Showing posts with label Original Lyrics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Original Lyrics. Show all posts

Feb 22, 2019

Way More Countrier



A response to the return of "look how country I am" songs, particularly Hardy's "Rednecker" (which I realize may be satire, but still...)

Way More Countrier
©2019 FTM Satire

I see the pissing contest's back
Country this and country that
Well let me tell you something Jack
I'm countrier than y'all
I live where GPS can't track
My daughter's bike has a gun rack
It ain't no rumor, it's a fact...

I'm way more countrier than y'all
So many deer heads you can't see my wall
I own five robes that Ric Flair wore
Drive a truck with a truck painted on the door
Say your neck is red and your jowls are fat
Well I'm way more countrier than that

Everything I kill, I fry it
Hit a possum, yeah I'll try it
You're rednecker? I don't buy it
I'm countrier than y'all
My wife's on a cornbread diet
Named my son after Bray Wyatt
Take a look, you won't deny it

I'm way more countrier than y'all
Can't find my trailer, the weeds are so tall
I sneak a six pack into church
Got a whole room full of Hee Haw merch
You're from the backwoods? I'm further back
Yeah, I'm way more countrier than that

Bridge
You caught a big bass
Well kiss my ass
I've got a tattoo of Jesus
drinking a Pabst

I'm way more countrier than y'all
So many deer heads you can't see my wall
I own five robes that Ric Flair wore
Drive a truck with a truck painted on the door
Say your neck is red and your jowls are fat
Well I'm way more countrier than that


Jan 16, 2019

The Next Smash for Jordan Lynch or Mitchell Davis or Whoever


If You Say I'm Not Country
©2019 FTM Lyrical Satirical

I like sugar in my unsweet tea
And my Texas chili full of beans
And I'll be on your ass like jeans
If you say I'm not country

I like to hunt a little snipe
And eat honeysuckle when it's ripe
And mister I might pull a knife
If you say I'm not country

Cause I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff
I'm as country as they come

I love to crank those old outlaw songs
Turn up the Brantley and sing along
I'll throw hands and prove you wrong
If you say I'm not country

Cause I love me a Grizzly pouch
There's red on my neck skin
From working tater fields down south
Where I have definitely been
Shine and biscuits and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I might get rough
I'm as country as they come

Bridge
You can say I use snap beats
You can say I'm auto-tuned
But you can't say I'm not country
Just look at my Aldean tattoo

Yeah I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff

I'm as country as they come


Oct 2, 2018

Americana Man: A Satire Lyric


Americana Man
(©2018 Farce the Music satire)

My patchy beard is finally filling in
Gained a couple pounds, need another ten
Gotta be chubby not quite fat
Buy myself a pork pie hat
Pretty soon it won't look like I'm playing pretend

Sold the F-150 that daddy bought
Quit the mailroom job that mama got
Grabbed a guitar, learned some chords
Wrote a song about the Lord
And twenty more about prisons, farms, and pot

Americana man
Honest and real as you can stand
Ain't got a story but I got a plan
to be
an Americana man

My uncle's cousin knows a producer dude
Produced a few roots rock who's who's
Just need a few more flannel shirts
I'll be so damn real it hurts
Even though I'd rather be Kane Brown or Luke

Americana man
Honest and real as you can stand
No backstory but I got a plan
to be
an Americana man

Bridge
Hire a fiddle
Hire a steel man
Gonna be lit
Hit you in the feels man

Americana man
Honest and real as you can stand
No backstory but I got a plan
to be
an Americana man




Sep 13, 2017

Token Country Song


Token Country Song
©2017 Farce Satire

Hey y'all, do you remember me
I'm a country song, long time no see
It's the only time you'll hear a fiddle play
Rest of the album's hip-hop and pop
Country section's just where I'm stocked
But you best believe, this ain't no mistake

Chorus
This is the token country song
In the middle of an album fourteen tracks long
Y'all say "yeehaw" and stomp your feet along
This is the token country song

