Every #1 Country Song of the 2000s: 2009

2009

January 3: "Here" by Rascal Flatts

It's palpable how much trend chasing Rascal Flatts was doing with this one. This is so blatant in that regard by taking the writers of the genuinely great "What Hurts the Most" and making them do a rehash of "Bless the Broken Road." The opening line -- "There's a place I've been looking for / That took me out of buildings, behind windows, walls, and doors" -- is one of the most insipid, bland pieces of songwriting I've ever found in my life. Other than that, it's a stock "finally found the right one" narrative, with a stock "can you please turn the damn guitars down" production style from Dann Huff.. This is the very definition of a "nothing" song, as evidenced by it being one of the few #1 hits in this stretch to not even go gold. I'll say one thing in its favor: at least it's not "Bob That Head." C-

January 17: "Already Gone" by Sugarland

This one is already a cut above thanks to that melody -- which only gets even better when you hear multiple Jennifers and Kristian singing a round at the end. Thankfully, the lyrics measure up too. It's a story about a woman anxious to get away from home and falling in love, only for it not to work out at the end. This kind of three-act structure is tied to a hook of "already gone" and manages to pull it off without any sense of contrivance. Songs like this don't usually get downer endings. And that line "our whole life down to one box" is a great summary of all the mistakes the narrator makes along the way. By emphasizing her flaws and failures, this is way more nuanced than the "three act" formula in country usually gets, and the production only adds more to the surroundings. A

January 24: "Start a Band" by Brad Paisley feat. Keith Urban

And now we're back to Brad sticking the landing on his comedy songs. This guy has expectations that he isn't living up to -- something this gifted child can identify with -- and so his solution is to turn to music. It's not the most original narrative ever, but I did genuinely find it funny. Lines like "never buy another beer again" show how much fun the writers were having with the concept, and Brad's chemistry with Keith is highly tangible even before they start trading off guitar riffs. Some critics thought Brad sounded too dull compared to Keith, but I read it as a slacker versus go-getter dynamic -- Brad's character in the song wants to start a band because he's too lazy for anything else,whereas Keith's character is hungry for fame and money. Maybe that's a generous read, but either way, I think this song is just right in terms of comedy and talent. A

January 31: "Country Boy" by Alan Jackson

I said it before, but this song sounds like Herbert the Pervert recorded it. When a 50 year old man tells you "I'm not a stalker," the only reaction should be to run away and call the police. Alan makes it even grosser with the single entendre "climb in my bed, I'll take you for a ride" and comparing his truck seats to a baby's butt. Also, the slant-rhymes -- long a trademark of AJ's -- are at his worst here (asphalt/red dirt), not to mention the fact that the song is overlong and bloated thanks to two bridges. It's a shame, because not unlike "Where I Come From," the groove is pretty good here, and he seems to have accidentally stumbled into the criminally under-used Dorian mode on the melody. It's just that literally everything else about this is so gross I have to jump in the shower every time I hear it. F

February 7: "She Wouldn't Be Gone" by Blake Shelton

This is another "man finds out too late what he's done wrong" narrative, and I think it's slightly better than "She Never Cried in Front of Me." I like the detail of zooming in on a singular flower that he wishes he'd picked to bring to her -- a perfect example of how something mundane might have been the start of a totally different outcome. He knows he was "stubborn" and ego-centric. His vocal starts off soft, then ramps up throughout to an intense, almost screaming chorus and lines about punching his dashboard in frustration to illustrate how angry he is. I also like the details of him calling her mom and friends to no avail. The production is loud and leans heavily into the electric guitar to further convey his frustrations, but it never feels over-the-top or bombastic. This is another #1 that slipped through the cracks, and I'm at a loss as to why -- if you ask me, it's easily the best thing he topped the charts with since "Austin." A

February 21: "Feel That Fire" by Dierks Bentley

Just based on production and melody alone, this one is already above average: a neat syncopated rhythm with doubled banjo and electric guitar, octave-wide jumps on the vocals, and even some ventures in and out of Mixolydian mode. Lyrically, it's a list of observations on what his woman wants, but they're surprisingly nuanced and detailed. I can't say no to someone who wants to "make every stray a pet." But more importantly, she wants to feel like she's with someone who loves her, and he wants the same thing in return -- and it's that inward look on the chorus that ties things together. It's that payoff that makes this way more substantial than the meandering mess that was Eric Church's "Love Your Love the Most." This album is widely considered Dierks' worst, but you'd never tell that from the lead single alone. A-

February 28: "Down the Road"

by Kenny Chesney feat. Mac McAnally

I knew about Mac McAnally's ability as a performer long before this song came out, thanks to memories of "Back Where I Come From" and finding his Word of Mouth in a cutout bin. His solo verison of this song from 1990 was unfamiliar to me, but I remember hearing a good take by Restless Heart on their 2004 Still Restless album. I thought at the time, "this is an amazing song, and it's a shame no one will ever have a hit with it." Leave it to Kenny Chesney to prove me wrong. It's a sweet story about a father (or in this case, possibly two fathers?) wanting the best for their children, without ever feeling preachy, over-protective, or angry. As is the case with almost anything with Mac's name on it, the lyrics are short yet detailed ("Her mama wants to know am I washed in the blood or just in the water / Her daddy wants to know if I make enough to take his daughter"). Kenny has a relaxed read that leads seamlessly into Mac's laid-back twang on the second verse, and the production is just acoustic guitar and congas. It's economical, it's relatable, it's charming, and its success pleasantly surprised me. What more could you ask for? A+

