In honor of Kelsea Ballerini's invitation to join the Grand Ole Opry last night, the Opry has today announced the release of NOW That's What I Call Opry! Awesome!
Mar 6, 2019
Jan 17, 2019
Oct 9, 2018
Feb 22, 2017
Listening to somebody defend The Band Perry
Hey, how come Widespread Panic only
sounds badass when you see them live?
Beatles! Stones! Beatles! Stones!
When she buys you front row tickets to Sturgill
for your birthday
for your birthday
How's that new Nikki Lane album sound?
When you're a hater but trying to be polite
Hey! Did you hear Ray Wylie Hubbard
announced a show here?
When they actually play a country song
on the country station
Feb 3, 2017
Farce the Music's Wall of Honor is a showplace for our well-earned and highly prized Twitter blocks. Today we add a new plaque. Our least favorite country pop country pop country pop flip floppers: THE BAND PERRY!
They are added to the existing wall...
Dec 21, 2016
1. Thomas Rhett - Vacation
I mean, there have been worse songs in human history. The song your drunken friend made up about farts one night after eating Taco Bell at 2:14 a.m. "I'm Too Sexy?" Nah, that's better. Uh, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Nah, still better. Um. Starship's "We Built This City"…yeah, that's a toss-up. You get the point. "Vacation" is bad; real bad; torture bad. It's not only poorly written by FOURTEEN PEOPLE, it's shoddy, sounding as if your friend's "fart song" was given a modicum of production by an intern. "Vacation" transcends bro-country because it's a perfect storm of awfulness. A shit hurricane. A dumpster fire in hell. A train wreck in a funeral home. Thankfully, radio somehow agreed that it was terrible and prevented it from becoming an actual hit. Still, Rhett Akins, what hath thou wrought upon us?
2. Chris Lane - Fix
Farce the Music probably made more memes about this song than any other in 2016. Twenty-sixteen was one of the worst years in the lifetime of most people reading these words, so imagine being one of the two worst songs during that time-frame. It's almost like you have to try to make something this bad. It rides on the 'love as a drug' cliché metaphor like a screaming toddler on the Booh Bah ride at Chuck E. Cheese. That might sound pretty entertaining, but imagine you're the parent, and the kid just threw up and his change of clothes is in the car and you locked the keys in. Yeah, that bad.
3. Clare Dunn - Tuxedo
This would be number one if it had actually made an impact on the country charts. Or 1b, anyway; yeesh "Vacation" is so bad. As it stands, the sheer horror of this thing still gives it a top 3 finish. This makes 2015's "Friend Zone" sound like "Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain." Clare Dunn, you should be embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for you, anyway.
4. Luke Bryan - Move
"Move" is the next in a long line of shaking it for me and kicking dust up on my kind of night. In fact, it's part 4 in that nightmare of a quadrilogy. Luke Bryan is probably on the verge of leaving crap like this off of his albums, being over 40 and all, but he's still hanging onto those last threads of his frat bro days. "Move" isn't quite as bad as the first three I referred to, but it's still "turn the channel within the first five notes" material.
5. Dustin Lynch - Seein' Red
This isn't a country song. This isn't a good pop song. Dustin Lynch has a pretty nice country-sounding voice. The fact that he's made such a swift move from semi-traditional pop-country to disco metro garbage like this is surely a clear sign that he's more enamored with dollar signs than art.
6. Dierks Bentley - Somewhere on a Beach
Dierks is better than this, but 2016 was the year Dierks decided he fully did not care what he's better than. He and his management and handlers were probably hoping this was the one that'd finally make him an A-lister, but nope. Still on that B-list, D. I'd rather hang just below elite level with songs I could be proud of than follow the crowd and still miss the mark.
7. The Band Perry - Comeback Kid
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha.
8. Florida-Georgia Line - H.O.L.Y.
(insert stock commentary about FGL trying to put out more mature songs and sounding ridiculous doing so)
9. Brantley Gilbert - The Weekend
I don't have the energy to make fun of Brantley again right now. This is just not good. Brantley's voice only sounds (relatively) good singing the random ballad now and then. He'd rather do these bro party anthems. I'd rather not hear them.
10. Kane Brown - Ain't No Stopping Us Now
Just stop. Kane has been another example of "the internet is not the real world" in 2016. You know… how internet popularity and social media bubble mindsets don't necessarily have any footing in the real world… One of those examples will be inaugurated in January. The other will be doing county fair shows for passionate Tumblr fans in the years to come.