Stuck this in for nostalgia's sake
So ironically crank it by the lake
The beat will be back booming soon enough
Here's where I really amp up the twang
Here's where I drop Alan Jackson's name
Even though Lil Uzi is who I really love

(Chorus)

Bridge
Here's a weird drum loop and a rhyme that's fat
So you don't forget that I'm down with that

But
This is the token country song
In the middle of an album fourteen tracks long
Y'all say "hell yeah" and stomp your feet along

This is the token country song

May 31, 2017

A New Summer Smash Hit



Just Like We Did Last Summer
©2017 FTM Satire

Baby here we go again
A summer song for your and your friends
June, July and August heat
It's the same damn song with a different beat
Ice cold beers and happy tears
Cause swimsuit styles show more ass this year
Pour up drinks till the world's a blur
And crank whatever rapper's popular

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Honey, here's where I hip-hop talk
Even though I'm as white as chalk
Let's skinny dip, get a tan
Then dance by some trucks the way you can
If booty's wrong I'm a sinner
So turn it around like a fidget spinner
Auto-tune this familiar line
Pass around a jar of store bought shine

Just like we did last summer
Pickup trucks, Jeeps, and Forerunners
Country boys booming that bass like thunder
If the cops show up it'll be a bummer
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Bridge
This part's where we slow it down and get a little romantic
Girl you save me from myself, moonlight, blah blah enchanted
You be the housewife, I'll be the plumber...

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Mar 3, 2017

Body ON a Back Road






I recently made a meme which joked that Chris Knight's version of Sam Hunt's current single would be a bit more violent. Of course, I've taken that the next step. I wrote a 'parody' of sorts (not the humorous sort), that reenvisions Sam's pop sex song as a Chris Knight murder song.

Body on a Back Road
("Parody" of Sam Hunt's "Body Like a Back Road")

I found him on the south side

With blood in his hair

A cold, dead look in his eyes

Somebody just dropped him there

I know her house number

Down on Silver Creek

Black-eyed girl in a farm shack

Now her outlook ain't so bleak

Body on a back road

How it got there nobody knows

But you won't find anyone who'll miss that man

Somebody might do 30

But she ain't got no worries

Cause now he'll never raise a hand again

The way he'd come home drunk and mean
Beat her with a belt
She hoped and prayed for a way out
Not the hand life dealt
Cuffed in a backseat
for motives there might be
But I know her alibi will come up clean

Body on a back road

How it got there nobody knows

But you won't find anyone who'll miss that man

Somebody might do 30

But she ain't got no worries

Cause now he'll never raise a hand again

Followed him to his deer plot

Where he'd drink after work

Then I put that gun to his face

For all he'd done to hers

Now he's in hell or heaven

Yeah I made sure of that

Left that sumbitch lying there

Wiped the blood off of my badge

Body on a back road

How it got there somebody knows

But why it happened everybody understands

And I know I might do 30

But she don't have to worry

Cause now he'll never raise a hand again

May 26, 2016

Next Big Hit for Cole Lynch or Dustin Brown or Whoever


Forget This Song
©2016 Farce the Music Satires

Hey baby, this song's for you
You might not remember it when it's through
But it's not that bad
There's some fiddle hidden deep
Barely a melody for your mind to keep
But it won't make you sad

Chorus
Forget this song in 3 or 4 minutes
Just tap your cute lil' foot while it's spinnin'
Drive your truck and hunt for bucks
and drink a beer and sing along
Until you forget this song

Cutie girl, crank this one up
Text your friends and fill your cup
With some crappy beer
Might not even make any sense
But it makes dollars in my defense
So be of good cheer

And
Forget this song in 3 or 4 minutes
Just tap your cute lil' foot while it's spinnin'
Cherry lips and country things
Cut off jeans and please don't yawn
Until you forget this song

Bridge
While it's playing it might feel special to you
And it'll go to number one but it's really number two

So, forget this song when I put out another
That one'll be about twistin' the covers
But for now let's party on
and drink a beer and sing along
Until you forget this song
Forget this song

What song?