March 7: "God Love Her" by Toby Keith

Since this is just "Whiskey Girl" with different words, I'm going to copy my "Whiskey Girl" review. I think the guitar tone alone raises this a notch or two for me. Other than that, there's not really a lot of flavor here. It's a standard "man, my girl is hot" lyric without a real hook. While "beer just makes her turn up her nose" "She holds tight to me and the Bible / On the backseat of my motorcycle" is kind of a cute image and "but I like 'em rough" "God love her / Me and God love her" does stick out a bit for an intentional break in the rhyme scheme, everything else is extremely by-the-numbers. Thankfully, it doesn't feel nearly as creepy as Travis Tritt's "The Girl's Gone Wild," but that's about all I can say in its favor. This is just filler, and that's not usually a term I can use to describe a Toby Keith song, good or bad. C

March 14: "Sweet Thing" by Keith Urban

Heads up: we're in for a rough patch here. If you're reminding me of Enrique Iglesias, then you might want to step up your game a bit. This one is oddly muted for an Urban up-tempo, lacking the energy and passion that drove "Days Go By" or "Once in a Lifetime." It's also a very uninspired lyric about just wanting to be with your lover -- a sweet enough sentiment, but he just doesn't do anything with it. I can't remember a single line and I'm typing this less than a minute after I listened to it. At least it's not as infuriatingly juvenile as "Kiss a Girl." Do yourself a favor and skip ahead to "'Til Summer Comes Around" and "I'm In," because this one is barely even worth a curiosity listen. C-

March 28: "It Won't Be Like This for Long" by Darius Rucker

Ashley Gorley ripped himself off here. In an attempt to make another "You're Gonna Miss This," he strips out the progression of time, instead keeping things in the present day. While that might have worked as a sort of "midquel," the attempt to zoom in also robs the song's father-versus-growing child narrative of the emotional payoff that made "You're Gonna Miss This" soar. There's also the horrible rhyming and scansion of "Four years later, 'bout 4:30, she's crawling in their bed / And when he drops her off at preschool, she's clinging to his leg."To Darius's credit, he is a damn good vocalist, and the production stays out of his way to let his interpretive skills shine. The problem is there just isn't much here to interpret, and the song falls flat as a result. C+

April 18: "River of Love" by George Strait

It's a shame that King George's last trip to the top of Billboard was something so utterly inconsequential. The ukulele is literally the only thing to make this song stand out; otherwise, it's the lightest lyric he's cut since "I Just Want to Dance with You." There isn't a hook, and other than actually referencing the ukulele in the lyrics, there isn't even the tiniest bit of cleverness or originality in the verses. Strait's vocal delivery is the same chill charisma you'd expect, but that's chump change when there's just nothing to work with. I get that maybe he wanted lighter fare to balance out "I Saw God Today" and "Troubadour" (even if I think the attempts at depth catastrophically missed on the latter), but if you ask me, he went way too light. It's a shame the captivatingly dark "Living for the Night" only got to #2, because I'd love to spend time lauding that song instead. C-

April 25: "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts

"Here" failed by being a blatant rehash of "Bless the Broken Road," and it'd be easy to dismiss this as a blatant rehash of "What Hurts the Most," but let's zoom in. I like the first lines' detail about tires on a gravel road. The tension is there in lines like "I hear my doorbell / She usually comes right in; now I can tell / Here comes goodbye," and framing it right before the breakup does help it feel a lot less derivative than it looks on paper. The first two verses are a lot more restrained than anything off their last album; even though the strings and electric guitar by the second chorus do signal Dann Huff's usual excess, Gary LeVox's vocal stays mostly in check. (I also dig the brief time signature shift on the last "gonna cry.") This is another lead single that had seemingly zero staying power, but given some of the dreadful material they were releasing at this point ("Every Day," "Summer Nights," and yes, "Bob That Head"), both this and the stunning "Why" are proof that even what is widely considered their worst string of albums still had a few gems. B+

May 2: "It's America" by Rodney Atkins

If you're going to put an "it" in your title, make sure you clarify your grammatical antecedent. What is the "it"? Is it the kids selling lemonade (which, to be fair, is carried over from first verse to chorus)? Is it the community coming together after a tornado? Is it the litany of stereotypical images -- Springsteen, Chevrolet, fireflies, farms, the space race? Unlike "Only in America," there's no acknowledgment that even the ideal image of America is an imperfect one -- outside one throwaway line about "we don't always get it all right" that's not only not expanded on, but outright negated by the very next half of the couplet. This is pandering to a Norman Rockwell crowd, and it's probably the worst thing Brett James wrote since "Who I Am." Even the vocal track (where he almost seems to forget the key change) and production (where the backing vocals drown him out) are far below the standards of the If You're Going Through Hell album cycle. I'll tell you one thing "it" isn't: any good. C-

May 16: "She's Country" by Jason Aldean

Only two songs after the fantastic "Laughed Until We Cried," we have him trying something different. Unfortunately, that "something different" was "poor-man's AC/DC." And as someone who really can't stand AC/DC, you can bet I don't like this song at all. The lyrics are dumb as all hell, foreshadowing the "bro-country" trend of the following years through their mix of sexism and street slang. Exactly what is a "honey drippin' honey" in this context? I have a couple of theories, but they're probably too gross for this review. We learn little about what exactly makes her country other than "she's hot" and "she drives a jacked-up truck," which is galling for a song with a female co-writer (and the other co-writer being the usually more dependable Danny Myrick). I was pretty lenient on Aldean up to this point, but this is the first taste we got of Douche Aldean. And unfortunately, it will only get way worse on most of the later songs. D

