Showing posts with label Zach Top. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zach Top. Show all posts
Oct 2, 2025
Sep 26, 2025
Sep 19, 2025
Sep 12, 2025
The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: September '25
A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song where the good attributes and the bad are dead even. An overall score and brief summary are below the chart.
The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-17) overall which is a 6 point drop from our last edition in June. Nice to see a token woman in there! The best song on the charts is Parker McCollum’s “What Kinda Man.” The worst is easily Chase Matthew’s “Darlin’.” If it weren’t the worst, Parmalee’s “Cowgirl” would easily be the bottom of the barrel. I could barely tolerate listening through the chorus of either one. Let’s hope for better next time!
*yes, my rating of the Luke/Bailey collab dropped a lot since June
Sep 9, 2025
Sep 3, 2025
Sep 2, 2025
Aug 28, 2025
Aug 5, 2025
Top 14 Things It Looks Like Jason Aldean is About to Do in This Picture
Top 14 Things It Looks Like Jason Aldean is About to Do in This Picture
About to skip yet another vocal training session
Call his wife to see if it's okay for him to hang out with the boys this afternoon
Ask you to sign up for a phone service he’s involved in that probably won’t have good coverage in your area, but hey, he says it’s patriotic so don’t be a traitor
Text his wife back: “Can we not do an Instagram story today? You can be an influencer without my participation”
Google what a clitoris is
Check his upcoming tour schedule to make sure he has *o*e d**l*rs at every stop
Wipe a tear from his eye as his text to the Don only gets the three flashing dots for a second but no reply
Call somebody wearing a Tyler Childers shirt a “libtard”
Ask you to sign up for a phone service he’s involved in of which many customers have complained about its reliability, but hey, he says it’s patriotic so don’t be a traitor
Look up who this Zach Top guy everybody’s talking about is
Download the Ashley Madison app for old time’s sake
Convince himself the rising cost of touring has nothing to do with tariffs
Quit his friend text group because somebody joked about his mural again
Annoy you with a sales pitch from his kiosk while you were just trying to get out of the shitty mall unseen
Aug 1, 2025
Jun 30, 2025
Jun 27, 2025
What Your 2025 Country Song of the Summer Says About You
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Zach Top
“Good Times & Tan Lines”
This one’s a little hard to nail down. You’re either a Boomer who thinks this is Alan Jackson’s “Chattahoochee,” a Gen-Xer who thinks this is a cover of that song, a Millennial who pines for their 90s childhood, or a Gen-Zer who calls it classic country. Whichever way, if you like it, that’s cool with me.
Morgan Wallen & Tate McRae
“What I Want”
You are too young to have fully a developed sense of hearing, have been failed by your music education in school, only listen to what is popular, and think that music is only good if it’s popular because that many idiots can’t possibly be wrong.
Tucker Wetmore
“Brunette”
You thought he was Morgan Wallen when you first heard him, and just ran with it. You bullied at least 3 girls into therapy while in high school. Your boyfriend’s “promposal” poster was misspelled and neither of you noticed. You’ll be the only pregnant member of the Baptist Student Union at Auburn this fall.
Josh Ross
“Single Again”
You recently developed a southern accent despite living in Hinsdale, IL. You listen to this because they say bad words in pop music, but you really want to hear pop music. You want to go to the Windy City Smokeout but are scared of Koe Wetzel’s fans. Dan + Shay are who got you into country music.
Whiskey Myers
“Tailspin”
You tried vaping for a while but it just didn’t sting like the Marlboro Reds. You’re not a team player nor a leader at work, but the place would go out of business without you. You drive an obnoxiously large pickup truck, but actually do work in it. You recently covered up a ‘bad idea Spring break of ’02 tribal tattoo’ with your kids’ names. You’re a conservative but really don’t give a shit how anybody else wants to live.
BigXthaPlug (ft. Bailey Zimmerman)
“All the Way”
You think listening to this in your unblemished Warlock gives you street cred. Your entire closet is white tee shirts and henley collars. You get all your music recommendations from TikTok. You live in Vestavia Hills and consider yourself a small town boy. Your stepdad keeps trying to get you to listen to a band called “Turnstile Herbivores” or whatever.
Turnpike Troubadours
“On the Red River”
You need a hug.
Morgan Wallen
“Miami”
You spent more money on a lift kit than your education. The last book you read involved an inquisitive primate and his friend with a yellow hat. This song is the closest you’ve ever come to hearing Keith Whitley. The car wash has asked you and your friends nicely to stop drinking in the parking lot and the next time they’re calling the cops. You aren’t worried because your dad is a cop.
Jun 25, 2025
Jun 18, 2025
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