Farce the Music: Kid Rock

Mar 14, 2025

Newly Discovered STI Named After Kid Rock

The medical community is buzzing, though perhaps with a slight shudder, following the announcement of a newly identified sexually transmitted infection.

Researchers at the Detroit Center for Infectious Disease Control have officially named the affliction "Bawitdarrhea,” after a hit song by the American singer-songwriter, Kid Rock. While details remain scarce and the research is still in its first steps, Dr. Sheila Evergreen, the lead researcher on the project, offered a brief statement.

"The unusual and, frankly, kind of funny nature of this STI's transmission and symptoms led us to consider a namesake that embodied a similar level of… complexity," Dr. Evergreen stated, pausing before continuing. "After much deliberation, 'Bawitdarrhea' seemed the most fitting choice."

The symptoms of Bawitdarrhea are reportedly varied and, in some cases, hilarious. Preliminary findings suggest sufferers may experience any combination of: a shrinking of sexual organs, constant contradictory thoughts, a sudden affinity for cheap beer, itchy facial rashes, and a desire to loudly share opinions that no one else is interested in.

“We don’t know the long-term effects of Bawitdarrhea,” said current US Department of Health and Human Services chief Heather Melanson, who was briefed on the case. “The best course of action is always prevention.” Contacted for comment, a representative for Kid Rock offered a pithy response, “Mr. Richie is actually honored by this news. Catch it to own the libs!”

Further research is planned to fully understand the transmission, symptoms, and potential treatment options for Bawitdarrhea. Early reports suggest the infection began during 2024’s Kid Rock/Jason Aldean outdoor festivals - and may have been spread primarily during drunken sexual trysts in portable johns. In the meantime, medical professionals are advising individuals to practice safe sex and to consult with a doctor if they suspect they may have contracted the infection.

At press time, all port-a-potties for upcoming Kid Rock shows were being fitted with condom dispensers.