May 23: "It Happens" by Sugarland

And we're two for two on songs that cheekily find a way to almost get a profanity on radio. I love the strong guitar strumming at the beginning here, along with the details of being late for work with two different shoes on, then getting into a car accident. With your neighbor's car, which you borrowed because yours had a flat. And the car you ran into is your ex's. Jennifer's voice sounds like she's laughing at how much of a wreck her life is right now, aided by lines like "the same ol', worn out, blah blah story" and a couple of spoken ad-libs -- and of course, the "pssh" before the title. (You put it together.) The production is crisp and joyous and fun, making this whole package sound like a goofier cousin to Trout Fishing in America's "Cracked Up." Why not learn to laugh at yourself? A

June 6: "Then" by Brad Paisley

I have a friend who loves this song, and he feels let down every time I remark on how much I hate it. While the vocal delivery is a bit warmer than usual, it's buried under a sludgy, bombastic production so far removed from Brad's usual style that it's hard to tell it's even him. And the lyrics are infuratingly cliché: "now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world / I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl / Like a river meets the sea stronger than it's ever been..." It feels emotionally detached, uninspired, and as out of character as George Strait doing grindcore. Sometimes I can let some clichés slide, but this is probably the angriest I've ever been at the sheer un-originality of a lyric and arrangement since "How Do I Live." I correctly predicted over a quarter of the lyrics on the first listen; it's that damn uninspired. Furthermore, this song cast such a huge shadow that it leeched airplay from the infinitely superior "Welcome to the Future" (to the point that Chicago's WUSN still had "Then" in top rotation the week "Future" was at #2, and refused to play the latter at all), just giving me one more reason for this song to piss me off. F

June 27: "Out Last Night" by Kenny Chesney

What I love the most about this one is how it's not just about the partying, but also about the people doing so. We find all kinds of quirky little character sketches in this bar visit, including the narrator's own humorous tall tales about being a celebrity or fugitive. We find drunk girls singing "I Got You Babe" to each other. Like "Down the Road," it's helped with a more acoustic read, though this one is more of a brisk shuffle than an economic ballad. Drinking songs don't always have to be rave-ups, and this is one of the rare songs that manages to sound fun and likable without being loud. It's a shame that such a charmer was relegated to a greatest-hits album, because it easily stands out even in a catalog full of hits. A

July 11: "Sideways" by Dierks Bentley

This was the song that made me realize the consensus of Feel That Fire being Dierks' worst album, as this is by far his worst single. The first line says "it's so loud in here I can't hear a thing," which summarizes the production style to a tee. Most of the riffs just sound like someone threw "Feel That Fire" in a blender. This was probably the producer trying to salvage Dierks's vocal, which is the blandest and most lifeless I've heard him sound (a trend that will show up in a couple other songs of his down the road). While a more spirited read might have at least elevated it, it's still kind of a dull lyric about meeting a hot girl -- who of course is given zero characterization -- and barroom fights with seemingly no stakes other than boredom. The emphasis on the wrong syllable demon comes in hard with "dee-JAY, don't you play nothing slow" for extra measure. There's no buildup to the hook, which feels fully detached from the song. In short, literally nothing works here. I've flunked out songs before for having repugnant messages or being infuriatingly cliché, but this is one of the only songs I can give a failing grade for sheer incompetence. F

July 25: "I Run to You" by Lady Antebellum

This is another artist I have to really strain to separate art from artist -- and it's a shame, because for the most part, their debut album was solid. I love the opening line "I run from hate, I run from prejudice / I run from pessimism, but I run too late," which is a lot more than a song like this usually bothers to set up. Every other line builds on the "run" theme in some way, and while it's not quite as captivating as, well, George Strait's "Run," the whole concept of escaping from the negativity of the world in favor someone you can love and trust. Outside a slightly bombastic production style, it's not trying too take the "Troubadour" route of acting like its message is the biggest most meaningful important thing ever. It's just a pretty, slightly deeper than average love song with tasteful vocals. As tired as this formula would get just two albums later, but the first couple songs along this line were way better than I remember. B+

August 1: "People Are Crazy" by Billy Currington

This is a feel-good story that a more cynical person might dismiss as something made up to fill a page in Reader's Digest. The male narrator meets an old man, with whom he pontificates on the ups and downs of life. We learn a lot about the man, who is a divorced veteran and terminally ill from smoking. The narrator and old man probably don't see eye to eye on politics or their tastes in women, but they're willing to laugh and ponder. And that hook -- "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" -- is one of the countriest lyrics I've heard in my life. Then we get to the last verse, where the old man dies and leaves his entire fortune to the narrator, whom he apparently met just that once. But it's clear that conversation meant something to the both of them, and I can't ever fault a song for being sympathetic toward a dying old man. I've heard countless stories of wealthy people being extremely generous, so this doesn't seem at all far-fetched. In fact, it reads extremely likable and real, thanks in no small part to Currington's warm delivery and the beautiful, acoustic production behind him. By being human, heartwarming, humorous, generous, and a little sad all at the same time, this is one of the best country songs of the entire decade as far as I'm concerned. A+

August 15: "Alright" by Darius Rucker

I wish this song were "alright." Taking stock of the small things is a common country music formula, but you have to do something with that formula. Lyrically, the most interesting thing here is that he mentions spaghetti, which I don't think I've heard in a country song before. It's just a standard "I don't have X, but I have Y" that's been done to death, with only a vague hint of continuity making it feel less infuriatingly lazy than "Love Your Love the Most."The production and Darius's voice are as smooth and easy-going as "Don't Think I Don't Think About It," but that's chump change when the lyrics are so paint-by-numbers I'm surprised the CD didn't come with a cheap plastic brush. C-

