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Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 2000s Country

Some would imagine that the fan-friendly, upbeat country music scene of 2000-2009 would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more recent country music diaspora. Some would be very, very wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

10. Jo Dee Messina

Brings a Coke can into church so she has somewhere to spit her dip. Constantly brags about her Peloton.

9. Billy Currington

Once fought with an old guy about a boat wake or something. [edit: being told this actually happened]

Considers his duet with Shania Twain the highpoint of her career.

8. Sara Evans

At concerts, will only perform her biggest hits as spoken word. Made Trick Pony use a utility closet as a dressing room when they opened for her. 

7. Brad Paisley

Working with legal team to get “dad jokes” copyrighted so he can sue everybody who uses the term. When people join his group text promotion, he sells their numbers to escort services.

6. Dierks Bentley

Publicly and profanely humiliates anyone who misspells his name. Eats Taco Bell on his bus. Uses the bathroom on his band’s bus.

5. Phil Vassar

Plays “Bobbi with an I” as his encore at concerts. Avoids eye contact with anyone shorter than him. Has an album of Drake covers coming out soon.

4. Cyndi Thomson

Bogarts the joint. “I Crossfit” is her entire Facebook bio. Won’t use the zipper merge in traffic.

3. Steve Holy

Cheats at foosball. Won’t flush a floater. Performs Tekashi 6ix9ine songs on Tik Tok. 

2. Mark Wills

Covers a Wheeler Walker Jr. song when he sees there are lots of kids at his concert. Still does the “flaming bag of shit” prank on neighbors despite being in his 40s. Has long conversations in front of what you need at Walmart.

1. John Rich

Wait, who authorized putting an actual jerk on here?

Honest Radio Promo Ad: Jake Owen "I Was Jack (You Were Dianne)"

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: August '17

A poop emoji equals a negative rating. A strike-thru poop emoji is a positive rating.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-23) overall which is 6 point improvement from June (the last time we did this chart). The best song is again Midland's "Drinkin' Problem." The worst is a tie: Cole Swindell's putrid "Flatliner" and Chris Lane's terrible "For Her" There are 2 solo females in the top 20, and neither is Kelsea Ballerini, so there's that as a marginal positive.

Things are still bad.


Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Senseless Censorship: We Haven't Done This in a While Edition

Billy Currington Wants You To Be Happy

5 New Parody Album Covers: Currington, Isbell, Ballerini, etc.

Tim McGraw: A Supbar Political Cartoon

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2015/04/16/tim-mcgraw-gets-backlash-from-gun-rights-advocates-for-headlining-sandy-hook-promise-concert/

I'm Sorry, This Exists: September '14

 

 Jason Aldean Thingie...
Grounds for divorce?

 

 Kenny Rogers Zen Painting Print
(No…. actually, that's awesome)

Luke Bryan Portrait

 

Blake Shelton Light Switch Cover

I think a "dimmer" would be more appropriate.

Colt Ford Dip Can Cover
Wow. I don't even know what to say about this.

Brantley Gilbert Bottoms Up Panties

Pickin' on Nickelback Album

Because what bluegrass fan isn't secretly a fan?


In 1984, Vince Neil was charged with vehicular manslaughter while drunk.
This is among his several labels of liquors and wines:
http://www.tatuado-vodka.com/

Hunter Hayes/Carrie Underwood Flip Book


 

Autographed Luke Bryan Drawing

Kid Rock Redneck Paradise Flip Flops

 Billy Currington "Let Me Down Easy" Panties
Classy!

Fantasy Football Teams of the Country Stars IV

Fantasy football is in full swing, entering week 8 of the proceedings. How's your team doing? I won't discuss mine because who cares, right? Anyway, as we've done in the past, FTM has found the team names of several big country stars. Match the logos with the names below! Or don't!

Billy Currington - Hey Girl: Parody Lyric

If Billy does time for his crime....

Hey Boy

(Parody of Billy Currington's "Hey Girl")

Hey boy, what's your name boy

I've been starin' at you

And every con here's doin' the same boy

It'd be a shame boy

If I didn't make you my beyotch

'Cause I'm all caught up in your brown curls

A boy like you's the closest thing to a girl

Clean skin, gotta make you my friend

Gonna make you my favorite trick on the cell block

I know we ain't met yet but I'll give you protection

Knowin' you wouldn't even last through the night and

You might think I'm ugly

But what rhymes with "hug me"?

You're lookin' so clean, you'll be my prom queen

I'll make it quick, we don't even have to kiss

Yo boy, whatcha know boy

I could use a cigarette, wontcha go get me something to smoke boy

Before you go boy

Remember I've got your back

And if you want we can go slow

So take your time and get to know

This prison bar I've got for you

I can see the worry in those pretty eyes of blue

I know we ain't met yet but I'll give you protection

Knowin' you wouldn't even last through the night and

You might think I'm ugly

But what rhymes with "hug me"?

You're lookin' so clean, you'll be my prom queen

I'll make it quick, we don't even have to kiss

Hey boy

Ooh, baby welcome to block C

Jumpsuit lookin' sexy to me

Hey boy, whatcha say boy

About you and me goin' all the way boy

I know we ain't met yet but I'll give you protection

Knowin' you wouldn't even last through the night and

Yeah, I'm big and ugly

But what rhymes with "hug me"?

You're lookin' so fresh, got moisturized flesh

I'll make it quick, we don't even have to kiss

Hey boy, oh yeah

Oh, hey boy

You're lookin' so clean, you'll be my prom queen

I'll make it quick, we don't even have to kiss

Hey boy

Oh yeah

Songs Illustrated #69

The Billboard Chart According to FTM

New Billy Currington Album Cover Revealed

Little Known Facts: June '13

While Darius Rucker did not write "Wagon Wheel," he did help produce "Chinese Democracy" for Guns N' Roses.

Joe Diffie and Ronnie Dunn are recruiting a third member to join their new hick-hop outfit, Middle Aged and Cray Cray.

Make sure you check inside your Pepsi cans this summer. One lucky person will open a can with a life size Justin Moore cutout placed inside.

Colt Ford has never eaten the bones at Kentucky Fried Chicken but has swallowed an entire bucket of chicken twice.

If Blake Shelton's voice had the same inflection as his brain, he'd sing like Ben Stein.

Both members of Florida-Georgia Line thought Nelly was the chick from Little House on the Prairie before their "Cruise" remix, and they were still okay with it.

16-year-old girls love Jason Aldean and Jason Aldean loves (The remainder of this Little Known Fact has been deleted based on advice obtained from Trailer's lawyer)

Gary Levox puts his pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. He requires a hydraulic hoist but still does one leg at a time.

Pistol Annies' rumored break-up is being blamed on Ashley and Angeleena coming to the realization that Miranda actually talked them into singing backup on "Boys Round Here."

Billy Currington doesn't know the meaning of moderation. Seriously, he doesn't know the meaning of the word.

------------------------------
Thanks to (?) Jeremy Harris for most of these.

Country Day April '13: Parody Album Covers Pt. 1 - Billy Currington, etc.