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More Monday Memes: Dan + Shay, Lady A, Kane Brown

3 Up, 3 Down

3 Up

Jon Pardi - Heartache Medication

It’s hard to believe a song that starts out with a fiddle is actually a hit in this day and age. Pardi’s country, this song is country, what more do you need to know? It’s not exactly groundbreaking in the lyrical department, but it’s well written and at least copies all the good stuff. I’m really looking forward to his new album. Aside from “Heartache on the Dance Floor,” I’ve liked all Jon’s songs so far.

B+

Runaway June - Buy My Own Drinks

What’s this? Women with a top 10 song? I’m sure some IHeartRadio analyst somewhere is counting this as 3 songs by women for their stats, since Runaway June has 3 members. The song: it’s propulsive, confident, and catchy. It’s also timely. I hope radio will give this group a fair shake on future singles as well; their underrated Blue Roses album has quite a few that deserve airplay. 

B+

Lady Antebellum - What If I Never Get Over You

Shut up. I know it’s not very country, and Lady Antebellum is usually reality-show scripted kiss background music at best, but this is pretty good …so leave me alone. It calls back to their early swoony ballads, and for me that’s not a bad thing. Lady A got off the rails a few years ago with unmemorable …uh, songs… I don’t even recall any of them enough to give a fair description, but this seems to be a pointed turn back to what they do best. And it’s a sad song! And there are real instruments! The bar is low these days, what can I say? The harmonies are beautiful though.

B

3 Down

Chris Lane - I Don’t Know About You

It starts out bad and gets indescribably worse almost immediately. Heavy beats, R&B copycat vocal style, modern slang-y lyrics …but this is (air quotes) country y’all. While I listened to this to write a few words about it, I kept checking over my should to make sure nobody thought I was listening for my enjoyment. The chorus has lyrics nearly identical to several other pop-country songs, as I illustrated in a meme last month. Come to think of it, “country” songs are basically just memes now. Take a format and make slight changes to it and pass it around. As Public Enemy once poignantly asked “Who stole the soul?”

F

Jimmie Allen - Make Me Want To

Jimmie has some talent, and at least a smidgen of promise. However, this song fulfills no promise whatsoever. It employs snap-beats and paint-by-numbers lyrics for typical 2019 mainstream country radio fodder. It’s background music. The chorus has lyrics nearly identical to several other pop-country songs (including the one above), as I illustrated in a meme last month. Come to think of it, “country” songs are basically just memes now. Take a format and make slight changes to it and pass it around. As Public Enemy once poignantly asked “Who stole the soul?” This one’s catchier than Chris Lane’s nearly identical song and Jimmie has a better voice, so I’ll give it a

D

Luke Bryan - Knockin’ Boots

The good: Simple instrumentation, no clutter. The bad: Everything else. Who thought it was a good idea to bring back a bit of 90s slang that only stuck around for 3-4 years and a couple of hit songs from Candyman and H-Town, anyway? That’s wack yo. Circling back around to the simplicity of this song - the lyrics are also simple, but the definition of ‘simple’ that means stupid. I can’t stand repetitive nonsense… boots need knockin’, knockin’ boots… I feel stupid typing that, imagine singing it, imagine enjoying someone singing it. 

F

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 26

The pro wrestling equivalent of 

Bebe Rexha having the #1 Hot Country Song

I found some Cole Swindell songs on this refurbished 

laptop I bought. What should I do with them?

Hayes Carll, John Evans, and Corb Lund are 

putting out an album together in 2018 

"But evolution… you're just jealous… 

stop being so negative…"

"Why can't I listen to Dylan Scott's Christmas album?"

Still more interesting than a Lady Antebellum album:

What it feels like to hear Walker Hayes for the first time

Reading the YouTube comments under a Kane Brown video

Freddy & Jason Country Reaction Gifs

When your Americana band's new

guitarist used to be in a hair metal group

Kane Brown has a #1 song???

I've accidentally broken 2 Cody CDs.

I guess you could say I'm a ....Jinks

The hardest thing to do when

listening to Lady Antebellum

When partying at the lake ain't all beer

and babes like FGL taught you...

When Mr. Vorhees finds a pile of

Sam Hunt CDs

When Mr. Vorhees walks by some

kids cranking hick-hop

Jeff Tweedy! No, Jay Farrar!!

The Current Poop of Country Music (June '17)

A poop emoji equals a negative rating. A strike-thru poop emoji is a positive rating.

 

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-29) overall which is a hefty 29 point drop (!!!!!) from last October (the last time we did this chart). The best song is Midland's "Drinkin' Problem." The worst is Dylan Scott's substandard bro-country-lite "My Girl." Not only is the Top 20 really pathetic, there is not a single solo female in the bunch.

Things are bad.


Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Don't Drop the Bass

 

"Daddy sang bass" yeah, yeah... memes aren't for subtlety or exceptions or details...

Country Stars React to the Nuclear Apocalypse

 On Wednesday evening, North Korea launched an ICBM tipped with a nuclear warhead toward Hawaii. The missile fell into the Pacific Ocean and detonated relatively harmlessly. However, the US launched a return strike, decimating Pyongyang and several military centers of North Korea.

In retaliation for the unilateral action, China torpedoed a US destroyer in the South China Sea, setting off a vicious sea battle won decisively by the United States. In Beijing, a rogue official hacked into the nuclear launch systems and fired two ICBM's toward Los Angeles, which exploded just off the coast, killing thousands. The US immediately fired a return volley from ballistic missile submarines off the coast of Japan.

Within hours, more than one billion human beings had perished in a fiery hell, before a cease fire was agreed upon by several of the few remaining naval officers of the Chinese and US fleets. A cold, sooty darkness fell over the earth and suffering became the rule instead of the exception.

As hospitals and morgues struggled to keep up with the glut of dying and dead, and power grids and servers across the country began to blink out for the final time, we wondered what today's hottest country music stars and media personalities were saying on social media! Here's what was on their minds!

 

Superbad: Country Reaction Gifs

*foul language and vulgar gesturing below* 

 

When "Body Like a Back Road" is playing 

in the convenience store

 

Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears got you like...

How Florida-Georgia Line fans greet one another

How Cole Swindell probably behaved in high school

Hey, didn't you go to a Rascal Flatts concert one time?

Imagine a world where Sturgill Simpson and 

Jason Isbell are at the top of the country charts...

But then you remember how it really is

When your classmate tells you about 

the Lady Antebellum concert he went to

Pop-Country Artists Screw Up Famous Rock Logos Part 2

Can you name all the bands whose logos are parodied here?

Charles Kelley Performs "Leaving Nashville"

Excellent tune from his pretty good album The Driver.

Star Wars/Country Music Doppelgangers

I'm as annoyed as you by the whole "May the 4th Be With You" blather that goes on this day in recent years. I'm a Star Wars fan, but give it a rest, will ya? No, I guess we won't. Here are some Star Wars/country music doppelgangers (or at least equivalents).

Scott Borchetta (L); Emperor Palpatine (R)

Kenny Chesney (L); Admiral Ackbar (R)

Charles Kelley of Lady Antebellum (L); Obi Wan Kenobi (R)

Hunter Hayes (L); Anakin Skywalker (R)

Cole Swindell (L); Jar Jar Binks (R). I think...?