August 22: "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift

This one sounds very teen-aged, but unlike "Should've Said No," she doesn't sound like she's singing through clenched teeth so it's already a ton better. I like the little writerly details of the narrator listening to the music the other girl hates, while also listing off all the differences between the two of them. As clearly indebted as this is to a crowd under drinking age, it once again shows glimpses of that wisdom beyond her years that made her strongest songs in this era the most captivating. I also dig the production, which mixes banjo with power chords and manages to sound like a mashup of all the genres its target demographic probably listened to at the time -- country, Radio Disney, and pop punk. The "dump him, you're better off with me" narrative has been done before, but tilting it to a younger audience was a smart move if you ask me. B+

September 5: "Big Green Tractor" by Jason Aldean

This kind of innuendo can be done right -- such as Justin Moore's "Back That Thing Up," whose final verse goes out of its way to side with the innocent interpretation of all the double-entendres it builds up. It can also be done wrong, as seen earlier in my review of "Country Boy." This one is comfortably in the former camp by merit of a more laid-back production and vocal. Even wedged between the incredibly douchey "She's Country" and even worse material of his later years, I can't knock this one. After all, it's still about a low-stakes affair with the one he loves. It's not the best thing ever, and it by no means exonerates him of later misdeeds. But the fact that I can give an honest and mildly positive review of this song without saying "haha, by 'tractor' he means 'penis'" says something. B

October 3: "Small Town USA" by Justin Moore

I'll say it again: I think the people who derided "Back That Thing Up" completely missed the last verse. Unfortunately, the follow-up has no twists to it. No specificity, no narrative, just a boring list of country things. It's so generic that I'm struggling to even write this review; all I can say is that Justin Moore does have a likable twang, even if he kind of forces it a little too hard on the line "a Sunday morning that's full of grace." I think he played it way too safe after a risky debut single. While a few later songs like "How I Got to Be This Way" or "This Kind of Town" found a few flashes of originality, this one would establish a precedent of getting airplay entirely by reminding people how many "country boy" tropes you check off. Can we just skip ahead to the genuinely funny "You Look Like I Need a Drink" instead? C-

October 10: "American Ride" by Toby Keith

This is such an odd time capsule of an era when Trump was just a buffoonish businessman; the McDonald's coffee lawsuit was still somewhat in people's minds; rising gas prices weren't such a cliché; and you could still guarantee at least one decent Toby Keith single per album. As known as he was for jingoism in by now, it's obvious this song at least tries to fire shots at the left and the right alike; whether it succeeds is up to the listener. I respect that he tried not to pander (maybe it helps that this is one of the few he didn't write), and mocks worthy targets like stupid Internet stunts and unfair body standards. Furthermore, he's willing to admit pride in America in spite of its faults -- or possibly that he doesn't love it. I like the unusual melody and guitar riff, and how much fun Toby is clearly having singing lines like "the fit's gonna hit the shan." I think it's pretty obvious by now that my politics are solidly on the left. B as scattershot and slightly dated as this song is now, I at least respect that someone who's pretty much my political opposite went for South Park level "both sides" absurdism. In an era where it seems just about the only "jokes" the right can make anymore are "I identify as X" and "Biden is old," it's refreshing to look back to a time when they could at least try. B

October 24: "Gettin' You Home (The Black Dress Song)"

by Chris Young

I still want to know what Bob Kingsley had against the second verse of this song, as he always edited it out during Bob Kingsley's Country Top 40. It's a shame, because this is a very solid make-out song. Chris Young has a natural charisma, and the guitar hook immediately reminds you you're listening to a country record, albeit one with a few splashes of old-school R&B. The easygoing vibe keeps things sensual without feeling macho or TMI as he lays out the story -- it's a night on the town, and he wants to end the night having sex. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and as un-original as the concept may sound on paper, it's clear he loves the woman he's with. This is just cool and sexy in all the right ways, and I think it was a great single to break him through. A-

October 31: "Only You Can Love Me This Way" by Keith Urban

This was a point where Keith Urban started to lapse into a seemingly endless stretch of love songs -- I blame the recent marriage to Nicole Kidman -- but thankfully this is one of the least mushy. This one manages to be low-key without being catatonic, thanks to some lovely acoustic guitar fills and a warm vocal. As boring as the lyrics look when typed out -- always on my heart, always on my mind, etc. etc. -- Keith sings them with a sincerity that makes them sound so much more than that. This song is never over the top in words or sound, which is saying a lot for something with Dann Huff's name on it. (It almost got cut by Rascal Flatts, and I shudder to think what their version would have sounded like.) These kinds of songs can be boring and stale in the wrong hands, but this one manages to stay just on the right side of the line. B

November 7: "Toes" by Zac Brown Band

Country radio, make up your mind: can singers say "ass" or not? I actually heard both versions, and one local station even edited out the word themselves (oddly, they didn't touch "roll a big fat one"). Not unlike Rick Trevino's "Bobbie Ann Mason," this one is lighthearted but gets bonus points for sticking to the bit longer, so the stakes can be fleshed out without over-staying its welcome. That it's a casual, light-hearted beach song might set off a few people's "poor man's Jimmy Buffett" alarms, but I like all the little details it adds. For example: we find out he's from Georgia, smokes weed, speaks at least a little Spanish, gets hit on by a waitress, and is generous toward the locals. I also love the payoff of him getting back home again and putting his lawn chair in the driveway -- because mentally, he's still in the islands. That nylon guitar is a hell of a melodic hook, and Zac's voice is warm and friendly. There is a hell of a lot going on in this song that makes it far more than just another beach song in my book. A (uncensored), A- (censored)

