Showing posts with label Lyrical Satirical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lyrical Satirical. Show all posts

Feb 22, 2019

Way More Countrier



A response to the return of "look how country I am" songs, particularly Hardy's "Rednecker" (which I realize may be satire, but still...)

Way More Countrier
©2019 FTM Satire

I see the pissing contest's back
Country this and country that
Well let me tell you something Jack
I'm countrier than y'all
I live where GPS can't track
My daughter's bike has a gun rack
It ain't no rumor, it's a fact...

I'm way more countrier than y'all
So many deer heads you can't see my wall
I own five robes that Ric Flair wore
Drive a truck with a truck painted on the door
Say your neck is red and your jowls are fat
Well I'm way more countrier than that

Everything I kill, I fry it
Hit a possum, yeah I'll try it
You're rednecker? I don't buy it
I'm countrier than y'all
My wife's on a cornbread diet
Named my son after Bray Wyatt
Take a look, you won't deny it

I'm way more countrier than y'all
Can't find my trailer, the weeds are so tall
I sneak a six pack into church
Got a whole room full of Hee Haw merch
You're from the backwoods? I'm further back
Yeah, I'm way more countrier than that

Bridge
You caught a big bass
Well kiss my ass
I've got a tattoo of Jesus
drinking a Pabst

I'm way more countrier than y'all
So many deer heads you can't see my wall
I own five robes that Ric Flair wore
Drive a truck with a truck painted on the door
Say your neck is red and your jowls are fat
Well I'm way more countrier than that


Jan 16, 2019

The Next Smash for Jordan Lynch or Mitchell Davis or Whoever


If You Say I'm Not Country
©2019 FTM Lyrical Satirical

I like sugar in my unsweet tea
And my Texas chili full of beans
And I'll be on your ass like jeans
If you say I'm not country

I like to hunt a little snipe
And eat honeysuckle when it's ripe
And mister I might pull a knife
If you say I'm not country

Cause I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff
I'm as country as they come

I love to crank those old outlaw songs
Turn up the Brantley and sing along
I'll throw hands and prove you wrong
If you say I'm not country

Cause I love me a Grizzly pouch
There's red on my neck skin
From working tater fields down south
Where I have definitely been
Shine and biscuits and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I might get rough
I'm as country as they come

Bridge
You can say I use snap beats
You can say I'm auto-tuned
But you can't say I'm not country
Just look at my Aldean tattoo

Yeah I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff

I'm as country as they come


Oct 2, 2018

Americana Man: A Satire Lyric


Americana Man
(©2018 Farce the Music satire)

My patchy beard is finally filling in
Gained a couple pounds, need another ten
Gotta be chubby not quite fat
Buy myself a pork pie hat
Pretty soon it won't look like I'm playing pretend

Sold the F-150 that daddy bought
Quit the mailroom job that mama got
Grabbed a guitar, learned some chords
Wrote a song about the Lord
And twenty more about prisons, farms, and pot

Americana man
Honest and real as you can stand
Ain't got a story but I got a plan
to be
an Americana man

My uncle's cousin knows a producer dude
Produced a few roots rock who's who's
Just need a few more flannel shirts
I'll be so damn real it hurts
Even though I'd rather be Kane Brown or Luke

Americana man
Honest and real as you can stand
No backstory but I got a plan
to be
an Americana man

Bridge
Hire a fiddle
Hire a steel man
Gonna be lit
Hit you in the feels man

Americana man
Honest and real as you can stand
No backstory but I got a plan
to be
an Americana man




Sep 13, 2017

Token Country Song


Token Country Song
©2017 Farce Satire

Hey y'all, do you remember me
I'm a country song, long time no see
It's the only time you'll hear a fiddle play
Rest of the album's hip-hop and pop
Country section's just where I'm stocked
But you best believe, this ain't no mistake

Chorus
This is the token country song
In the middle of an album fourteen tracks long
Y'all say "yeehaw" and stomp your feet along
This is the token country song

Stuck this in for nostalgia's sake
So ironically crank it by the lake
The beat will be back booming soon enough
Here's where I really amp up the twang
Here's where I drop Alan Jackson's name
Even though Lil Uzi is who I really love

(Chorus)

Bridge
Here's a weird drum loop and a rhyme that's fat
So you don't forget that I'm down with that

But
This is the token country song
In the middle of an album fourteen tracks long
Y'all say "hell yeah" and stomp your feet along

This is the token country song

May 31, 2017

A New Summer Smash Hit



Just Like We Did Last Summer
©2017 FTM Satire

Baby here we go again
A summer song for your and your friends
June, July and August heat
It's the same damn song with a different beat
Ice cold beers and happy tears
Cause swimsuit styles show more ass this year
Pour up drinks till the world's a blur
And crank whatever rapper's popular

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Honey, here's where I hip-hop talk
Even though I'm as white as chalk
Let's skinny dip, get a tan
Then dance by some trucks the way you can
If booty's wrong I'm a sinner
So turn it around like a fidget spinner
Auto-tune this familiar line
Pass around a jar of store bought shine

Just like we did last summer
Pickup trucks, Jeeps, and Forerunners
Country boys booming that bass like thunder
If the cops show up it'll be a bummer
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Bridge
This part's where we slow it down and get a little romantic
Girl you save me from myself, moonlight, blah blah enchanted
You be the housewife, I'll be the plumber...

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

May 4, 2017

She Ain't Perfect: A Satire Lyric

A satire of all those "oh my girlfriend is so perfect/she saved me/she's a little crazy but I love her" songs that never seem to stop on country radio.