Jan 22, 2015

FTM Predicts the Lyrics: Luke Bryan - Kick the Dust Up

 
Yesterday, Luke Bryan announced his huge 2015 "Kick the Dust Up" tour. That's presumably the name of the forthcoming first single (or just a cut) off his next album, and it's written by our buddies Dallas Davidson, Ashley Gorley and Chris DeStefano (writers of the all-time classic "That's My Kind of Night"). Here is (are?) FTM's predicted lyrics for that sure-fire hit and bane of our existence for months to come.

Kick the Dust Up
©2015 FTM Satire

This ol' town is so boring and stuff
Nobody likes to get turnt up
To Schmurda and Big Sean
Well I ain't stressin' on what they say
So climb up in my pick-up bae
Let's get our cliché on

Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, move them haunches like a paint mixer
Tearin' up the pasture like a twister
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up

All my bros is blowin' up my phone
Pulling up twisted on Patron
Glad they out that damn town
All them bustahs keep throwin' shade
But I just wanna get laid
So drop them cutoffs down

Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, bounce that thang like a jackhammer
Let's get cray cray, nah I didn't stammer
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up

Bridge
Out here where the moon hangs low
Forget about your troubles
Hangin' with thots and crankin' Coe
Babe I wanna bust yo bubble

Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, twerk that maker like yo name is Miley
Make my emoticon a smiley
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up

Jan 15, 2015

It's Hard Out Here for a Bro


Hard Out Here for a Bro
©2015 FTM Satire

Since the bloggers started killing fun
I can't call girls a hottie
All I can say's she's my favorite one
With a physically fit body
And the label says we drink too much
So turn up Coca Cola
As I drive my eco-friendly truck
Can't tell her to slide it over

It's hard out here for a bro
They won't let me sing about hoes
Can't do the stanky legg on my tailgate
Can only turn the party up about halfway
It's hard out here for a bro

Maddie & Tae have been throwing shade
And old ass singers hatin'
Sayin' all I do is drink and get laid
Well duh, ain't it great man?
But here I am driving legal speeds
With no chains on my wallet
Liberals out here killin' my dreams
Maybe I'll go back to college

It's hard out here for a bro
Tides are turning on Music Row
Can't crack a cold one in my Chevrolet
Can only turn the party up about halfway
It's hard out here for a bro

Bridge
I miss getting turnt
Things are changing so fast
I miss Ed Hardy, I miss swaying ass

It's hard out here for a bro
They won't let me sing about hoes
Can't do the Shmoney dance on my tailgate
Can only turn the party up about halfway
It's hard out here for a bro

Nov 21, 2014

Dumbass Satire


Dumbass Country Song 
©2014 FTM Satires

Babygirl honey are you ready to go
Gotta drive this boner down a gravel road
I'm likin' the way you look in those jeans
Wanna take 'em off and have sex if you know what I mean
But first we'll find a party and get real drunk
Turn up some country but only if it bumps
Me and my bros talking about dumb shit
Might whip out my pecker cause I'm pretty proud of it

Chorus
Let's raise up a glass to being dumbass
Celebrate our stupidity
Don't care about grades, we just like getting laid
Party like we're on CMT
Sloshing red cups and crankin' on up
These trucks that we all drive for free
Our goal in life is blacking out tonight
You know I know we'll always be
Dumbass

Sweetygirl sexy are you ready to go
Tan lines bare feet blah blah let your blonde hair flow
I wanna get inside your lingerie
But not like try it on because that just sounds gay
In the bed, in the creek, maybe on the gate
I'm too drunk to sex anyway, so let's hit second base
And if the blue lights catch us bein' bad
I'll whip out my cellphone and call up my lawyer dad

Yeah, let's raise up a glass to being dumbass
Celebrate our stupidity
Don't care about grades, we just like getting laid
Party like we're on CMT
Sloshing red cups and crankin' on up
These trucks that we all drive for free
Our goal in life is blacking out tonight
You know I know we'll always be
Dumbass

