10. That Babs didn’t use too much seasoning on the boiled chicken at the supper party last night
9. That Dan + Shay didn’t play the CMA’s so they didn’t have to accidentally hear any twang, fiddles, or steel guitars this year
8. That vodka is the same color as water
7. That their neighbors who listened to rap music and grilled on the front porch moved out
6. 20% discounts at the loaded tea place because they forced their son to work there
5. That their name isn’t actually Karen, because that would be too on the nose
4. That both Dan and Shay are happily married; they were concerned they might be gay so they’d have to stop liking them
3. That Jerry got the Christmas bonus early so they can book their 29th Disney vacation for next year
2. That wooden decorative signs with cliches on them are 50% off at Hobby Lobby this week
1. That their husband agreed to stop listening to scary Cody Childers or Waylon Haggard music in the house after the threat of no nookie
