The Crud Report: September '24

The Horror

2024 Country Radio Bingo

 

Country Twitter Fails: May '24

Drip??

 

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: March '24

A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song where the good attributes and the bad are dead even. 

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (+3) overall which is an 8 point improvement from December. The best song is Cody Johnson's "The Painter." The worst is Hardy's "Truck Bed," with stiff competition from Kane Brown's "I Can Feel It." Overall, a decent set of songs but nothing to write home about. 

*Note: a few scores changed a bit since Dec. due to songs growing on me or the opposite

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

The Crud Report: January 2023

 Ray Wylie Hubbard submitted one of these headlines. Can you pick which one?

Country Twitter Fails: October '23

*there are a couple of really gross ones*

 Sure, white people came to America in complete silence until we learned of the glorious invention of music by all the other cultures

The Crud Report: October '23

Brutally Honest Country Top 20

By Bobby Peacock. 

(you can tell it's not me because I wouldn't admit a Dan + Shay song was good even if I liked it)

Here's the real thing for reference.

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August '23

 A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song  where the good attributes and the bad are dead even.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is a 4 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). The best song (by a hair over Hailey Whiters) is Luke Combs’ monster hit cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” The worst is Parmalee's "Girl in Mine" for the second time in a row, narrowly beating out Luke Bryan’s insipid “But I Got a Beer in My Hand.” I don’t really see any particular trends besides it being summer, always a celebration of cliches on country radio. 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

The Crud Report: July '23, Volume II

More Monday Memes: Lainey Wilson, Mark Chesnutt, 80s Country

 

Man Feigns Obliviousness as Wife Compliments Lainey Wilson’s Backside

While lounging on the couch after work with his wife Thursday, Jacob Boothe was presented with a difficult challenge. Samantha, Jacob’s wife, was watching Entertainment Tonight as they waited on lasagna in the oven when she suddenly made some statements that would test his resolve and ability to avoid a night on the couch. 

“Look at that thing!” exclaimed Mrs. Booth. “That is impressive.” Samantha was referring to the derriere of country star Lainey Wilson, as ET reporters discussed Wilson’s submission of an original song for Emmy consideration. 

Jacob, an experienced and wary husband, did not even consider averting his eyes from his phone, where he was setting the lineup for his fantasy baseball team. He knew better. 

“I wonder if that’s genetics,” Samantha continued. “Or lots of cornbread and squats at the gym…” 

Again, Jacob was silent, keeping his full attention on his pitching choices for the evening. “Should I start Sandoval or Senga?” he pondered, fully aware that the slightest diversion of his attentiveness could lead to a very tricky situation. 

“But this is silly,” he thought. “We are grown adults who’ve been married for over a decade; if we can’t discuss this sort of thing in a mature fashion, we’re just a cliche Rodney Dangerfield joke about marriage.”

“Is that the country singer with that truck song?” he asked tentatively.

“Yeah, I think so,” answered Samantha. “Dat ass though…” she said as she pulled up some photos on her phone and pushed it in front of Jacob’s 3-2 baseball lineup. 

“Uh huh,” deferred Jacob, his eyes quickly darting over to their cat pawing at a curtain. 

Samantha rolled her eyes, having caught onto Jacob’s game. “Mmm Hmm,” she said accusingly. 

He’d over-played his hand, leaned too hard into aloofness. “Fine, she’s a very attractive woman,” he admitted, opening a door he hadn’t wanted to. “Are you satisfied?”

At press time, the lasagna had burned, and the Boothes were ordering pizza.

The Crud Report: April 2023

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: March 2023

 A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk is mediocre (or the negatives outweigh the positives). I needed a new grading option - there’s more meh these days than flat-out bad. Total score below the chart.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (+3) overall which is a 19 point improvement (!!) from November (the previous time we did this chart). The best song is Carly Pearce’s “What He Didn’t Do.” The worst is Tyler Hubbard’s “Dancin’ in the Country,” which is only a hair’s width worse that Dan + Shay’s drivel. Anyway, nice upgrade, country radio! The credibility scare is back in progress. 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Everybody's Somebody's Favorite

Elderly Country Songs: Luke Bryan, Blake Shelton, Lainey Wilson, Whiskey Myers, Keith Urban

Luke Bryan

Octogenarian Shake It For Me

Say It Again

Gruntin’, Bitchin’, and Lovin’ Every Day

Crash My Walker

All My Friends Passed Away

Keith Urban

You Look Good in My Sweater Vest

John Lennon, John Deere, John 3:16

Lainey Wilson

Heart Like a Yugo

Smell Like Icy-Hot

Watermelon Smoothie

Blake Shelton

No Booty

Whiskey Myers

Facility We Call Home

Vaseline

Early Buffet and a Shuffleboard Crowd

For the Grandkids