Aug 19, 2016
Aug 12, 2016
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 5, 2016
Jul 27, 2016
Feb 17, 2016
Jan 14, 2016
Where would they be if not famous: Brantley Gilbert, living in a trailer listening to Avenged Sevenfold playing slow pitch softball....— Nick Tschida (@Cheets3) July 19, 2015
Shit. Spent two hours in studio laying down badass vocal for Zucchini Tarts before realizing I'd grabbed cookbook instead of lyric sheet.— Fake Martina McBride (@DrunkenMartina) January 6, 2016
So is it the talk-singing, the skinny pants, or the high tops that makes Sam Hunt country?— Maycee Holden (@MayceeHolden) December 16, 2015
it seems having chops isn't as important as having a lighted box to stand on while playing a 80's hair metal lead on a pretend country song.— Ray Wylie Hubbard (@raywylie) January 8, 2016
#AgPowerBallDreams buy Luke Bryan some man pants and a can of dip to stain his teeth— beckm1 (@beckm1) January 10, 2016
WTF is this new "country" song singing about a girl in a SnapBack? Country music sucks anymore.— Amber Gobrogge (@ambergobrogge) January 12, 2016
The gym I went to today in Germany was more enjoyable than I'd expected. pic.twitter.com/3JXyggTJpT— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) January 13, 2016
The Band Perry thinking pop fans want suburban soccer mom music dolled up with EDM beats and lasers is such a glaring miscalculation.— Grady Smith (@gradywsmith) December 11, 2015
The one constant in modern country music is an intense hatred of this nation's fine interstate highway system.— Todd Holloman (@todd_holloman) January 8, 2016
A bro country song is basically an extended Nelly hook but about trucks, cute girls in cutoff jorts, hard work, & beer. I got this.— TBG3000 (@ThatBoysGood) January 13, 2016
Remember when country music was written by Cowboys instead of spoiled frat boys?— Cal Ellis (@Snowmice) December 29, 2015
Chris Stapleton's big toe is more country that Sam Hunt in a step side Chevy Pickup— mac norton (@mac_norton) December 15, 2015
Adding me on FB then immediately inviting me to like your shitty country band’s page. “Big things on the horizon.” #stuffwhitepeoplelike— Charlie Stout (@charliestout) January 12, 2016
In 2016 resolve to listen to more singers whose jeans weren't picked out for them.— Reginald Spears (@ReginaldSpears) December 30, 2015
Jan 13, 2016
Jan 12, 2016
Dec 18, 2015
First off, I need to address the elephant in the room. There are no Sam Hunt songs on this list. I didn't exclude him because he isn't country (he isn't) or because he isn't the worst thing that happened to country radio in 2015 (he was). I just found all 10 of these songs to be far more a tax on my nerves than anything Hunt released in 2015. He still sucks, don't get me wrong, but here are truly the 10 worst country songs of 2015!
1. The Band Perry - Live Forever
The Band Perry plays country music, or at least that's what their Twitter bio read in 2013. Fast forward to 2015, past a couple hits and several underperforming singles and TBP completely reinvented themselves as a grating pop band with this bit of pointless fluff. Nonsensical lyrics, an overpowering shade of yellow, and absolutely no ties whatsoever to the genre in which they so shittily released this rancid pile of vomit. Evolution schmevolution, this is full on pop, and not even good pop. Embarrassing. A torpedo to a modestly promising career if ever there was one. There's talk of them "going pop" like Taylor Swift did, but Taylor had name recognition and good songs. Maybe the Perry brood should go into hair-styling.
2. Luke Bryan - Kick the Dust Up
The butt of endless jokes and memes here at FTM, this song had the nearly middle-aged Mr. Bryan tossing out slang, partying with the youngs, and inviting them under the bridge as long as they left their cell phones at the truck and didn't tell anyone. Wait, what? Nearly as bad as "That's My Kind of Night," one of the worst country songs ever released.
3. Florida-Georgia Line - Sun Daze
Released in 2014, puked …err peaked in 2015. Maybe that's cheating a little, but this song is bad enough to make "worst of" lists in multiple years. Our heroic lead singer, in this classy gem, refers to his penis as an umbrella and his paramour's vagina as a drink in which he plans to insert his tiny decorative umbrella whilst she perches uncomfortably upon the sink, hoping not to be grinded into the dirty dishes by the stoned Tyler Hubbard. Hot garbage. Not even the catchy kind.
4. Zac Brown Band - Beautiful Drug
Enough's been said about this lame-ass EDM song to fill a book the size of Benedict Arnold's biography. Can one song ruin the legacy of a heretofore mostly respected artist? Maybe not, but this is at least enough to leave a smelly stain and cause a great deal of worry about this talented band's future.
5. Old Dominion - Break Up With Him
This creepy bastard wants you to break up with your boyfriend, for whom you've confessed no ill will towards, and come over to have sex with him. When I used to write lyrics, one of the oft-repeated rules was to back up your message. In this song, they needed to prove the current boyfriend actually deserves to be broken up with to make the singer more sympathetic. They did nothing of the sort, coming off as an Axe-sprayed, too-tight-tshirt-wearing douchebag just looking for a little play, not caring about the repercussions on other people's lives. Just a pile of crap.
6. Cole Swindell - Let Me See Ya Girl
This song proved bro-country in its purest form hadn't left us in 2015. In fact, it went to #1 on the charts with this craptastic half-written rehash of everything Florida-Georgia Line has wet dreams about. Drive truck with hottie, find place to party. Come up with new and exciting figures of speech to describe the sexy movements of the aforementioned hottie. Hey, I know!... "like wind moves cotton?" Really?
7. Chase Rice - Gonna Wanna Tonight
Insipid. Every time I went in Dollar General this year, there was a 1/3 chance this song was playing over the intercom. I made my visits quick.
8. Haley Georgia - Ridiculous
This song would be ranked higher if it had had any impact whatsoever upon the charts or "country music" culture, but it didn't… thankfully. This tune was basically an excuse for a girl to sing the word "dick" over and over without getting censored for it. True ear torture.
9. Jason Aldean - Gonna Know We Were Here
Jason Aldean doesn't care anymore and he doesn't even care if you know it. In the point of his album era when Aldean usually releases a song that seems way too good for an a-hole of his calibre, Jason this time chose to put out one of his least distinctive and worst singles of his career.
10. Danielle Bradbery - Friend Zone
Just listen to this shit.
Nov 24, 2015
Nov 20, 2015
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