Showing posts with label Clint Black. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Clint Black. Show all posts

Jun 6, 2023

Elderly Country Songs: 90s Edition

Joe Diffie

Prop Me Up Beside the Juice Bar When I Die

So Help Me Up

Off My Lawn Attitude

B-I-N-G-O


Clint Black

A Good Run of Bad Back

Put Yourself in My Skechers

An Elder Man

The Orthofeet You’re Wearing


Mary Chapin Carpenter

Edentulate Kisses

He Thinks He’ll Bathe Her

I Feel Achy


Marty Stuart

This One’s Gonna Hurt Me

Attempted

Sigh Sigh Sigh


Brooks and Dunn

Rock My World Geriatric Girl

Brand New Teeth

Clarks Scootin’ Boogie

My Next Leakin’ Fart


Feb 10, 2023

Country Radio Celebrates Black History Month by Playing Songs With “Black” in Title

The two major country radio station conglomerates, Cumulus and iHeart, are coming together this month for a common cause. iHeart Assistant VP of Marketing Karen Humes made the announcement yesterday via Instagram that the rivals had launched a Black History Month program to bring awareness to the plights and successes of African Americans.

“In solidarity with all who celebrate and support Black History Month, both Cumulus and iHeart have banded together for a special celebration of “black” this month.” she began. “As such, we plan to add to our playlists, shows, and specials many songs in which the word “black” is in the title.”


Ms. Humes went on to list several of the songs that would find their way across the airwaves this month. They included:

“Long Black Train” Josh Turner

“Two Black Cadillacs” Carrie Underwood

“(The Black Dress Song) Getting You Home” Chris Young

“Black Tears” Florida-Georgia Line

“Blue on Black” 5 Finger Death Punch ft. Brantley Gilbert

“Blacktop Gone” Jason Aldean

“Black” Dierks Bentley

“Where the Blacktop Ends” Keith Urban

“Black Jacket” Tim McGraw


Many of the comments below the post expressed concern that possibly the radio giants may be missing the point of Black History Month. “Couldn’t you just… you know… play some black artists?” asked Barry Summers. “Some of those were never even singles… it’s like you’re going as far out of your way as possible not to play Charley Crockett or Mickey Guyton,” replied Laverne Shirley. “How will a Jason Aldean song make anyone on earth think of Black people? This is sooo stupid.” said Terry Hogan.


While none of those complaints were addressed, Humes did add an additional comment. “No, we will not be playing Clint Black or Blackhawk songs because that’s old people music. Josh Turner is already pushing it.”


At press time, the media giants had also removed Johnny Cash’s “Man in Black” because of its age and also some complaints from listeners that the song was “lib’rul grooming.”



Jan 26, 2023

Abbott Elementary Country Reaction Gifs

Me about to answer "shit" when somebody asks what kind of music Florida-Georgia Line made


"Hey, check out this new Hardy album. Like it?"

Your favorite singer or band announcing a tour

Scrolling through the comments under a Morgan Wallen meme

Telling war stories of listening to 30 seconds of a Walker Hayes song

Y'all okay if we play the pop country station as background music at the luncheon?

Girl, if you think Jason Aldean is one of the greats...

Oct 28, 2022

New 90s Country Fans Shocked to Learn About 90s Economy

“Holy sh**!” explained mullet-headed recent 90s country convert Ian Downy. “Gas was $1.50? I knew the 90s was a while ago, but that’s what I thought it cost in the 20s. Can you imagine how much cruising down backroads in a $9000 Ford Ranger cranking Little Texas you could do at that price?”

Downy is not alone in his discovery of that decade’s generally booming economy. With 90s country returning to prominence among younger music fans, a lot of those have fallen down a rabbit hole of despair comparing those times to these. 


“You could get a McDonald’s combo for two friggin’ dollars and ninety-nine cents, my brother in Christ,” said a gobsmacked Kaitlyn Mack. “It’s like ten bucks now; I blame whoever is President at this moment.” Mack perused ‘throwback’ photos of 90s prices on Instagram, mouth agape, as she proudly sported her $200 vintage Reba McEntire t-shirt she bought off eBay.


Jason Harkenson, an Uber driver from West Memphis, told us he’d initially gotten really into Patty Loveless and Clint Black before noticing the price on someone’s vintage Alan Jackson concert ticket they’d posted on Reddit. “You could get into a show for $25 back then? That’s what parking is now…” he said, Ricochet blasting in the background. “And then I stupidly kept digging and found out a person making $9 an hour could afford a pretty good apartment back then. What the absolute f**k?? I’ve got two jobs and a roommate.”


Many of the younger 90s country fans who took this depressing journey expressed sadness that they’d gone from digging “Friend in Low Places” and mullets to being despondent about the nineties including both $5/6pk beer and strong economic growth and a steady job market. 


“Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then, indeed.” lamented Harkenson.


Sep 1, 2022

Only Murders in the Building Country Reaction Gifs

When given choice of a country song that slaps or a country song that whines

Clint Black?

When you're involved in vertical affection and he says he's gonna put on some Dustin Lynch for mood music

When the SEC has Kane Brown as bumper music despite your requests against it on Twitter

When he's taking you to Applebee's on the first date

When you're touring Garth's house and accidentally end up in the murder basement

Miranda Lambert?

A polite discussion of George Strait's greatness on Twitter

Just listen to 30 seconds of this new Parmalee song and tell me what you think

When you get Garth Brooks' cell #

Jun 30, 2022

What Your Favorite Summer Country Song Says About You



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Dan + Shay “19 + You and Me”
You don’t like country music except Dan + Shay, who are not country. You own 15 personalized tumblers that all smell vaguely of vodka or White Zinfandel. You only have Facebook to post pictures of your 8 yearly vacations.


Alan Jackson “Chattahoochee”

You actually did lose your virginity on a river bank. You like that the mullet came back in fashion. You probably need to start learning about LDL and HDL.


Garth Brooks “That Summer”
You are a horny old widow.


Kid Rock “All Summer Long”

You don’t wash your legs or feet in the shower because “the soap just runs down anyway.” You have some poorly spelled political thoughts you’d like everyone on Facebook to know about. You have a dog named FJB.


Nitty Gritty Dirt Band “Fishin’ in the Dark”

You either think the song is about fishing, or think this is NGDB’s worst song but it’s still the best summer song… there is no in between.


Thomas Rhett “Vacation”

You are theoretical. There is no such person. This song is bad even to people with shitty tastes.


Shooter Jennings “4th of July”

You don’t use the internet. Your work truck smells like Marlboro Reds and pretzels. You hate Democrats, Republicans, and Libertarians equally. 


Deana Carter “Strawberry Wine”

You also lost your virginity on a river bank. You hate that the mullet came back in fashion because it reminds you of your junior year boyfriend who left you for Amanda Sykes. You have kids with a 10 year age gap. You can drink your husband’s friends under the fire pit. 


Clint Black “Summer’s Comin’”

You are a Clint Black stan. You almost drove off the road when they played a Rascal Flatts song on the classic country station. You know what LDL and HDL are. 


FGL “Cruise”

You still have the same truck and the same truck nutz from when this song came out, but there’s a baby seat in the back seat now. You drink exclusively Michelob Ultra. You recently traded in your straight legs for loose fit jeans. 


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