November 21: "Cowboy Casanova" by Carrie Underwood

This one is a hell of an ear-worm. It's a bit grittier than almost anything she'd put out prior, and it pops every time I hear it. The lyrics are somewhat of a sex-flip of Hall & Oates' "Maneater" (to the point that "only come[s] out at night" is in both songs), warning of a male who woos women only to misuse them. Carrie sings with authority, telling the other women to avoid his temptations, because she's come out the wrong end of a relationship with him. It's authoritative country-rock; it's ear candy with a bit more attention to craft than usual; and like so many of her other songs in this stretch, it's aged way better than I remember it being. A-

November 28: "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

This is oddly solemn sounding for a booty call, but maybe that's the trick. These two are miserable and desperate, and it shows in their deliveries -- the way Hillary is always a tad off-pitch, and Charles always a bit stuffy -- combined with the strangely melancholic production against the more upbeat tempo. They could and probably will regret it, but they're both going to let tomorrow-them deal with it. I can see why this song resonated with people, to the point that it long reached saturation for me by 2010. But now that Lady Antebellum's career has cooled off, coming back to this with fresh ears reveals a song that is pretty damn good. Now if only they'd have come up with a different name to change to years later... B+

Every #1 Country Song of the 2000s: 2008

2008

February 2: "Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley

As frustratingly inconsistent as Brad can be -- as seen by my previous reviews -- he is nearly untouchable when he's at his best. And this song is definitely up there. The concept of being able to write a letter to your past self is fascinating on its own merits, especially for someone like me who struggled in their teenage years. But what goes in said letter is where this shines. Individual lines evoke sadness ("go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can"), subversion ("these are nowhere near the best years of your lives"), introspection ("Pain like that is fast and it's rare"), and humor ("When you get a date with Bridget, make sure the tank is full / On second thought, forget it, that one turns out kinda cool"), and it's all wrapped up by a gentle, relaxing, acoustic-driven read. Literally every damn thing works on this song, and its central message of "life may not be perfect, but it'll still get better" is universally relatable. I still tear up a little every time I hear this. A+

March 1: "Cleaning This Gun (Come On In Boy)"

by Rodney Atkins

This is a legitimately funny spin on the "overprotective dad" trope. This guy doesn't remember much from high school except threats from an equally suspicious father figure, who'll be "up all night still cleaning this gun." And now the narrator is in those same shoes, knowing his daughter is going to be with some horny young boy who might take things too far. At no point does it feel like there's any danger of the narrator going postal; after all, he goes out of his way to say nobody will actually get hurt. And as someone who's deathly afraid of guns, the fact that I laughed at the punch line is proof that he got his point across without sounding angry. I think Rodney's rough-edged delivery with a hint of a chuckle to it helps the message go down; it's also way stronger melodically than is the norm for Casey Beathard (who, for the record, does have a knack for good father-centric songs). Why has this guy's discography aged so well? A-

March 15: "All-American Girl" by Carrie Underwood

The father in this song wants a boy he can watch play football, but instead gets a perfect girl -- one who, 18 years later, is dating the high school football star, whose head is no longer in the game because he's in love. It's not really breaking any new ground lyrically, but with a title like that, I'm not expecting it to do so. It does what it does by sounding like something that could have actually happened and never feeling trite. Besides, the detail of his scholarship being on the line is a bit inspired, and the melody's great. It's also got a strong melody with a bit more fiddle than usual, which offers some grounding even after she goes for that high E on the bridge. To use an appropriate football term, this was a great fumble recovery after "So Small." B

March 29: "Small Town Southern Man" by Alan Jackson

Just like the previous song, this one succeeds by being a straight-ahead, no frills story about an everyday American life. Only this time, it's about the narrator's father. It's almost like an expansion of "Home" from much earlier in his career, telling of a hard-working father (his own, obviously) who settled into the "natural way of life, if you're lucky." I also like the actual detail of how Alan was the fifth child after four daughters, raised in a house the father himself built. "He said his greatest contribution is the ones you leave behind" is also a winner of a line. You know the father's going to get old and die, but both the father's and narrator's observations of his high spirits even in his twilight years keep the story moving along. The fact that AJ's voice is a little softer and weaker by this point only emphasizes that world-weariness he sings about, and the production smartly stays out of the way. This song emanates humility and selflessness, two qualities that should appeal to all parents and children alike. A

April 12: "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins

And speaking of positive portrayals of fathers... This one finds the daughter being embarrassed by her dad when being dropped off at school, being visited by him in her apartment in adulthood, and then having an observation on childhood from a plumber in the third. The setup sounds smooth and natural, each time reflecting on the ups and downs of parent-child relationships. As macho as Trace was in this timespan (again, "I Got My Game On"), it was refreshing to see him drop the posturing and go for a calm, introspective bent again. And that line from the plumber when he's being bothered by the children -- "I've got two babies of my own; one's 36, one's 23" -- is a hell of a payoff. No matter how old you are, you're always somebody's "baby." I'm glad his stint on The Celebrity Apprentice gave a signal boost to one of his best songs. A+

