Mar 1, 2021
Dec 17, 2020
Waylon Jennings - What Goes Around Comes Around
You have good taste, but are either convinced no good country music came out after 1979, or have suffered a lot of memory loss from the cocaine and pills.
Florida-Georgia Line - 6-Pack
You had never heard of Charley Pride until last week. You pronounce “EP” (which this is, not an album) as if it rhymes with “step.” You’re a contractor who only has negative reviews for driving like an a**hole.
Ashley McBride - Never Will
You are a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. Or you’re anybody else with an ear for worthy music, actually. It’s damn good.
Hardy - A Rock
You’re a 25-32 year old male who lost his identity once bro-country went out of fashion and you are so damn thankful you now have something new to crank out of your 2013 ragged-out Raptor with the fading “Lifted Cause Fat Chicks Can’t Jump” sticker.
The Chicks - Gaslighter
You forced yourself to believe this is a great album to fit in with the other trendy left-leaning country fans on Twitter. You’re not enthused with Joe Biden, and are even less enthused with me making you do a self-assessment of what you really think of this, The Chicks’ worst album by a long shot.
Luke Bryan - Born Here, Live Here, Die Here
The last book you read was The Hunger Games. You only have a “Blue Lives Matter” sticker on your car so you won’t get a ticket for going 60 in a 35 every day taking your kids to soccer practice.
Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions
You are a sports writer. You frequently work “30-50 feral hogs” into everyday conversations.
Trapt - Shadow Work
You think the Covid vaccine is a Chinese ploy to seed the American population with mind control nanobots. You were one of the 12 people in attendance at Trapt’s most recent concert. You are the lead singer of Trapt.
American Aquarium - Lamentations
You are not a pecan farmer.
AC/DC - Power Up
This is the first album you purchased since AC/DC’s Black Ice. Your wife is tired of your vaping. You blame the pandemic for your weight gain, but you couldn’t fit in those size 36 Levi’s even last November.
Nov 4, 2020
A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive.
The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-4) overall which is a 5 point improvement from August (the previous time we did this chart). The worst song by a long shot is Dan + Shay’s “I Should Probably Go to Bed.” The best song is Jon Pardi’s “Ain’t Always the Cowboy,” edging out Stapleton’s latest by a hair. There are some decent tunes here and the chart should improve a little more over the fall and winter. On a negative note, there’s only 1 solo woman, so we’re back to square one on that front. Do better, Nashville.
Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.
Oct 27, 2020
(okay, one's not country, sue me)
Huge Hardy or Morgan Wallen fan lives here. Will mad dog you if you look them in the eyes. Peaked in 10th grade (second try).
Will hand out the blandest candy in the neighborhood. May have bodies buried under the back porch.
Owns a lot of cats. Won’t actually sacrifice you to Satan, but that will be your first thought when you see them.
Owner lost. Grab your own candy.
Homeowner did not go to college. Loves Jason Aldean. Married cousin.
Someone who speaks to a lot of managers lives here. They’re handing out raisins to trick-or-treaters.
One cool motherf**ker lives here!