Bridge
Whiskey dashboard moonshine chrome
Yep yep oohhhhhhhhhhh

(Repeat Chorus)

Aug 8, 2014

Lyrical Satirical: Country B**ches



Country B**ches
©2014 FTM Satire

She's a pair of shorts on a pair of legs
Dancing too close to the tailgate edge
She's a blonde haired blue eyed sexy thang
She's a late night text and a backseat bang

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Buyin' us beer on daddy's check
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

She's a big ol' rack in a tiny shirt
Crank some Hank and she can make it twerk
She's tan line teases and licking lips
She's a big ol' booty and a skinny dip

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Buyin' us beer on daddy's check
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

Bridge
She's a baby bump at sweet sixteen
Tenth grader in maternity jeans
She's a late night call saying it's mine
But I'm on to the next country girl in line

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them moneymakers in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Fake phone numbers, names to forget
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

May 13, 2014

I Think I've Heard This Song Before



I Think I've Heard This Song Before
©2014 FTM Satire

This opening riff sounds so familiar
And this beat is kinda deja vu
Here's a line for good times in the pasture
With vocals that are auto-tuned

Chorus
I think I've heard this song before
Let's all party cause thinking's a chore
Country music's stuck in a revolving door
I think I've heard this song before

I predict a fine girl in tight denim
Will put a drink to her cherry lips
A pretty white boy is talking in rhythm
Moonlight, moonshine and mud-grips

I think I've heard this song before
Same cut-offs the girl in the last song wore
Tilt your head back and let the Fireball pour
I think I've heard this song before

Bridge
They say country music's now for the kids
Who never heard these well worn rhymes
But when every song sounds like the last one did
That excuse doesn't hold shine

I think I've heard this song before
Does anybody think for themselves anymore?
Hip hop slang over some power chords
I think I've heard this song before

Just throw your hands in the honkey-flippin' air
Wave 'em all around like a millionaire
Say "hooo"
Say "ho ho"
Ain't no party like the same ol' party cause the same ol' party don't stop

I think I've heard this song before
I don't wanna hear it anymore

Mar 31, 2014

Ain't Much Country (In That Town)




I wrote this lyric 12 years ago (!) but the complaints are still pretty much all the same now. 

Ain't Much Country (In That Town)

I ran off to Nashville with a guitar and a smile
Barlights in my eyes, I planned to pluck around awhile
Folks back home all told me that I had that Nashville sound
But soon as I hit Music Row, to my dismay I found

Ain't much country in that town
Ain’t much heart, it's all been sold
Ain't no cowboys 'neath the hats
And no true stories to be told
It's love songs by the numbers
With no twangin’ hangin’ round
Ol' Hank's left the building
Ain't much country in that town

I played a writer’s night, chose a cheatin’ song or two
A pretty boy pulled me aside, said ‘Boy what’s wrong with you?”
Don’t you know they want to hear the happy side of things
And you might wanna cut that accent next time that you sing

I thought he was kidding, till I checked the radio
All I heard were rock songs with some fiddles played real low
Every song was happy, every singer was in love
And suddenly I realized I wasn’t fake enough

(Repeat Chorus)

I came back from Nashville with a headache and a debt
Feet back on the ground, I left that town with no regret
Folks around all told me I should give it one more try
But I just shook my head and laughed, and gladly told ‘em why

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge
A couple of George’s might drop by
and Alan Jackson still lingers
Takin’ up those token spots
as the last real country singers

(Repeat Chorus)


----------------
Optional last verse:
I came back from Nashville with a habit and a frown
Bottle in my hand, I planned to let it let me down
Folks back home all told me that I had to try again
I’d as soon bash in my head while pissin’ in the wind

‘Cause...
(Chorus)


©2002 Corey Parkman 

Mar 14, 2014

Drop it Like a Tailgate (Girl)