May 3: "I Saw God Today" by George Strait

Sometimes it's the small things in life that remind believers of the existence of God. Unlike Lee Ann Womack's awkward "There Is a God" a year later, this one avoids implying that only believers can get cancer cured, or that science goes against God's will or something. The narrative here actually has cohesion, as the guy is taking a break while accompanying his heavily pregnant wife -- only to come back and witness the birth as another example of the Big Man's existence. If it's a predicable payoff, it's one that King George sells with a slightly poppier yet still charismatic read. I may be an atheist, but I believe he saw something that day just because he's so convincing at telling me. A-

May 17: "Just Got Started Lovin' You" by James Otto

How did this guy only have one hit? With a soulful delivery and great groove -- gotta love that Wurlitzer electric piano -- this is one of the coolest sounding songs to have hit the top during this stretch. Everything about it is just so chill yet sensual, never feeling gross or lazy. It hits that "just right" groove that says "sex" without rubbing it in your face. "I'm thankful for the weekend, but two days in Heaven just ain't gonna do" says a lot about how he isn't in it for just a one-night stand. This is someone he loves. Maybe it's not quite as classy or as set on the far future as "I'd Love to Lay You Down," but the fact that I'm able to invoke that song at all is proof that he's doing something right. I'm at a total loss as to why he, of all acts, had to be a one-hit wonder -- because he had the goods to go a lot longer. A

May 31: "I'm Still a Guy" by Brad Paisley

I think this song is one of the reasons I came out as non-binary. I've always had a disdain for conventional gender roles, and I'm willing to poke fun and subvert the hell out of them. But just like other forms of comedy, you need to actually remember to write a joke. And this one starts out as a bunch of played-out "battle of the sexes" lines that were even more stale now than they were back at "I'm Gonna Miss Her." Just like with "Online," I don't actually think Brad is the kind of guy who would un-ironically use the word "sissy" or punch someone for hitting on his wife. And while this could just be a rewrite of Alan Jackson's "Work in Progress," it's the last verse that really rubs me the wrong way. You know, the verse where he calls out men who accept more conventionally feminine roles. Again, I don't think Brad is the kind of person who would have called an effeminate man or a transgender person a slur (even in 2008, when trans awareness wasn't a fraction of what it is now), but just the fact that he thought it was okay to write a line about "men linin' up to get neutered" at all is more than a little bit icky to me. C-

June 21: "Last Name" by Carrie Underwood

I've seen this derided as "Before He Cheats Part II" but I'm not seeing it. If anything, it's Alan Jackson's "I Don't Even Know Your Name" only with the sexes reversed and a more Shania Twain-styled performance. She gets so drunk that she ends up marrying a guy in Vegas without even bothering to find out that much about him. It's kind of gaudy and over-the-top, but damn it, it's fun enough for me not to care. Plus, I like how "I don't even know his last name" becomes "I don't even know my last name" on the final chorus, which is a bit more of a payoff than this kind of song usually gets. Just from "Before He Cheats" to here, you can tell she's gotten a bit better at gruffness, and it works in this song's favor. Songs like this have done wonders to make her feel a lot less like a Stepford wife in my book. B+

June 28: "Better as a Memory" by Kenny Chesney

This song is one mixed metaphor away from greatness. I like the "I can't settle down" narrative here, and unlike most, I don't feel that Kenny overplayed it. And besides, "my only friends are pirates" is a good twist on his usual beach bum formula. This guy knows his restlessness and self-destructive nature are what's keeping him out of the loop, and he expresses it through a mix of colorful ("I move on like a sinner's prayer") and direct ("I don't want to be that mistake"). It never feels like it's pretentiously propping up the vague, superficial, or exceedingly obvious as if they were deep meaningful truths, unlike "Troubadour" or Rodney Crowell's "The Obscenity Prayer." The vibe is low-key, allowing the mixed emotions to shine. Unfortunately, one line trips up this whole song: the one that begins with "goodbyes are like a roulette wheel" and ends with "left holding a losing hand." That's the most blatant mixed metaphor I've seen in a song since Kathy Mattea's "Clown in Your Rodeo." How did a co-writer who's a music critic never catch that? Oh well, it's just one line; everything else here is great. A-

July 12: "Back When I Knew It All"

by Montgomery Gentry

I never got a sense of machismo from most of MG's songs. It's probably because they take time to reflect and poke fun at themselves, as is the case here. "I'm learning so much more than back when I knew it all" is humorous yet introspective, summarizing this look backward at their past cockiness and current maturity. I also love how Eddie and Troy trade off on the verses, making it sound like two buddies bonding over a conversation. Sure, the guitar riff sounds a little close to "Turn! Turn! Turn!" by the Byrds, but that's a good riff worth drawing inspiration from. I liked this song so much that I once wrote an answer song called "I Never Knew It All." So yeah, I get where these guys are coming from, and I'm here to laugh and think along with them. A

July 19: "Home" by Blake Shelton

I admit, I'm not much of a Michael Bublé fan; this is probably the only song of his I ever liked. His version actually cracked the country charts in his native Canada, so it made sense to serve up a cover. This was a weird transitional phase for Blake, shedding the hard country of his early years but not yet shifting into the more formulaic releases of the 2010s. He doesn't reinvent the wheel here, but his warm and slightly gritty voice is a perfect match to this aching lyric about being a traveling musician who misses his lover. It's a theme that fits perfectly into country, and while the arrangement isn't exactly traditional, it's still very charismatic and inviting while also having that yearning sensation that the lyrics call for. Let's just forget the ham-fisted Christmas rewrite existed and take in the goodness of this song, whether in its original or Blake's highly likable cover. A

