Showing posts with label Bobby Bones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bobby Bones. Show all posts

Jul 1, 2022

Pop-Country Singer Praying Interviewer Won’t Ask Any Political Questions

A sweat bead forms at the widow’s peak of a famous pop-country singer as he fidgets in his chair. It’s the first in-person interview with someone who isn’t Bobby Bones he’s done in a while. The crooner’s handler politely asked the host to avoid a few potential land mines in the discussion, but the singer sees some shiftiness in the questioner’s eyes. 

He says a quick prayer in his head that there won’t be any questions about abortion, guns, the infield shift, Donald Trump, Morbius, LGBT rights, or any other hot button topics. Amen. 


After a brief warm greeting and small talk, the interview begins. Deep breath. 


“What do you think about the trans…” (OH GOD) “…ition from the party hearty days of bro-country to the more muted sound of your music these days?” he asks. (WHEW!) 


He’s got this one. He can flash those pearly whites and rest his fingers on his scruffy chin and knock that answer out with vague aplomb and goofy charm. No worries so far.


“You once toured with Morgan Wallen as your opener. Care to discuss when he said…” (OH SHIT) “that he considers you a role model and kind of a mentor?” is the follow up question.


The sweat bead has now split the singer’s eyes and rolled to the tip of his nose. He wipes it off with the sleeve of his $95 plain white t-shirt. Softball question, thank God. Media training prepared him for this, how to be humble and full of praise. Oh, and mention how much Morgan Wallen has grown since the incide…. NOOOOOOOO. Don’t even think about opening that door! Just keep it short and graceful.


“Now let’s get a little personal” says the interviewer. “Do you think a woman should have the right to choose…” (OH SHIT OH DAMN OH F@4% HELP ME MARY AND JOSEPH!) “what restaurant you’re going to on a date?” he asks.


There’s an audible massive exhale, like an NFL lineman stood on one of those camping mattresses with the valve open or something. He looks at his watch. 14 minutes and 35 seconds of the allotted 15 have expired. He’s made it. No controversies, no cancellations, no major missteps. He feels his heart rate settle.


“One last question: boxers or briefs….”


Dec 18, 2019

The Office Christmas Country Reaction Gifs

If there was a Whiskey Myers Christmas song
 
A Bobby Bones impression

♫ ♬ ...dancin' over here or fightin' over there
I'm makin' the rounds, looking for a party crowd ♫ ♬

When a Kane Brown fan asks you if impeachment is something about cobbler

♫ ♬ Come on and tell me what you told my friends
If you think you're brave enough
 ♫ ♬


 When you're enjoying a country playlist and a Sam Hunt song pops up

♫ ♬ You know I don't remember a thing
But they say I sure was raising some cane
 ♫ ♬

When you remember Dwight called Willie Nelson an elderly burnout

Jul 29, 2019

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Hardy’s “Rednecker”



First of all, I'm pretty pissed at Trailer for this one. He told me this song was by some new underground country singer, so when I herd it i actually conected to a lot of it. I mean, I really do piss where I want too! [editor’s note: I did not say that]

And then I saw the dudes face and saw he was like Bobby Bonehead's cousin or something. Probably siamese qu... never mind, Trailer told me to take that part out. Anyway, I questioned Trailer about it and he told me this Hardy dude was actually on a major label! Screw you Trailer for making me listen to Mr. Hard On. 



But now that I know this is a hit on pop country radio I dont like it no more, even if it does speak to a lot of american values. If youre on the same station as Puke Bryan, you're not country. Hell, Luke bryan? Never heard of her! That gets me everytime. 



It makes me maddern a ole wet whore to, because this dudes got a good mullet that goes to waist on this trying to be popular and success full. Why would you be a good artist and want more then 4 or 5 people who know bout you?

Listen to reel country like Joe Gussie and the Dirt Pickers and stay away from this crap. Actually, stay away from Joe, otherwise he might sell out if too many people know about him. I'm rednecker than this Handy guy, and that's because i only like real country and don't have a personal stylist.



-Written by the “real” Carl Outlaw

Jul 11, 2019

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 36

If somebody hands me a Dustin Lynch CD

If you're talking to fine upstanding Brantley Gilbert fans...

The 90s country line dancing craze really went too far

When Florida-Georgia Line comes on at the bowling alley

When somebody says Kane Brown is the hottest, best singer in country music

When Larry Hooper gets all hopped up on Mountain Dew

When you're too old for fighting, but somebody makes fun of your Tanya Tucker t-shirt

Hey Bobby Bones!

"Who made you the judge of what's country and what's not?"

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