When We Were Bros

You may have heard about the When We Were Young festival announcement featuring nostalgic bands for people of a certain age (Millennials). Well, what if there was a bro-country equivalent?

Lawsuit Filed Against Dollar General Over Mainstream Country Played in Stores

A man in rural Georgia has filed a lawsuit against the retail giant Dollar General over the music played in their stores. Carl Schwartz, the attorney filing the suit, alleges that the mainstream country music regularly played over their loudspeakers has attributed to the man’s mental anguish and caused him irreparable emotional harm over the years.

“My client, a regular customer of Dollar General, has been subjected to a distressing amount of Luke Bryan, Walker Hayes, and Kane Brown during each visit to one of their establishments,” said Schwartz. “The constant barrage of trucks, appropriated slang, and shallow subject matter has caused him an unreasonable amount of anger, sadness, and physical discomfort.”

Schwartz went on to say that no matter which Dollar General his plaintiff entered, whether the one on the bypass, the one next to the one on the bypass, the one over on 16, or the one close to his house, the same brainless bile was pumping through the speaker system as he attempted to dash in for paper towels or a six pack of Pabst. “We will attempt to establish that the endless loop of Florida-Georgia Line, Thomas Rhett, and Sam Hunt brought real and provable trauma upon his quality of life. Hell, that “shake it for the catfish” song alone should be barred from use as a war prisoner coercion method.”

Dollar General, in a statement, said that the lawsuit was ‘frivolous’ and that any judge would throw out the case on its lack of merit alone. “The plaintiff, while not named to the public at this time, is a well known troublemaker once banned from one of our competitors over similar matters,” said DG’s lead attorney Mark Torrance. “He’s a nut; who doesn’t sing along to that Applebees song??”

At press time, the plaintiff was apparently willing to settle out of court for Turnpike Troubadours tickets, room and board.

Kramer Really Did It This Time

Yellowstone Country Reaction Gifs 2

If you haven't watched season 4: There are some gifs from

this season, but no extremely significant spoilers.

Would you wish a neverending hell of Walker Hayes songs on your worst enemy?

If your roommate only listens to FGL and Luke Bryan

Still better than listening to Kane Brown

Hey kid, you've got a future as a pop country singer!

Her: Don't bother coming home if you're still a rodeo man.

Him 6 hours later in Cheyenne:

When he says he's gone if you don't stop listening to depressing country songs

What do most country singers from Texas sing about?

What do you think of that #1 Dustin Lynch song?

Monday Morning Memes: King of the Hill Edition

 

Country Twitter WINS: December '21

Stolen Memes: Dolly, FGL, Billy Strings, Christmas

(Vinyl Ranch)

 

More Monday Memes: Willie, Turnpike, Walker Hayes

What Your Favorite 2021 Album Says About You

satire obviously

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Florida-Georgia Line - Life Rolls On

Your life peaked in 2014. You cried when you thought FGL was breaking up. You are unable to parallel park without the assistance of your backup camera. Your daughter will have to spell her name aloud seven-thousand times in her life.

Clay Walker - Texas to Tennessee

You’re a huge 90s country fan with kids and a busy life, and you didn’t actually listen to this album. You just assumed it was good because Clay Walker.

Strand of Oaks - In Heaven

You haven’t been out of the house in 19 months except to get packages from Smoke Cartel off the porch. You’re apolitical except about weed.

Eric Church - &

You’re in the Eric Church fan club. You’ve seen Eric 37 times. You named your son Kenneth (Eric’s first name). You need another hobby.

Sturgill Simpson - The Ballad of Dood & Juanita

You are a sports writer or a Sturgill Stan. You spent a great deal of time making fun of Hillbilly Elegy on Twitter this year. 

Niko Moon - Good Time

You can only listen to happy music because even a Hallmark movie is too emotionally roiling for you. You have argued passionately online about how Niko is in fact a country singer, and then you forgot he existed a month later when his second single tanked, and you only remember him now because he was number one on your Spotify Wrapped. 

Kacey Musgraves - star-crossed

You are whatever hipsters are called in 2021. You raged when this album was left out of the Grammy country nominations, but only because everyone else in your social bubble was doing the same. You have never heard Same Trailer, Different Park.

More Monday Memes: Dan + Shay, Gordon Lightfoot, Walker Hayes

Ren & Stimpy Country Reaction Gifs

When somebody slid in my DMs last week and told me Turnpike was getting back together

When "Misery and Gin" shows up in a playlist

Getting inspired to write an Americana song...

Still better written than whatever Walker Hayes' latest is

A Florida-Georgia Line songwriting session

Mr. Horse, please review Thomas Rhett's "Slow Down Summer"

Mainstream country radio fans be like...

If you don't like Turnpike Troubadours, you can kiss