August 2: "Good Time" by Alan Jackson

AJ tries to evoke the five-minute "extended mix" line dance novelties of the '90s and pulls it off. This one's got an appropriately gangly shuffle guaranteed to fill dance floors. Sure, it's not the most impressive thing lyrically, but I can relate with "I've been workin' all week and I'm tired, and I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna have fun." (That same mentality keeps me up until 3 AM writing reviews of 15-year-old country songs I haven't heard in ages.) There's also a lot of nuance to the production, thanks in no small part to Brent Mason shredding and chicken-picking the hell out of everything, along with some fiddle, harmonica, jaw harp, and even a talk box! Although some AJ songs are bogged down by over-writing, this one never feels over-long, probably because it's just been so long since he hit with an upbeat number and he sounds like he's having so much fun doing so. (I especially like the heavier bass and sound effects of the "Too Hot to Fish" remix, further evoking all the filigree of those "extended mix" versions.) For having no greater ambition than being the next "Boot Scootin' Boogie," I think he actually beat Brooks & Dunn at their own game by being a lot looser. A-

August 16: "All I Want to Do" by Sugarland

Whether or not you like this song may have a lot to do-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh with how much you're willing to put up with Jennifer's extended melisma. My mom hated when Aaron Tippin did that on "My Blue Angel," but she never had a problem with it here. And I don't mind it, either. It's not trying to be anything more than a lighthearted look at just relaxing after household chores and enjoying the company of your partner. Does that sound fluffy? Yeah, but Jennifer's vocal is on point, and I like the production -- mostly just clicking drum sticks and a guitar figure with a lot of suspended chords. For being a low-stakes ear-worm, it's got a bit more texture than you might think, and is all the better for it. B+

August 23: "Should've Said No" by Taylor Swift

I still think Taylor Swift's debut album is her best. It just had the charm of a talented teenager doing something she was passionate about, and showing a wisdom beyond her years. However, I still consider this song the only weak link on it. Her voice sounds even thinner than usual, with odd phrasing on the word "weakness," not to mention lines like "You should've known that word 'bout what you did with her get back to me" that are as clunky as they are grammatically incorrect. While the production is an interesting mix of country and post-grunge (and surprisingly, not a brick-walled mess unlike Nathan Chapman's more contemporary work), the lyrics and tone (especially how she sings the title) are probably the only time I can describe a country song as sounding "bratty." This was the only time on the album that I actually went "yeah, this is totally a teenager" (well, other than the "I'll tell mine you're gay" line in "Picture to Burn"), and while it may have appealed to the iCarly crowd, I don't think it held much merit beyond that. D

September 6: "You Look Good in My Shirt"

by Keith Urban

I'm still a bit bitter that Love, Pain & the Whole Crazy Thing didn't have any #1 singles on it, because I find that stretch to be his strongest (including the stunningly kinetic "Once in a Lifetime," my personal favorite). But I'll accept this as a consolation prize. The image of a woman waking up in her boyfriend's shirt is a well-worn one (pun intended), but it's one worth repeating. And this song keeps it simple by leaving the verses short (why yes, Mark Nesler did write this), and hinting at how early in the relationship it even is for the two of them: "Maybe it's a little too early to know if this is gonna work / But all I know is you're sure lookin' good in my shirt." The song was originally recorded for his Golden Road album in 2002, but this version is superior by having a more charismatic, playful delivery and slightly tighter production. It's cute, charming, and never over-stays its welcome. Seriously, go buy a copy of Greatest Hits: 19 Kids off Amazon or search up the bootleg upload of this on YouTube, because that seems to be the only way to find this verison. A

September 13: "Do You Believe Me Now"

by Jimmy Wayne

Jimmy Wayne is a fascinating person -- a man who has lived through homelessness and a suicide attempt, and who had a lot of journal entries about the same play a role in his early music. But other than "Kerosene Kid," his life never seemed to come off on record. I get on the surface how he wants to play the "I hope my ex is miserable" narrative à la Chris Cagle's "Miss Me Baby," but to say he sounds more like Dan + Shay in fedoras would still be too nice. When he sings "I knew what I was talkin' about...he's the one that's holdin' you, baby; me, I'm missin' you way across town," you expect the line to end with "milady." It's like only he has the right to tell this woman what she can and can't do, because only he can be right in any situation. You can just hear the scumminess in his voice, and even see it in that stupid haircut. The bloated production doesn't help things either, and it gets almost ear-splitting with the wall of guitars on the chorus. If this had a line about how all humans are worthless except for the ones he wants to have sex with, I'd totally believe Onision wrote it. F

September 20: "Waitin' on a Woman" by Brad Paisley

This is yet another case where a sluggish melody drags down an otherwise great song. And it's a shame, because it's one of the only times I've seen "men vs. women" humor played with a sense of self-awareness since The Red Green Show ended. Even in an era where the term "dead mall" was already well-known, the image of a husband waiting for his wife to finish shopping at the mall is relatable. The fact that the old man is amused by his situation shows a degree of sympathy and tolerance that such a setup usually lacks. And it leads to the narrator realizing that he's been doing a lot of "waiting" on his woman, too -- again, without the tiniest bit of cynicism or degradation. I even like the punch line, where he imagines himself up in Heaven waiting for her, which manages to be funny, sweet, and a little sad all at the same time. Given how utterly condescending "Little Moments" was, it's refreshing to see Brad taking a warm and sympathetic tone on similar content. It just could have used a little more seasoning in the melody and production. A-

