Country Singers by Their Footwear (#2)

Hank 3 Fan Starter Pack

The Grand Ole Opry Ain't So Grand Anymore

Americana Fan Unhappy with Americana's Popularity

Carl Outlaw

Self-described "real country fan" and hardcore Americana lover, Carl Outlaw, is feeling disillusioned by the recent rise of roots music. Citing Jason Isbell's growing fan base, Chris Stapleton's massive year, and Sturgill Simpson's Grammy nominations, Outlaw says he's now seeking lesser known acts to satisfy his desire to dislike anything embraced by popular culture.

"I don't wanna call them sellouts, but I mean, you can't even get tickets to their shows these days." said Outlaw, "I don't know that you can put any faith in the authenticity of a singer or band that people outside my alt-country subreddit might enjoy."

Long an underground scene with a few passionate fans and little recognition outside message boards and tiny Americana radio stations, roots music has seen a large growth in visibility in recent years. Groups like Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers brought rustic sounds to the pop airwaves. Chris Stapleton has gone double platinum, ruling the country awards since 2015. Isbell and Simpson are selling out medium-sized venues nearly every night.

"If there's any chance of Luke Bryant or Sam Rice [sic] fans possibly liking the same music I do, I don't want any part of that." continued Mr. Outlaw, "I guess (Isbell, Simpson, etc.) like money more than they like having fans like me."

Hank Williams, III

Outlaw told us he's a dedicated fan, but feels that many artists have turned their backs on the little people who made them what they are. "When they get so big that they have their record labels take their albums off the uh… music 'discovery' sites, they really need to take a look in the mirror… as long as that mirror is not on a tour bus."

"I'll stick with bands who know their place, like Jimmy Parks and the Spittoon Bangers or the Valley Mountain Creek Ramblers or the Silo Dust Sniffers," smiled Outlaw, "and Hank 3… he doesn't even put out music anymore, how underground is that?!?"

Monday Morning Memes: Chris Stapleton, Sam Hunt, Snow in Nashville, etc.

Luke vs. Hank 3

Hank III Knows Why

Parody Album Covers: Hank3, Rodney, BBS

Saturday Night Music: Hank 3

Luke and FGL Just Won't Stop

This Is How We Roll (feat. Luke Bryan) - Florida Georgia Line - Lyrics

Happy Hanksgiving! (Hank III)

Saturday Night Music: Hank 3

Country Fanbase IQs

Click for a closer view.



(obviously this post is just to annoy a particular fanbase or two but I feel certain that this is fairly accurate in rankings, if not actual numbers)

If ____ Wrote a Christmas Song: 2011 Edition

If Yelawolf wrote a Christmas song
Catfish Billy gettin' ready
Delivering gifts in a big box Chevy
Got meth and speed and Oxycontin
Everything the girls and boys are wantin'
If you on the naughty list, get shotgun pellets

If Hank3 wrote a Christmas song
I been drinkin' and druggin' underneath the mistletoe
I'm a crazed Christmas rebel from long ago
Always courtin' trouble and I'm always on the run
Got a hooker named Noel, snorting blow off her buns




If Lil Wayne wrote a Christmas song
I got the toys like Geoffry giraffe
And you're Dane Cook, can't make me laugh
Ain't got the gifts the ho ho ho's need
Joy to the *&^@#$ (*@#$ @!###$ let's smoke weed





If Toby Keith wrote a Christmas song
I love you, red Santa hat
On a old man who's fat
It's made in 'merica!
It's made in 'merica!





If Miranda Lambert wrote a Christmas song
Silver bells, shotgun shells
It's Christmas in Tishomingo
Aim your shot, see 'em drop
Soon Rudolph will be filleted






If Willie Nelson wrote a Christmas song
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
That's how I celebrate the yule
Where the smoke is funky
And I got munchies
Let's stop for ribs and biofuel




If Brantley Gilbert wrote a Christmas song
Cut off jeans and country boy's kiss
That's what's on her Christmas list
Santa's ridin' down an old dirt road
Sippin' spiked eggnog from the console
Johnny Paycheck was an outlaw
I wish you Merry Christmas, y'all

Top 10 Country Songs Most Soccer Moms Would Not Be Fond Of

Here's a countdown of 10 country songs that would not weigh easily on the sensibilities of most mainstream country radio listeners (now anyway - the Wagoner song made it to #2 in 1967). Feel free to add your own in the comments.

10. "She Took a Lot of Pills (And Died)" - Robbie Fulks

Can you imagine this playing on the radio after Taylor Swift's latest ditty? Me neither.

09. "PFF (Punch, Fight, F***)" - Hank Williams III

Hank and pals scream in honor of a "music artist" who frequently took a dump on stage and played in it (to put it nicely) and was also known for wallowing in self-drawn blood (to put it nicely again).

08. "Holding On So Tight" - Gary Floater (portion of the song at this link)

This ode to "punching the clown" might not rest easy on radio programmers' palates.

07. "Honey Bee" - Lucinda Williams

Lucinda has never been bashful about middle-aged sex. "Now I've got your sweetness all up in my hair"... TMI Lucy!

06. "38-21-34" - Dale Watson

Unreasonable figures?

05. "Cold Hard Facts of Life" - Porter Wagoner

Pink champagne, candlelight, surprising the wife (and her lover ...with a knife!!)

04. "Titties and Beer" - Rodney Carrington

Rodney's a born romantic, huh ladies?

03. "Delia's Gone" - Johnny Cash

This shockingly cold and violent song from the Man in Black is all the more disturbing because of who it's from.

02. "Itty Bitty Titties" - David Allan Coe

I guess if you're as ugly as Coe, you've got to lay on the charm thick.

01. "Dick in Dixie" - Hank III

Hank returns to the countdown with this wordy-durd filled rant against Nashville, offering to put male and female sexual organs back into country music (were they ever there in the first place?) The D-word and the C-word get ample airtime.

Hank III's New Album Cover

Background

Top 10 Least Likely Song Titles on Hank III's Comeback Album

Hank Williams III is now free from Curb Records, after years of consistently delayed/blocked album releases and a general lack of creative control. Most fans assume Hank will generally continue his mix of hard country and punk rock, with likely more explicit lyrics and taboo topics now that he's free. Maybe not but who, besides Shelton, really knows?

Here are the Top 10 Least Likely Song Titles on Hank III's Comeback Album

10. Shooter and Me

09. Daddy, You're My Hero

08. Freebirds (with Tim McGraw)

07. I Miss You, Mike

06. Get Behind Me, Satan

05. Love is a Miracle (duet with Taylor Swift)

04. Nashville Bound and Down

03. Trucks, Jesus and American Flags

02. I'm Not Really Into a Drinkin' and a Druggin' Anymore

01. I Wanna Play on the Opry

Top Ten Shortest Books by Country Artists

10. Original Thoughts - by Kenny Chesney

09. Country Healthy: Our Favorite Lo-Cal Recipes - by Garth and Trisha

08. Can't Get Blood from a Turnip: The Prudent Choices of Curb Records

07. Clean Shot: On Hunting and Fair Gamesmanship - by Troy Gentry

06. Hank to Hank: Good Advice Passed Down - by Hank Jr. and Hank III

05. Bad Decisions I Never Made - by Mindy McCready

04. Songs I Didn't Sing Harmony On - by Vince Gill with Emmylou Harris

03. Holler Back: Our Country Career - by The Lost Trailers

02. A Father's Love - by Doug Stone

01. My Favorite Interviews - by George Strait

4 Parodied Country Covers

Since July's Country Day was at the very first of the month, here are a few covers to tide you over until August.