Farce the Music: Jelly Roll

Showing posts with label Jelly Roll. Show all posts

Dec 1, 2023

Nov 14, 2023

Oct 6, 2023

Sep 8, 2023

The Crud Report: September '23

Aug 25, 2023

The Crud Report, August '23, Volume III

Aug 8, 2023

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August '23

A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song where the good attributes and the bad are dead even.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is a 4 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). The best song (by a hair over Hailey Whiters) is Luke Combs’ monster hit cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” The worst is Parmalee's "Girl in Mine" for the second time in a row, narrowly beating out Luke Bryan’s insipid “But I Got a Beer in My Hand.” I don’t really see any particular trends besides it being summer, always a celebration of cliches on country radio.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Jul 21, 2023

The Crud Report: July '23, Volume II

Jul 13, 2023

Justified Country Reaction Gifs 2

If you the type of fellow that thinks George Strait sucks

When they torture you with Dan + Shay music

What is the point of mainstream country radio?

When's the last time you heard a fiddle solo on country radio?

When you don't get the Tyler Childers tix you promised

Luke Bryan, who's she?

When your friend is a little too into Zach Bryan

What do you think of Sundy Best?

When somebody's trying to convince me Morgan Wallen is as good as the top country stars of yesteryear

When one of Jelly Roll's older fans gets angry

Jul 11, 2023

Laying Down the Law

Based on this (which isn't funny but everything gets made into a meme so).

Jun 23, 2023

Large Man With Face Tattoos Following You Down Alley Not Jelly Roll. Run!!

Hey you. Yes, you reading this very article as you scurry down the alley to your car from the vape shop. Don’t make any noticeable movements, but there’s a guy following you. Dammit, you looked. Yeah, that guy with the beard and the art gallery on his face.

Nope. Your first thought is wrong. It’s not country rapper/singer Jelly Roll! You should run. Seriously.

While your initial reaction to seeing the portly fellow walking faster than a guy that size should walk, ten yards behind you and closing, was that it may be the “Need a Favor” singer, I’m here to tell you that Mr. Roll is currently in the studio recording a guest appearance on a Willie Nelson track, so it’s not him. Move your ass!

He’s getting a bit winded now; you’ve only got 30 more steps to your Altima but now is not the time to lose focus. Screw the second thoughts - I’m telling you it’s not Jason Bradley DeFord, aka Jelly Roll, American multi-genre singer/songwriter who won 3 CMT Awards this year for “Son of a Sinner.” This particular fellow has a hand in the pocket of his hoodie and it’s not to hand you a mix tape.

Oh now, you’re feeling bad for judging someone by their appearance. Sir or ma’am or other, I’m thinking even Jelly Roll - who is an admitted reformed criminal and seems like he’s really made a change for the better - would tell you not to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Trust your gut.

Shit! He’s caught up. As you look into the tattooed face of your attacker, your fingers attempting to enable the Emergency SOS on your phone you thought was in your pocket, the man reaches out his hand and says “You dropped your phone back there.”

My bad.