(Drop it Like a) Tailgate
©2014 FTM Satire

Rick Ross on the Fosgates
Raptor rollin' can't be late
Country girl for a hot date
Cut-offs make my heart race
Drive out where the crops grow
Pickups by the dirt rows
Bass kickin' errbody know
She's here to rock the show
(Girl)

Drop it like a tailgate
Shake it like an earthquake
Wiggle like some live bait
Girl

Switch it up crank some Luke Bryan
Honey-thang move that behind
Fireballin' no I don't mind
Gettin' crunk like a combine
Bro mad-doggin' wanna fight
Chill dude, it's a'ight
Get faded on some Bud Light
Let's all have a good night
(And watch her)

Drop it like a tailgate
Stop it like a disk brake
Make a gay dude go straight
Girl

Bridge
Every Friday I do the same
Wife beater and a wallet chain
Fly hotties and spittin' game
I already forgot her name

(but she can)
Drop it like a tailgate
Float it like a snowflake
Curvy as a rat snake
Girl

Yeah,
Drop it like a tailgate
Throw it like a bouquet
Hotter than a burnt steak
Girl

Thanks to @Cati_Jolyn for the cash money hook!

Feb 6, 2014

Lyrical Satirical: Darn Good Time (A Kinder Gentler Bro-country Anthem)




What if bro-country songs were respectful of women, 
responsible with drinking habits and less concerned with outlaw posturing?

Darn Good Time
©2014 FTM Satires

Headed to the party
Driving the speed limit
Hands free callin'
I'll be there in a minute
I'm ready for a drink
My throat's got a tickle
But I wait till I'm safely
Out of the vehicle

Chorus
We're all here to have a darn good time
Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Pass around the good stuff
But only have a couple
Don't want anyone
Getting in any trouble
One fellow's getting angry
He's red-faced and cussin'
Let's try to cool him down
With a friendly discussion

'Cause
We're just here to have a darn good time
Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Bridge
Crank up some Huey Lewis
That's how we like to rock
But if there's any drugs or sex
I'm gonna call the cops

We're all here to have a darn good time
If you're a bit too young, you can have Cheerwine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Dec 20, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: White Trash Wishlist


White Trash Wishlist
©2013 FTM Lyrics

A shortened parole
Mint Grizzly, ten rolls
And a new pair of rebel flag boots
A Skeeter for fishin'
A Brazzers subscription
And the rest of my barbed wire tattoo

This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols

A triplewide home
A truck painted chrome
A deer stand three stories high
A whiskey buzz n'
A frisky cousin
And jeans with a velcro fly

This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find all them
I'm cool with some fake viagra
And a box of cajun Slim Jims

Bridge
I don't mean to sound greedy
Santa, I'm just a good ol' boy
Really ain't nothin' I'm needing
Just a few things I really enjoy

(Like)
A new pair of jorts
A trip to Pigeon Forge
A Boone and Crockett on my wall
A sexy back rub
In a fancy hot tub
Slap full of grain alcohol

Yeah, this here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols

Merry Christmas y'all!


Oct 29, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: I'm So From the Country



A bro-country song as written by someone whose first language is not English.
Why? Because... that's why. And is it any worse than this?


I'm So From the Country
©2013 FTM Satire

She is from the country and she talks as such
She enjoys when I arrive in my large pick-up truck
She is wearing shorts that nearly show her buns
Let us find a deserted lane to have sexual fun

Chorus
Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I love beer that tastes skunky
I'm so country, more than you've seen
Listen to me tell you southern things

Here's a rural field with a group of local friends
Here's the part where I mention her butt again
Here's a large fire burning and strong drink passed around
Let us twerk our bottoms to some Hank and really get down

Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I enjoy my hip-hop funky
I'm so country my drawl has bling
Listen to me tell you southern things

Bridge
We enjoy to party!
We get drunk and take a ride!
Let us get into water naked
And I put my peener inside!

Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I will give your face a punching
I'm so country I enjoy bee stings
Listen to me tell you southern things

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails