Showing posts with label The Band Perry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Band Perry. Show all posts

Mar 6, 2019

Feb 22, 2017

Classic Sitcoms Country Reaction Gifs

Listening to somebody defend The Band Perry

Hey, how come Widespread Panic only
sounds badass when you see them live?

Beatles! Stones! Beatles! Stones!
STONES!!!!!!!!

When she buys you front row tickets to Sturgill
for your birthday 

 How's that new Nikki Lane album sound?

When you're a hater but trying to be polite

Hey! Did you hear Ray Wylie Hubbard 
announced a show here?

When they actually play a country song
on the country station

Feb 3, 2017

Our Wall of Honor Gets a New Addition!

Farce the Music's Wall of Honor is a showplace for our well-earned and highly prized Twitter blocks. Today we add a new plaque. Our least favorite country pop country pop country pop flip floppers: THE BAND PERRY!




They are added to the existing wall...

Dec 21, 2016

The Ten Worst Country Songs of 2016




1. Thomas Rhett - Vacation
I mean, there have been worse songs in human history. The song your drunken friend made up about farts one night after eating Taco Bell at 2:14 a.m. "I'm Too Sexy?" Nah, that's better. Uh, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Nah, still better. Um. Starship's "We Built This City"…yeah, that's a toss-up. You get the point. "Vacation" is bad; real bad; torture bad. It's not only poorly written by FOURTEEN PEOPLE, it's shoddy, sounding as if your friend's "fart song" was given a modicum of production by an intern. "Vacation" transcends bro-country because it's a perfect storm of awfulness. A shit hurricane. A dumpster fire in hell. A train wreck in a funeral home. Thankfully, radio somehow agreed that it was terrible and prevented it from becoming an actual hit. Still, Rhett Akins, what hath thou wrought upon us?


2. Chris Lane - Fix
Farce the Music probably made more memes about this song than any other in 2016. Twenty-sixteen was one of the worst years in the lifetime of most people reading these words, so imagine being one of the two worst songs during that time-frame. It's almost like you have to try to make something this bad. It rides on the 'love as a drug' cliché metaphor like a screaming toddler on the Booh Bah ride at Chuck E. Cheese. That might sound pretty entertaining, but imagine you're the parent, and the kid just threw up and his change of clothes is in the car and you locked the keys in. Yeah, that bad.


3. Clare Dunn - Tuxedo
This would be number one if it had actually made an impact on the country charts. Or 1b, anyway; yeesh "Vacation" is so bad. As it stands, the sheer horror of this thing still gives it a top 3 finish. This makes 2015's "Friend Zone" sound like "Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain." Clare Dunn, you should be embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for you, anyway.


4. Luke Bryan - Move
"Move" is the next in a long line of shaking it for me and kicking dust up on my kind of night. In fact, it's part 4 in that nightmare of a quadrilogy. Luke Bryan is probably on the verge of leaving crap like this off of his albums, being over 40 and all, but he's still hanging onto those last threads of his frat bro days. "Move" isn't quite as bad as the first three I referred to, but it's still "turn the channel within the first five notes" material.


5. Dustin Lynch - Seein' Red
This isn't a country song. This isn't a good pop song. Dustin Lynch has a pretty nice country-sounding voice. The fact that he's made such a swift move from semi-traditional pop-country to disco metro garbage like this is surely a clear sign that he's more enamored with dollar signs than art.


6. Dierks Bentley - Somewhere on a Beach
Dierks is better than this, but 2016 was the year Dierks decided he fully did not care what he's better than. He and his management and handlers were probably hoping this was the one that'd finally make him an A-lister, but nope. Still on that B-list, D. I'd rather hang just below elite level with songs I could be proud of than follow the crowd and still miss the mark.


7. The Band Perry - Comeback Kid
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha.


8. Florida-Georgia Line - H.O.L.Y.
(insert stock commentary about FGL trying to put out more mature songs and sounding ridiculous doing so)


9. Brantley Gilbert - The Weekend
I don't have the energy to make fun of Brantley again right now. This is just not good. Brantley's voice only sounds (relatively) good singing the random ballad now and then. He'd rather do these bro party anthems. I'd rather not hear them.


10. Kane Brown - Ain't No Stopping Us Now
Just stop. Kane has been another example of "the internet is not the real world" in 2016. You know… how internet popularity and social media bubble mindsets don't necessarily have any footing in the real world… One of those examples will be inaugurated in January. The other will be doing county fair shows for passionate Tumblr fans in the years to come.

Jan 14, 2016

Country TwitterWINs: January '16




Dec 18, 2015

Ten Worst Country Songs of 2015

First off, I need to address the elephant in the room. There are no Sam Hunt songs on this list. I didn't exclude him because he isn't country (he isn't) or because he isn't the worst thing that happened to country radio in 2015 (he was). I just found all 10 of these songs to be far more a tax on my nerves than anything Hunt released in 2015. He still sucks, don't get me wrong, but here are truly the 10 worst country songs of 2015!

1. The Band Perry - Live Forever
The Band Perry plays country music, or at least that's what their Twitter bio read in 2013. Fast forward to 2015, past a couple hits and several underperforming singles and TBP completely reinvented themselves as a grating pop band with this bit of pointless fluff. Nonsensical lyrics, an overpowering shade of yellow, and absolutely no ties whatsoever to the genre in which they so shittily released this rancid pile of vomit. Evolution schmevolution, this is full on pop, and not even good pop. Embarrassing. A torpedo to a modestly promising career if ever there was one. There's talk of them "going pop" like Taylor Swift did, but Taylor had name recognition and good songs. Maybe the Perry brood should go into hair-styling.

2. Luke Bryan - Kick the Dust Up
The butt of endless jokes and memes here at FTM, this song had the nearly middle-aged Mr. Bryan tossing out slang, partying with the youngs, and inviting them under the bridge as long as they left their cell phones at the truck and didn't tell anyone. Wait, what? Nearly as bad as "That's My Kind of Night," one of the worst country songs ever released.

3. Florida-Georgia Line - Sun Daze
Released in 2014, puked …err peaked in 2015. Maybe that's cheating a little, but this song is bad enough to make "worst of" lists in multiple years. Our heroic lead singer, in this classy gem, refers to his penis as an umbrella and his paramour's vagina as a drink in which he plans to insert his tiny decorative umbrella whilst she perches uncomfortably upon the sink, hoping not to be grinded into the dirty dishes by the stoned Tyler Hubbard. Hot garbage. Not even the catchy kind.

4. Zac Brown Band - Beautiful Drug
Enough's been said about this lame-ass EDM song to fill a book the size of Benedict Arnold's biography. Can one song ruin the legacy of a heretofore mostly respected artist? Maybe not, but this is at least enough to leave a smelly stain and cause a great deal of worry about this talented band's future.

5. Old Dominion - Break Up With Him
This creepy bastard wants you to break up with your boyfriend, for whom you've confessed no ill will towards, and come over to have sex with him. When I used to write lyrics, one of the oft-repeated rules was to back up your message. In this song, they needed to prove the current boyfriend actually deserves to be broken up with to make the singer more sympathetic. They did nothing of the sort, coming off as an Axe-sprayed, too-tight-tshirt-wearing douchebag just looking for a little play, not caring about the repercussions on other people's lives. Just a pile of crap.

6. Cole Swindell - Let Me See Ya Girl
This song proved bro-country in its purest form hadn't left us in 2015. In fact, it went to #1 on the charts with this craptastic half-written rehash of everything Florida-Georgia Line has wet dreams about. Drive truck with hottie, find place to party. Come up with new and exciting figures of speech to describe the sexy movements of the aforementioned hottie. Hey, I know!... "like wind moves cotton?" Really?

7. Chase Rice - Gonna Wanna Tonight
Insipid. Every time I went in Dollar General this year, there was a 1/3 chance this song was playing over the intercom. I made my visits quick. 

8. Haley Georgia - Ridiculous
This song would be ranked higher if it had had any impact whatsoever upon the charts or "country music" culture, but it didn't… thankfully. This tune was basically an excuse for a girl to sing the word "dick" over and over without getting censored for it. True ear torture.

9. Jason Aldean - Gonna Know We Were Here
Jason Aldean doesn't care anymore and he doesn't even care if you know it. In the point of his album era when Aldean usually releases a song that seems way too good for an a-hole of his calibre, Jason this time chose to put out one of his least distinctive and worst singles of his career.  

Rant: As mean as I can be on here, I don't actually hate or even dislike (as people) most of the artists that I pick on, but Aldean's a tool and I truly don't care for the guy, and he's certainly not making it easy to change that line of thinking with his music, his attitude, or his actions.

10. Danielle Bradbery - Friend Zone
Just listen to this shit.

Nov 20, 2015

Learn Vocabulary with FTM 2

With this helpful guide, you can learn some new words today
that you can pepper into conversations to make people think your more smarter!*

Photo examples are provided to broaden your understanding of the selected words.













Definitions from Google, Dictionary.com, Merriam-Webster, and Urban Dictionary.
*yeah, I know thats ain't right

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