Country hot takes and predictions that didn't come true (or almost certainly won't).
Jan 15, 2020
Dec 31, 2019
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 10, 2019
11 Worst Country* Songs of 2019
1. Zac Brown Band - God Given
I somehow left Zac Brown off the original list, and I think that’s a symptom of his irrelevance these days. This is clearly the worst song released under the “country” heading in 2019. This song should be the new “Rick Roll.” What an embarrassment. Lame middle-aged white man rapping and beats and creepiness. Somebody set up an intervention soon.
2. Mitchell Tenpenny - Alcohol You Later
A heaving lump of R&B lite douchebaggery wrapped around a cliché of a hook.
3. Blake Shelton ft/Trace Adkins - Hell Right
Lame bro-country redux from the try-hard stepdad of mainstream country and his drunken uncle.
4. Luke Bryan - Knockin’ Boots
A cheesy come-on with stolen 90s slang. Cringe.
5. Avenue Beat - Delight
If they’re the future, I’m a proud boomer.
6. Florida-Georgia Line - Swerve
Not a single, yet, thankfully. As bad as anything they’ve done before, and that’s of course a deep well.
7. Mitchell Tenpenny ft/Seaforth - Anything She Says
Ugh. Mitchell Tenpenny has usurped Kane Brown as the artist whose voice makes me most quickly change the station.
8. Chris Lane - I Don’t Know About You
I don't know why you're still here.
9. Sam Hunt - Kinfolks
Not nearly as bad as driving the wrong way while drunk, but an affront to the senses to be sure. Please leave again.
10. Dustin Lynch - Ridin’ Roads
Dustin doubles down on his shallowness. His looks and willingness to blend into the sonic wallpaper are his only selling points now.
11. Brantley Gilbert - Fire’t Up
Brantley done fire’t up the wayback machine to 2013. His NFL performance was bad enough to trend on Twitter, and the studio version is only better in the way that getting punched in the stomach is better than getting punched in the face.
*country = released into the country genre
Dec 9, 2019
Dec 4, 2019
Top 10 “Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?”
10. You make me want to roll my windows down
9. A little fruity but she asked if I liked it
7. Sounds like it sucks
5. I can smooth it out, I can slick it up
3. Yeah boy, I’m about to show me a city slicker
2. I kick it with a mule
1. Shimmy up inside