October 4: "Don't Think I Don't Think About It"

by Darius Rucker

Hootie going country seemed so bizarre, but you listen to "Let Her Cry" and tell me (outside the Michael Stipe name-drop) that's not a country song. This is a little less glossy and free from the "hunger dunger dang" singing, with Darius giving a very charismatic read. That hook is great, and while the rest of the lyrics don't quite measure up -- the shift from "heard you found a real good man and you married him" to "I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind" is particularly jarring -- but the relaxed production and vocals make them seem a lot less stock than they look on paper. While the subtext of this being the first #1 country hit by a Black artist since 1983 is admittedly more fascinating than the song itself, I think it's still an enjoyable enough song on its own merits. B

October 18: "Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven"

by Kenny Chesney feat. the Wailers

I remember some critics back in the day savaging this song for the reggae production, and how mismatched it seemed to the lyric. But I don't see it at all. I haven't heard a song lean that hard into such an influence since, well, "Get into Reggae Cowboy," and the whole concept of relaxing and having fun because "nobody wanna go [to Heaven] now" practically screams "reggae" to me. The song also gets major points for its criticisms of religion. A holier-than-thou preacher tries to nag the narrator into redemption and swindle extra money out of him (instead of coming at him with love and compassion), only to get shot down by the narrator's savage retort. This is probably the sharpest anti-religion country song since "Would Jesus Wear a Rolex." Laid-back, funny, satirical, and distinctly produced all at once, this song finds Kenny laying a whole lot of new ground. A+

November 1: "She Never Cried in Front of Me" by Toby Keith

After a mix of testosterone-fueled swagger ("She's a Hottie"), awkward attempts at sensitivity ("Love Me If You Can"), and outright shitposting (also "She's a Hottie"), Toby Keith is back to one of his formulae that I like the most: the vulnerable male. It's a standard narrative of a man who was too proud and emotionally blind to see he wasn't treating his woman right until he sees her with another man. That "too late" realization is such a staple of country music (e.g., "I See It Now" by Tracy Lawrence), and this one twists the knife a bit further with the line "if she ever did cry for me / They were tears that you can't see." Sometimes emotional damage is harder to read, and I like that this song acknowledges that. You can tell he's torn up about wanting to un-ring that bell, knowing full well he can't. Literally the only thing I can knock this song for is the overly loud production, which sounds like a hair metal ballad and threatens to undercut Toby's consistently strong voice. But other than that, this is a damn good song that I'm surprised didn't stick around longer. A-

November 8: "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood

This one gets full marks out of the gate for its concept alone. After the first half of the decade was swamped with cartoonishly pandering jingoism, we started getting songs about the soldiers themselves and the impact their lives have -- whether they return with PTSD ("I Just Came Back from a War") or don't return at all ("If I Don't Make It Back"). This one twists things even further, starting out sounding like it's about a bride headed to her wedding -- only to drop the revelation that the husband-to-be died in combat. I love the details of her putting a sixpence in her shoe, and the military salute feeling "like a bullet in her heart." It's all clever but never feels manipulative or contrived; this is a story line I can believe actually happened. Carrie's voice is already a lot more nuanced by this point, finding times to restrain herself before amping back up, and the "dreamy" production keeps up with her. That one long "just a dream" drawn out at the end feels a lot less like an "impress the Idol judges" long note and more like a scream of frustration from the woman in the song. Great stuff. A

November 22: "Love Story" by Taylor Swift

Can we please stop using Romeo and Juliet as a metaphor for love, unless the actual interpretation you're going for is "they rushed into things and both paid the price"? To be fair, she tries to balance it out with another reference to The Scarlet Letter, but that only feels even more disjointed. And to be even fairer, I don't think I was that good at literary analysis at age 19; hell, I don't think I'm that good at it now. I do genuinely like the banjo-heavy production mixed with the poppy hook, showing that Taylor was clearly from the Chicks/Shania school of "add pop without subtracting country" at the time. There's really nothing that memorable about the boy-meets-girl narrative, making it feel like a step down from the cleverness of songs such as "Tim McGraw" or "Our Song." Overall, it's not really good or bad, just kind of forgettable. C+

December 6: "Chicken Fried" by Zac Brown Band

Just from the sound alone, I knew these guys had something special. Acoustic and organic at a time when it wasn't popular, and even risking a few stretches of a cappella for good measure, the arrangement alone makes this song. Admittedly, the lyrics aren't much when you actually bother to listen to them -- the chorus is a list of random unconnected things, and the verses touch on Southern stereotypes like sweet tea and America -- but there are flashes of something different here. In particular, I really dig the line "there's no dollar sign on peace of mind." I honestly didn't expect this to be nearly a tenth the hit it was, especially because I was one of the few people not to actually hear the far less remarkable Lost Trailers version before it got pulled from radio. I certainly didn't expect it to be one of the biggest hits of the entire decade (nine times platinum) and the start of an interesting career. It's not a fantastic song, but I'd say the pluses out weigh the minuses here enough for me to say its legacy is at least somewhat justifiable. B

December 20: "Roll with Me" by Montgomery Gentry

Just like "Roll with Me," MG are doing a great job taking stock of their lives. I never had trouble following the hook "maybe it's time to be livin' a rhyme / when I'm singin' a song about nothin' but right," as clunky as it may look typed out. It's nice to hear a lyric about settling down, and how the motivation to do so is the transience of life after witnessing one taken away prematurely -- a lyric that hits all the harder after the death of Troy Gentry. The production is gentle and relaxed, and it's a bit more harmonious than usual thanks to Five for Fighting joining in on the vocals. (And in a way, it does feel like a pleasant complement to his own "100 Years.") And if you want to live your best life, why not have someone to share it with? It's a shame this one (and their career) fizzled out so quickly, because they were really on a roll. A