Country Twitter Wins: November '23

The Crud Report, November '23, Volume II

The Fall of the House of Usher Country Reaction Gifs

🎶

 Fiddle of gold against your soul 

🎶

The third verse of "The Thunder Rolls"

"Warren Zeiders is nothing like Luke Bryan, you should like him"

Once you go snap beats

Miranda Lambert explaining why she's playing with Aldean and Kid Rock

Debating with a Morgan Wallen fan

🎶

 We been sniffin' that cocaine 

🎶

Maren Morris after reading the comments

When your favorite singer respects cops until they pull him over

When your friend gets drunk and starts doing Shania karaoke

Name a Roy Orbison song

"I'm serious, this new Aldean album is great"

Better Names for the Jason Aldean / Kid Rock Tour

 By Trailer and Jeremy

MABA: Make America Bro Again

Staphcoach

Wallet Chains & Undie Stains

Rock the Smells

Make the N-Word Said Again Tour

The Junk Drawer Tour

Try That in a Stadium

Rock the Country Grammar

Divorced Dads Across America

Lollapaloser

We Rocking With Nelly Cuz He Rocking With Us

FireballFest

Oozefest

Gathering of the Parolees

Bloatella

2013 Foreverfest

Oh No Miranda What Is You Doin’?

Gathering of the Imbeciles

roQ the Country

Gonnorhearoo

Tribal Tats & Flatbill Caps

Lot Lizardpalooza

American Fatass Tour

Bros, Hoes, and Squaretoes

*Douchella already exists

Tuesday Morning Memes: Jason Aldean, Morgan Wallen, Sammy Kershaw

The Crud Report: October '23

Selective Rage

If These Singers Switched Political Parties

Predicting the Track Listing for Oliver Anthony's First Album

Note: This is satire. I personally get a centrist vibe from the song, but I think the "fudge rounds" line was off-putting and distracting.

More Monday Memes: Aldean, 90s Country Dance Remixes, Kid Rock, Willie Nelson

Honest Radio Promo Ad: HARDY

Kid Rock’s White House Burns; Meth Lab Explosion Suspected

Country/rock star Kid Rock’s grandiose White House replica home burned overnight, and fire investigators say it appears to be due a meth lab explosion. Experts say the evidence was so substantial and certain that Rock, real name Bob Richey, was taken into custody on scene.

An inside source spoke to us off the record to share the absurdity of the circumstances. “The yard was just littered with burning cars up on blocks, chickens running for their lives, an outhouse, and a makeshift whiskey still.” said anonymous source Terry Jones, assistant fire investigator of Nashville, “It was the wildest thing I’ve seen since that John Rich fiasco.”

He went on to detail the source of the fire clearly being a corner utility room littered with broken beakers, metal piping, and a somehow unscathed pile of Sudafed. “There was also a half-melted metal door sign that said ‘Meth Lab,’ so we’ve pretty much got him dead to rights,” said Jones. 

Back on record with the chief of police, Brittan Marks, we learned that an uninjured Richey was taken into custody without incident, wearing only a pair of flip flops and a “Hillary Lied” t-shirt. He was processed and bonded out a few hours later. 

“With a net worth in the millions, we’re not sure why Mr. Richey would need to be cooking up meth, you know,” said a bemused Chief Marks, “Maybe he was just trying to live up to his outlaw reputation.”

At press time, Mr. Rock was tweeting and working on plans for his new ten-story ass shaped house on the same hill.

#fakenews #satire