Jan 10, 2020
Jan 2, 2020
I wish I could get rid of snap beats like this
"My friend says country music means the music of America"
When your woman left you, but you can still get drunk and listen to Jones about it
When Ryan Seacrest calls Sam Hunt a country singer to millions of viewers
Luke Bryan says he's either the savior of country or he ruined it. How right is he?
"Will you go see Kane Brown and Chris Lane with me?"
Me, not quite in shape for 2020 concert season
Mitchell Tenpenny sucks!!
Dec 20, 2019
Sitting on Charlie Daniels’ lap and telling him what
you want for Christmas really pisses him off.
According to Santa’s Naughty and Nice List, Jason “Rowdy” Cope
of The Steel Woods isn’t rowdy at all.
Shooter Jennings announced a spring tour and is looking forward to hitting the
road to unwind after another winter of making toys for good boys and girls.
Blind Item: 30-50 feral hogs stole a popular Americana band’s van
and gear trailer in certain southeastern Texas city.
Freezing temps across the country have caused Luke Bryan’s pants to fit better,
but he is now battling chapped lips.
Mitchell Tenpenny is the first artist in a new country sub-genre: Incel Country.
With 2019 coming to an end I decided to check in with Colt Ford and
his resolution to no longer suck. Failing for 50 weeks and counting.
The real issue is that there isn’t a war on “The Christmas Shoes.”
Kane Brown is beter then you’re favorite country sinjer.
~this fact guest-written by a Kane Brown fan.
Florida Georgia Line’s FGL House features a reverse toy drive where employees
go to hospitals and orphanages in Nashville and take take toys from the children.
Thomas Rhett cheerful story blah blah good news happy blah.
Starbucks compensated Jason Isbell for not changing his twitter name to IsBELLS this year by sending him a free nonfat, vanilla, soy latte with espresso shot once a week until March. (<—This fact requires too much referential minutia for the average person to get it, but I left it in so you can make fun of Jeremy for writing it. ~Trailer)
I went to see Luke Combs the other day. He said I needed wipers and a cabin air filter.
Gary Levox had a recent trip to the dentist because he confused
the coal in his stocking for chocolate covered cherries.
Taylor Swift researched her role for Cats by being an actual crazy cat lady.
Most of these by Jeremy Harris - a few by Trailer
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 12, 2019
When I listen to Hank 3
When I find out a DJ is opening the country concert
Do you want to listen to Mitchell Tenpenny's Christmas songs?
"Hey, I've got an extra ticket to the Thomas Rhett sho..."
When I first heard Chris Stapleton
Mainstream country radio be like...
Looking at the country chart... FGL, Rhett, Kane Brown...
♪ Merry Christmas from the family ♪
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 10, 2019
11 Worst Country* Songs of 2019
1. Zac Brown Band - God Given
I somehow left Zac Brown off the original list, and I think that’s a symptom of his irrelevance these days. This is clearly the worst song released under the “country” heading in 2019. This song should be the new “Rick Roll.” What an embarrassment. Lame middle-aged white man rapping and beats and creepiness. Somebody set up an intervention soon.
2. Mitchell Tenpenny - Alcohol You Later
A heaving lump of R&B lite douchebaggery wrapped around a cliché of a hook.
3. Blake Shelton ft/Trace Adkins - Hell Right
Lame bro-country redux from the try-hard stepdad of mainstream country and his drunken uncle.
4. Luke Bryan - Knockin’ Boots
A cheesy come-on with stolen 90s slang. Cringe.
5. Avenue Beat - Delight
If they’re the future, I’m a proud boomer.
6. Florida-Georgia Line - Swerve
Not a single, yet, thankfully. As bad as anything they’ve done before, and that’s of course a deep well.
7. Mitchell Tenpenny ft/Seaforth - Anything She Says
Ugh. Mitchell Tenpenny has usurped Kane Brown as the artist whose voice makes me most quickly change the station.
8. Chris Lane - I Don’t Know About You
I don't know why you're still here.
9. Sam Hunt - Kinfolks
Not nearly as bad as driving the wrong way while drunk, but an affront to the senses to be sure. Please leave again.
10. Dustin Lynch - Ridin’ Roads
Dustin doubles down on his shallowness. His looks and willingness to blend into the sonic wallpaper are his only selling points now.
11. Brantley Gilbert - Fire’t Up
Brantley done fire’t up the wayback machine to 2013. His NFL performance was bad enough to trend on Twitter, and the studio version is only better in the way that getting punched in the stomach is better than getting punched in the face.
*country = released into the country genre
Dec 6, 2019
Nov 21, 2019
If I'm subjected to a Mitchell Tenpenny song long enough to hear his voice
"Y'all mind if I play some Tanya Tucker?"
I told y'all about Scott Borchetta years ago
The unspoken motto of Farce the Music
When Sturgill went from country to hard rock
When you look in the mirror and see an actual angel
If you don't care about the authenticity of music, only the financial gain you can get from it...
When Clairee says Kane Brown is the greatest country singer
Nov 20, 2019
A nondescript male who sings what they call country music these days has announced his first headlining tour. The gentleman, who recently notched his first unmemorable, inoffensive #1 hit at country radio, already has a tour bus with his generally-regarded-as-handsome-self performing, wrapped around its exterior.
Dude’s debut single “Baby, Tonight, Yeah” hit number one on Country Aircheck in July after spending nearly a full year being pimped, prodded, and politicked to that peak. Even though his second single has been lingering in the upper-40s on the charts and not a single person outside maybe 62,000 fangirls could even pick this man out of a lineup of two people, his label thinks it’s time to take the step to playing medium sized clubs and sheds.
Fella just came off another mildly successful tour supporting Cole Russell or Chris Tenpenny or somebody like that who also hit the top spot with their introductory big hit that neither you nor I can recall a mere 6 months after it’s ascension to the position of number one song in all of America.
“I’m just thrilled to get out there and give the fans my best,” beamed Mr. Bro-man. “We’ll play my entire EP and way too many covers and I think it’ll be a great time!” The guy’s management is busy getting all the merch ready - from throw pillows to boy shorts to beer koozies that will be sold in a yard sale next year - and they foresee big business.
“This performer is coming off a hard-lobbied smash and it’s time to strike while at least the population of a small city knows who he is; we all know he may be playing state fairs in no time, so why not squeeze every dollar we can get out of this tall, handsome product?” laughed Jacob Dillerson, the singer’s publicist.
At press time, homeboy’s second single “Girl, My Truck Awaits” had just leapfrogged three well-written, interesting songs from women to climb into the top 40.
Nov 15, 2019
If you buy Jason Aldean's new album on CD, make sure you shine it up real good
What does anyone see in Mitchell Tenpenny?
♫ ♬ You say you were wrong to ever leave me alone
Now you're sorry, you're lonesome and scared... ♫ ♬
If somebody plays Florida-Georgia Line on the bar jukebox
Sam Hunt has a new song
After listening to Thomas Rhett for .02 seconds
Trying to figure out how Dan + Shay is country
When somebody says black people are part of the history of country music*