Showing posts with label bro country. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bro country. Show all posts

Nov 2, 2017

Bro-Country Accused of Sexual Harassment

In a stunning and wide-reaching announcement yesterday, hundreds of thousands of young women accused bro-country of sexual harassment. The waning but still popular sub-genre of mainstream country music faces serious charges of using misogynistic language and requesting sexual favors from its female listeners from 2011 through this year. 

"It was a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday," said a shaken Lizzie Harrison. "He told me to get my little fine ass on the step, and that's just not okay." She related to us how she went along with it at the time - pretending to like the song and its implications - but has come to realize bro-country's inappropriateness.

Another accuser, Madison White, said that bro-country announced its intentions to "set her up on the kitchen sink" and "stick the pink umbrella" in her drink. "I know what he was talking about now - I was innocent at the time and I just sang along, but now I see how damaging that sort of language is" she told us.

Other allegations against bro-country include ordering "country girls" to shake their backsides, making constant reference to women's derrieres and legs, and plying young girls with alcohol. The legal implications of this tidal wave of serious assertions is unknown at this time, but we at Farce the Music fully support a swift and punitive outcome.

At press time, one unverified claim had come in from a Sherrie Summers of West Memphis, AR. "Bro-country grabbed my ass" she told us. We'll update this important story as more information comes in.

*I hate small type and shouldn't even have to say this but: This piece is in no way to minimize or make light of sexual harassment. In fact, I feel like some of the language used in bro-country actually does contribute to the degradation of decency and interpersonal relationships in this regard.*

May 31, 2017

A New Summer Smash Hit

Just Like We Did Last Summer
©2017 FTM Satire

Baby here we go again
A summer song for your and your friends
June, July and August heat
It's the same damn song with a different beat
Ice cold beers and happy tears
Cause swimsuit styles show more ass this year
Pour up drinks till the world's a blur
And crank whatever rapper's popular

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Honey, here's where I hip-hop talk
Even though I'm as white as chalk
Let's skinny dip, get a tan
Then dance by some trucks the way you can
If booty's wrong I'm a sinner
So turn it around like a fidget spinner
Auto-tune this familiar line
Pass around a jar of store bought shine

Just like we did last summer
Pickup trucks, Jeeps, and Forerunners
Country boys booming that bass like thunder
If the cops show up it'll be a bummer
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

This part's where we slow it down and get a little romantic
Girl you save me from myself, moonlight, blah blah enchanted
You be the housewife, I'll be the plumber...

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Apr 27, 2017

The Big Lebowski: Country Reaction Gifs

So what'd you think of my Luke Bryan cover?

 When a pop song hits #1 on the country chart

Did you know Sam Hunt has great love for old country music?

 When somebody says Sturgill is overrated

When Donny's a pop country fan and tries to discuss Waylon

Florida-Georgia Line in 20 years

When Mojo Nixon is going to be hosting 
the awards show you're producing

How bro-country fans picture anybody who doesn't like it

Mar 30, 2017

The Walking Dead: Country Memes

The Walking Dead season 7 finale is this Sunday.... at the same time as the ACMs and Wrestlemania. Choose wisely. Anyway, here are some new TWD country memes.

Feb 24, 2017

If These Pop Hits Were Bro-Country

Ed Sheeran - Shape of You
Come over in that short skirt and holler at me
Those red cherry lips got me like wow
Take my hand, dance, to Luke Bryan on the jukebox
And then we go to the truck, and now I'm like what what

Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Closer
So, hey girl, pull me closer
In the back seat of my Raptor
Migos rattling my Ford
Tribal tattoo on my shoulder

Migos - Bad and Boujee
Black top, truck stop (truck stop)
Turning in a field where the girls hot (hot hot)
Light up a bonfire, the party hop hop hop (hop)
Pass the Fireball, I want a shot (shot)


Lady Gaga - Million Reasons
Country girl in my Chevy, got one hand on the wheel
If you could see it my way, You'd let me grab a feel
Girl your fresh produce is always in season


The Weeknd - Starboy
I'm tryna get you in the right mood, yep
Riding cleaner than some new boots, yep
Those tan lines and eyes of blue, yep
Got me wanting to go screw, yep


Sam Hunt - Body Like a Back Road 
***no changes***
Got a girl from the south side, got braids in her hair
First time I seen her walk by, man I 'bout fell off my chair
Had to get her number, it took me like six weeks
Now me and her go way back like Cadillac seats

Jan 25, 2017

Tom T. Hall Goes Bro-Country

 I Love
(Parody of Tom T. Hall's "I Love")

I love Powerstrokin' trucks, Swingin' truck nutz
Wearin' camo tanks, and skanks
I love blinding LEDs, wearin' skinny jeans
Calling people gay, Axe spray
And I love big boobs

I love tatted up skin, Instagrammed rear ends
T-shirts of Merle, but not Merle
I love Fireball in a cup, getting turnt up
Miller in a glass, and ass
And I love big boobs

I love making bitches smile, rolling coal for miles
Watching fights on Vine and stuntin'
I love unprotected sex, not sending child support checks
Music when it's Drake and Plies
And I love sweet nudes

Dec 13, 2016

Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans

(I wrote a whole Christmas song parody around @fiveoletsgo 's title.)

Rocking Around in Skinny Jeans
(FTM Lyrical Satirical) 

Rocking around in skinny jeans

at the Christmas party, brah

Some mistletoe hung where chicks can see

It's hanging above my crotch

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Makes the chain on my wallet ring

Later we'll do some body shots

and auto-tuned caroling

You will feel just like a Yuletime baller

When you hear, voices holler

"Let's be merry; Pour me some Goose and cranberry"

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Have a lit ol' holiday

Everyone stumble drunkenly

Round a bonfire of stolen crates

You will feel a little something something

When you see fists are pumping

"Crank some Future; pour a line of Fireball shooters"

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Now it's time to spit some game

Take this ho ho ho dancing merrily

To my jacked up Christmas sleigh


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