Top 11 Country-Related Ways to Be Helpful During the Pandemic

11. Teach a Kane Brown fan to read by FaceTime

10. Send a letter to your congressman informing them that your favorite bands can still perform live and stay under the 10 person recommendation

9. Remind hick-hop fans that not only should they wash their hands frequently, but that they should also wash their bodies from time to time

8. Paint an inspirational message on the local water tower in John Deere green

7. Tell the Dollar General manager that times are stressful enough without them playing bro-country in the store and kindly request they turn it off

6. Go to your favorite bartender's house and blare George Jones from their yard to cheer them up

5. Whatever Dolly Parton is doing, do that

4. Send a friendly postcard to a Brantley Gilbert fan in prison

3. Avoid political arguments unless one a’ them stinkin’ liberal pinko commie America-hatin’ Dixie Chicks fans starts it first

2. Use two pairs of Luke Bryan’s old pants to make one face mask for the local hospital 

1. Buy albums and merchandise from the independent musicians you enjoy (or tip them during their live shows on Instagram, Facebook, etc)

~By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Country Singers as Tiger King Characters

Idea and the first 5 of these by Hippies & Cowboys. Make sure to check out their podcast!

What Country Fanbases Are Doing During Coronavirus Lockdown

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Brantley Gilbert fans: 

The usual - morning bell, inmate count, breakfast, work detail, inmate count…

Luke Bryan fans: 

young - Tik Tok dance videos; older - drinking wine, also doing Tik Tok videos

Florida-Georgia Line fans: 

going to the beach, going to parties, having sex with people they just met

Kane Brown: 

doing chores, homework, texting other kids their age

Mitchell Tenpenny: 

maintaining their regimen of ceftriaxone and azithromycin, stalking exes

Tyler Childers: 

morel hunting, drinking themselves blind

Kelsea Ballerini: 

journaling, skin care, skin care journaling

Sturgill Simpson: 

N/A - he has run off all his fans

Charlie Daniels Band: 

sharing factually incorrect memes, going to church, sleeping with Fox News on

Upchurch: 

hoarding, cooking

Social Distancing Songs

That's Creepy

More Monday Memes: Kane Brown, Brantley Gilbert, Kickstarter

Not All Brantley Gilbert Fans Are Criminals, Says Inmate Nat Barksdale

Hancock State Prison inmate Nat Barksdale wants you to know that not all Brantley Gilbert fans are criminals. He took time out of his busy staring at the wall routine to write us a letter to that effect.

Barksdale, who in 2012 was the first Brantley Gilbert fan ever to graduate from high school, is currently serving 7 years in the Sparta, GA correctional facility for B&E and possession with intent to distribute. He expects early release in 2022 thanks to his uncle who knows some people.

In Nat’s letter, he wanted to stress that almost half of the people he knows who are fans of Gilbert’s music have never even gotten felonies. On the contrary, many of them, while not really upstanding citizens, are gainfully employed and charitable individuals. He cited his friend Clarence, who despite a warrant or two, runs a profitable automobile ‘reclamation’ business in Smyrna. Clarence raises dogs for ‘sporting events’ and even gives freely of his ‘medical supplies’ when people are in need. Impressive. 

We’ll let Nat’s letter speak for itself now:

“Look, I know your joking and everything and I even laugh sometimes when I get internet time in the library, but I think your way off base. I’ve already told you about Clarence and Walt White, but their’s one that’s a real success story. That’s my ex Jeanette (Cosby). She graduated last year while raising are daughter and has got her own hair salon down on the bypass. We never did get married and she broke up with me once the charges stuck, but I’m still real proud of her. Anyway, please tell you’re readers that at least a third of BG Nation is pretty good people.”

When reached for comment, Cosby told us she didn’t listen to Brantley Gilbert anymore and was more into EDM.

Ice Cold Country Hot Takes

 Country hot takes and predictions that didn't come true (or almost certainly won't).

Last TwitterFAILs of 2019

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