Showing posts with label Chris Young. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chris Young. Show all posts

Feb 22, 2019

Way More Countrier

A response to the return of "look how country I am" songs, particularly Hardy's "Rednecker" (which I realize may be satire, but still...)

Way More Countrier
©2019 FTM Satire

I see the pissing contest's back
Country this and country that
Well let me tell you something Jack
I'm countrier than y'all
I live where GPS can't track
My daughter's bike has a gun rack
It ain't no rumor, it's a fact...

I'm way more countrier than y'all
So many deer heads you can't see my wall
I own five robes that Ric Flair wore
Drive a truck with a truck painted on the door
Say your neck is red and your jowls are fat
Well I'm way more countrier than that

Everything I kill, I fry it
Hit a possum, yeah I'll try it
You're rednecker? I don't buy it
I'm countrier than y'all
My wife's on a cornbread diet
Named my son after Bray Wyatt
Take a look, you won't deny it

I'm way more countrier than y'all
Can't find my trailer, the weeds are so tall
I sneak a six pack into church
Got a whole room full of Hee Haw merch
You're from the backwoods? I'm further back
Yeah, I'm way more countrier than that

You caught a big bass
Well kiss my ass
I've got a tattoo of Jesus
drinking a Pabst

I'm way more countrier than y'all
So many deer heads you can't see my wall
I own five robes that Ric Flair wore
Drive a truck with a truck painted on the door
Say your neck is red and your jowls are fat
Well I'm way more countrier than that

Oct 26, 2018

3 Up 3 Down: Chris Young, Cody Johnson, Kenny Chesney, etc.

3 Up:

Luke Combs - She Got the Best of Me
Luke Combs is hope for the future on country radio. No, he's no country music savior. Nobody's gonna mistake him for the next Waylon. Still, he's a throwback - even if the era he's a throwback to is the 90s. There's twang, real instruments, and real emotion. "She Got the Best of Me" is a catchy power ballad that'll stick in your head after a few listens. The vocal performance is strong and the lyrics are solid - though one wonders if he's telling the audience they're just getting the leftovers.

Kenny Chesney ft. Mindy Smith - Better Boat
Travis Meadows gets another big single and that's enough reason to root for this song. On top of that, Mindy Smith gets her first top 40 song ever with this release. Kenny's performance lacks the passion of Meadow's lived-in delivery, but there's little to complain about here. It's a thoughtful, restrained song that stands out amongst a sea of same-sounding mid tempo thumpers. 

Cody Johnson - On My Way to You
The Texas darling seems well on his way to national stardom and it's good to see that he hasn't compromised a thing to get there. "On My Way to You" is a more country and more detail-oriented take on Rascal Flatts' "God Blessed the Broken Road." What stands out to me about this song is how there's still a tear in Cody's voice despite the positive subject matter. That's important. Hope this one goes to #1.

3 Down:

Chris Young - Hangin' On
It's depressing to see one of the potentially great voices of this generation wasted on such meh radio fodder as this. "Hangin' On" is like off-brand vanilla ice cream that kinda has that funny taste from being in the freezer too long and has those weird ice crystals in every bite. There's nothing too shameful about the lyrics and there's no hip-hop beat; this song just sucks. Hopefully, the success of Luke Combs and Cody Johnson will inspire Chris to go back to the sound that brought him to the dance.

Dustin Lynch - Good Girl
It's depressing to see one of the potentially pretty good voices of this generation wast… oh, who am I kidding? Yeah, Dustin had a couple of good pop-country songs at first, but this is who he is now: a good looking fake cowboy who sings vapid songs for undiscerning mainstream "country" fans and their boyfriends. There's a lot shameful about the lyrics and there's a hip-hop beat and this song just sucks. I hold out no hope Dustin Lynch will ever put out another song I'm not embarrassed to hear.

Mitchell Tenpenny - Drunk Me
Please don't let this guy happen. Aside from the "Bitches" controversy, I CANNOT FREAKING STAND MITCHELL TENPENNY'S VOICE. He's just terrible to the point that I feel rage welling up in me when I hear it. There is literally not one even microscopic thread of country in this song. It's fake ass watered down white boy R&B with some rock guitars thrown in to make it acceptable to play on the country station. I suppose the chorus is fairly catchy but it doesn't redeem this absolute feckless turd. Could he just go away?

Jun 1, 2018

Family Guy: Country Reaction Gifs

When Farce the Music makes another childish joke

Still more country than Sam Hunt
When your wife wants to watch the CMT Awards

Country record labels be like...

Florida-Georgia Line is working on a new album

Ladies and Gentlemen....

When dad says the family is going to 
see Chris Young and Kane Brown

When she starts listening to Brothers Osborne

♪ ♫ Twice a day I'd mash it down
and you could watch me self-destruct ♪ ♫

Jan 26, 2018

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: January '18

A poop emoji equals a negative rating. A strike-thru poop emoji is a positive rating.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is 7 point increase from November (the last time we did this chart). That's two Poop Ratings in a row that have shown marked improvement. The biggest surprise is that Thomas Rhett's song doesn't suck, but David Lee Murphy's does. The best song is obviously Chris Stapleton's "Broken Halos." The worst is, yet again, Walker Hayes' "You Broke Up With Me."  There are 2 solo females in the top 20 - as there were in November and as there were in August. 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Nov 15, 2017

Country Singer/Professional Wrestler Equivalents 3

Chris Young = Sami Zayn
Talented, likable, turned bad when doing things the right way didn't make him popular.

Sam Hunt = Karl Malone
Tall. Athletic. Not actually a country singer/wrestler, but happy to (poorly) pretend to be for money. Never won a pro sports championship.

Old Dominion = The Spirit Squad
There may be some talent in there, but it's hard to tell. Stupid looking. Creepy as shit.

Rich O'Toole = Zack Ryder
A bro, but a likable one. Self hype-man. Annoying to some, 
but appreciated when he does good work.

Charlie Daniels = Zeb Colter
Old, bearded, southern. Republican. Says crazy shit. 

Dan + Shay = Billy and Chuck
Duo. Somewhat talented, but purists don't like them. 
Are thought by some to be fabulous; not that there's anything wrong with that.

Jun 8, 2017

Big Bang Theory: Country Reaction Gifs

If that girl is a Kane Brown stan

 "Body Like a Back Road" is still the #1 song?

Hey CMT Music Awards...

 Hey, my friend tells me Chris Young has a new song.
I love Chris' neo-traditional sound; gonna check it out!

 Why are you crying over the country charts?

Hey, are you listening to Colter Wall over and over again?

Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart...


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