Farce the Music: Reba

Oct 28, 2022

New 90s Country Fans Shocked to Learn About 90s Economy

“Holy sh**!” explained mullet-headed recent 90s country convert Ian Downy. “Gas was $1.50? I knew the 90s was a while ago, but that’s what I thought it cost in the 20s. Can you imagine how much cruising down backroads in a $9000 Ford Ranger cranking Little Texas you could do at that price?”

Downy is not alone in his discovery of that decade’s generally booming economy. With 90s country returning to prominence among younger music fans, a lot of those have fallen down a rabbit hole of despair comparing those times to these.

“You could get a McDonald’s combo for two friggin’ dollars and ninety-nine cents, my brother in Christ,” said a gobsmacked Kaitlyn Mack. “It’s like ten bucks now; I blame whoever is President at this moment.” Mack perused ‘throwback’ photos of 90s prices on Instagram, mouth agape, as she proudly sported her $200 vintage Reba McEntire t-shirt she bought off eBay.

Jason Harkenson, an Uber driver from West Memphis, told us he’d initially gotten really into Patty Loveless and Clint Black before noticing the price on someone’s vintage Alan Jackson concert ticket they’d posted on Reddit. “You could get into a show for $25 back then? That’s what parking is now…” he said, Ricochet blasting in the background. “And then I stupidly kept digging and found out a person making $9 an hour could afford a pretty good apartment back then. What the absolute f**k?? I’ve got two jobs and a roommate.”

Many of the younger 90s country fans who took this depressing journey expressed sadness that they’d gone from digging “Friend in Low Places” and mullets to being despondent about the nineties including both $5/6pk beer and strong economic growth and a steady job market.

“Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then, indeed.” lamented Harkenson.