Showing posts with label Post Malone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Post Malone. Show all posts
Aug 11, 2021
Dec 30, 2020
Sep 19, 2020
Aug 21, 2020
Mainstream Country Festival With No Singers Draws 30,000
What if you threw a country music festival and no artists came? Well that’s what happened just outside Pembroke, GA this past weekend, and the event drew an estimated 30,211 drunken revelers.
DirtyFest, a music festival promoted as “a day of tunes, beer, and buds,” took place this past Saturday without a stage and without a single country music artist performing, yet snarled county traffic and filled a hay field with throngs of fans.
“It was lit.” said ‘event promoter’ Jake Chadderson. “Been bored as s**t for 7 months so I just figured we’d get some folks together and party!” He said that the idea was to recreate a country music festival to such a degree that nobody would even notice there wasn’t anybody singing up on stage.
“Me and my boys never watch the concert anyway, and we couldn’t afford anybody we’ve heard of to play, so f*** it, we just had a throwdown.” said Chadderson. “They don’t even play Lil Uzi Vert or Post Malone at country concerts, so this was better anyway. We just had big speakers up all over the place playing our Spotify playlists.”
To get the true ambiance of a country festival, vendors sold $9 tallboys and $5 waters, overpriced undercooked sausage dogs, and $40 t-shirts. There were plenty of mud holes, long lines for the few port-a-potties, and lax security.
Festival goers reported multiple fights during the event’s 7 hour running time. “It was just like a normal country festival,” laughed Karyn Lowe of Smyrna. “Twerking, fighting, drinking… whooo! Just like my last Luke Bryan show or whoever that was.”
Many attendees didn’t even seem to realize there were no bands or singers. “You’re bulls******* me. I know I saw Kane Brown playing,” said Randy Kettering of Tallahassee. “I mean, I just go to shows to get b****es so I don’t really pay attention, but my boy told me Dustin Lynch played a good set on the South stage. But he was pretty drunk, so…”
Chadderson told us the $79 ticket was to cover the insurance for the event. “And the prize money for the Tik Tok W.A.P. dance challenge.”
Jan 2, 2020
Sep 13, 2019
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 7, 2018
What Your Favorite 2018 Album Says About You 2
Post Malone - Beerbongs & Bentleys
You never use the "hard R." Your dad pays for college, but has threatened to cut you off if you come home with a face tattoo.
American Aquarium - Things Change
You haven't written a humorous tweet since November 2016. You drive a Nissan Leaf but keep your hidden away Harley tuned up for when it's okay to have fun again.
Whitey Morgan & the .78s - Hard Times and White Lines
You wear shirts with curse words on them to family reunions. When you type "Luke Bryan, never heard of her" on Facebook, your co-workers in the maintenance department all click "like."
Brandi Carlile - By the Way, I Forgive You
You picked an apartment to rent based on its walking proximity to a Whole Foods. You have broken up with someone based on their bad recycling habits.
Sleep - The Sciences
You aren't really patient, you just smoke a shit ton of weed. You spend more money on eye drops than you do body wash.
Ashley Monroe - Sparrow
You are horny like 24/7.
Keith Urban - Graffiti U
You're still living pretty comfortably off the divorce settlement, but you sell LulaRoe and essential oils on Facebook for extra cash.
Ashley McBryde - Girl Going Nowhere
You are a thoughtful and passionate connoisseur of music. You have definitely punched a man in the face before.
Godsmack - When Legends Rise
You didn't know they put out an album in 2018, but it must be the best album of the year because they kick ass man! You have punched a woman before.
Father John Misty - God's Favorite Customer
You have had your feces tested, and no, it does not stink. You won't date a woman who's prettier than you.
Aug 7, 2018
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