Showing posts with label bro country. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bro country. Show all posts

Sep 15, 2020

Mainstream Country Singer Name Generator



Are you an aspiring country artist with your eyes on mainstream Nashville success? Are you a label who needs to give a more trendy moniker to your tall, handsome, white, male pop country warbler? Do you just want to click the button and see stereotypical bro names that might give you a grin? Whichever reason brings you here, here you go! (Click the link, this stupid generator site still won’t embed)
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Mar 20, 2020

“Country” Singer Not Adjusting Well to Social Distancing in the Country

As nearly all performers are during the coronavirus outbreak, a popular country singer is spending time away from the adoring crowds. Currently holed up at his rural estate which he normally only visits on rare tour breaks, he’s having a difficult time adjusting to the rigors of country living, despite singing about them in most of his songs. We’ll call the singer Chad Bryant for anonymity’s sake.

“It’s great that I finally get to hang out with my wife for more than a day - she seems really nice.” said Bryant, “But everything on the property is torn up, running out, or squeaking, and my staff is self-isolating at their homes, and I don't even know how to use a pork wrench. [sic]” 

Bryant was unable to repair the fence that encloses his three horses, despite singing of fixing fences in two of his hit songs. “I just stacked up a pile of firewood beside where those slats are broken, so Pennywhistle, Drake, and Rainbow Dash can’t get out.” he explained. 

“And the garden looks like crap, but I’m trying,” said Bryant, standing over a dusty mess of vines and swirling flies holding a handful of Miracle Gro spikes. Despite once singing “if the world falls down, I’ve got this patch of ground, with a garden and deer in the fields,” Chad isn’t even sure which growing thingies are weeds and which are green beans. And while it’s not deer season, Bryant said he’ll have a hell of a time without his usual hunting guide and penned up whitetails if this thing lasts very long. 

“At least I’ve got a home gym to keep these abs ripped and this butt tight,” smiled Bryant. “I’m gonna look good for the whole lock-down.” Bryant has no hit songs about doing hack squats.

At press time, Bryant said he was eating a Quest bar and watching a YouTube video trying to figure out how to start his mower, but that “the internet service is spotty out here in the boonies.”

Dec 4, 2019

Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?


Top 10 “Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?”


10. You make me want to roll my windows down


9. A little fruity but she asked if I liked it




7. Sounds like it sucks




5. I can smooth it out, I can slick it up




3. Yeah boy, I’m about to show me a city slicker


2. I kick it with a mule


1. Shimmy up inside

Jul 5, 2019

"Always Stay Sexy, Fireball" A Computer Generated Bro-Country Song



Always Stay Sexy, Fireball

I grew up overshadowed by smelly bonfire
Couldn't catch the eye of no city girl

Here I am devoted to Fireball
How I love the way you look in your pink jeans
Can't believe I let the smog cloud my eye

Where the smelly bonfire stand
And the hot hay surround
I'll ride my horny truck with you by my side

There's a whisper in the pasture breeze
Reminding me of thot
That whisper builds
That whisper cries
Thot in the morning skies

You appear on the horizon
Brushing that wet hair from your eyes

The city folk with their fancy gadgets
Cement bonfire like grey tombs
Don't have nothin' on our way of life
Just listen to the hollering

Don't live your life like a city boy
Today might feel a time to be like a city boy
But that ain't no way to lead a life

You know, there's a lot I drive by in my horny truck
Folk who is messing up
Always stay sexy, Fireball
Always stay sexy

In pasture, when I was a child
I met a sexy man
"How can you be so sexy?" asked I
Here was his wise reply

Don't live your life like a city boy
Today might feel a time to be like a city boy
But that ain't no way to lead a life

Met an old lady who lived like a city boy
"What happened to her?" asked I
Here was his wise reprise

Don't live your life like a city boy
Today might feel a time to be like a city boy
But that ain't no way to lead a life

That lady's gone now
It's sad really
Word is, she had wet hair once

Little Fireball, keep your jeans pink
Always stay sexy, Fireball
Always stay sexy

Hollering, hollering, hollering

Hollering, hollering, hollering...


Nov 2, 2017

Bro-Country Accused of Sexual Harassment

In a stunning and wide-reaching announcement yesterday, hundreds of thousands of young women accused bro-country of sexual harassment. The waning but still popular sub-genre of mainstream country music faces serious charges of using misogynistic language and requesting sexual favors from its female listeners from 2011 through this year. 

"It was a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday," said a shaken Lizzie Harrison. "He told me to get my little fine ass on the step, and that's just not okay." She related to us how she went along with it at the time - pretending to like the song and its implications - but has come to realize bro-country's inappropriateness.

Another accuser, Madison White, said that bro-country announced its intentions to "set her up on the kitchen sink" and "stick the pink umbrella" in her drink. "I know what he was talking about now - I was innocent at the time and I just sang along, but now I see how damaging that sort of language is" she told us.

Other allegations against bro-country include ordering "country girls" to shake their backsides, making constant reference to women's derrieres and legs, and plying young girls with alcohol. The legal implications of this tidal wave of serious assertions is unknown at this time, but we at Farce the Music fully support a swift and punitive outcome.

At press time, one unverified claim had come in from a Sherrie Summers of West Memphis, AR. "Bro-country grabbed my ass" she told us. We'll update this important story as more information comes in.





*I hate small type and shouldn't even have to say this but: This piece is in no way to minimize or make light of sexual harassment. In fact, I feel like some of the language used in bro-country actually does contribute to the degradation of decency and interpersonal relationships in this regard.*


May 31, 2017

A New Summer Smash Hit



Just Like We Did Last Summer
©2017 FTM Satire

Baby here we go again
A summer song for your and your friends
June, July and August heat
It's the same damn song with a different beat
Ice cold beers and happy tears
Cause swimsuit styles show more ass this year
Pour up drinks till the world's a blur
And crank whatever rapper's popular

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Honey, here's where I hip-hop talk
Even though I'm as white as chalk
Let's skinny dip, get a tan
Then dance by some trucks the way you can
If booty's wrong I'm a sinner
So turn it around like a fidget spinner
Auto-tune this familiar line
Pass around a jar of store bought shine

Just like we did last summer
Pickup trucks, Jeeps, and Forerunners
Country boys booming that bass like thunder
If the cops show up it'll be a bummer
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Bridge
This part's where we slow it down and get a little romantic
Girl you save me from myself, moonlight, blah blah enchanted
You be the housewife, I'll be the plumber...

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Apr 27, 2017

The Big Lebowski: Country Reaction Gifs

So what'd you think of my Luke Bryan cover?

 When a pop song hits #1 on the country chart

Did you know Sam Hunt has great love for old country music?

 When somebody says Sturgill is overrated

When Donny's a pop country fan and tries to discuss Waylon

Florida-Georgia Line in 20 years

When Mojo Nixon is going to be hosting 
the awards show you're producing


How bro-country fans picture anybody who doesn't like it

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