She Ain't Perfect
©FTM Satire Lyrics

She's got those cut offs on
The ones with the Buffalo stain
My green eyed D-list stripper
Always yelling "make it rain!"
She's got her bare feet propped
On my dash and they don't smell right
Windows down and Migos up
And right now we're in a fight

She ain't perfect but she'll do
And I don't love her
But she doesn't love me too
I ain't worth a damn, it's true
But somehow she's worse
No she ain't perfect but she'll do

She's an ungraceful drunk
Wears a flat brim cap turned back
Bought us some Sam Hunt tickets
And she punched me when I laughed
She lets the curse words fly
And it sounds more sleazy than cute
Anytime we get it on
She won't take off her furry boots

She ain't perfect but she'll do
And I don't love her
But she doesn't love me too
I ain't worth a damn, it's true
But somehow she's worse
No she ain't perfect but she'll do

Bridge
She don't go to church and I won't take her home to mama
We're not even Facebook friends cause I can't take the drama

She ain't perfect but she'll do
And I don't love her
But she doesn't love me too
I ain't worth a damn, it's true
But somehow she's worse
No she ain't perfect but she'll do

Dec 13, 2016

Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans


(I wrote a whole Christmas song parody around @fiveoletsgo 's title.)



Rocking Around in Skinny Jeans
(FTM Lyrical Satirical) 

Rocking around in skinny jeans

at the Christmas party, brah

Some mistletoe hung where chicks can see

It's hanging above my crotch

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Makes the chain on my wallet ring

Later we'll do some body shots

and auto-tuned caroling

You will feel just like a Yuletime baller

When you hear, voices holler

"Let's be merry; Pour me some Goose and cranberry"

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Have a lit ol' holiday

Everyone stumble drunkenly

Round a bonfire of stolen crates

You will feel a little something something

When you see fists are pumping

"Crank some Future; pour a line of Fireball shooters"

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Now it's time to spit some game

Take this ho ho ho dancing merrily

To my jacked up Christmas sleigh

Jun 10, 2016

The Truth About Country Pasture Parties in 2016

 
2016 Country Throwdown
(Drunk People Looking at Their Phones)
©2016 Farce the Music Satires

I've seen all those videos
Booty shaking girls and bros
All dancing around a big ol' bonfire
That's something I would like to see
And Billy Dukes invited me
So I put gravel underneath my tires

Got out past the county line
Dreaming of hotties and shine
Cold ones loaded in a Yeti I just bought
Followed that big cloud of dust
Crossed the ditch and there I was
Ready to throw down and this is what I saw

Chorus
Drunk people looking at their phones
Drunk people looking at their phones
Buncha Country Outfitter clones
One guy cranking a Yeezy song
and drunk people looking at their phones

Girls weren't shaking what they had
Just tapping screens and looking mad
No keg stands, nobody kicking up their boots
Bros weren't fighting, causing scenes
Just sharing "crying Jordan" memes
Shook my head thinkin' "Is this what's it's all come to?"

Drunk people looking at their phones
Drunk people looking at their phones
Circle of trucks with their shining chrome
One guy cranking a 2 Chainz song
and drunk people looking at their phones

Bridge
I need a word with Mr. Luke Bryan
and I guess Florida-Georgia's lyin'
Cause all I see is

Drunk people looking at their phones
Drunk people looking at their phones
No skinny dipping, no punches thrown
Just one guy cranking a Sam Hunt song
and drunk people looking at their phones

May 26, 2016

Next Big Hit for Cole Lynch or Dustin Brown or Whoever


Forget This Song
©2016 Farce the Music Satires

Hey baby, this song's for you
You might not remember it when it's through
But it's not that bad
There's some fiddle hidden deep
Barely a melody for your mind to keep
But it won't make you sad

Chorus
Forget this song in 3 or 4 minutes
Just tap your cute lil' foot while it's spinnin'
Drive your truck and hunt for bucks
and drink a beer and sing along
Until you forget this song

Cutie girl, crank this one up
Text your friends and fill your cup
With some crappy beer
Might not even make any sense
But it makes dollars in my defense
So be of good cheer

And
Forget this song in 3 or 4 minutes
Just tap your cute lil' foot while it's spinnin'
Cherry lips and country things
Cut off jeans and please don't yawn
Until you forget this song

Bridge
While it's playing it might feel special to you
And it'll go to number one but it's really number two

So, forget this song when I put out another
That one'll be about twistin' the covers
But for now let's party on
and drink a beer and sing along
Until you forget this song
Forget this song

What song?

Dec 17, 2015

Country Style!

Law of natural selection at work.

Here's a satirical lyric sent to us by singer/songwriter Jeff Przech. You can almost hear Cole Swindell singing if you just imagine...

And go check out Jeff's music here! His 2015 album Sounds Like Fresh is a catchy mix of Americana, alt-country, and pop rock.

COUNTRY STYLE
(To the tune of… pretty much anything else on country radio….)

Moonlight shines down on the lake and over to the sand
Passes right through these Corona bottles, got one in each hand
I’ll take off my white t-shirt so you can’t see the stain
And if your peach wine cooler tastes like roofies, darlin’, that I can’t explain

There’s a lake right here in front of us, why don’t we jump right in
And I’ll find a place on that bod of yours the mosquitoes haven’t been

Doin’ it Country Style, gettin’ wild, girl you look so fine
Like a breakfast special at the Cracker Barrel for $7.99
Do it Country Style, wet and wild, girl we got it made
And it don’t bother me that you just passed the seventh grade
That’s Country Style

Watch them Daisy Dukes with eyes wide open as they slide down past your knees
See them goosebumps rising on your ass caused by the summer breeze
The wind is warm but the water’s gold, damn that’s just my luck
Now the only nuts you’ll see are the ones that are hanging off my truck

The night is hot and so am I so girl, don’t make me wait
All over you like the Nascar sticker on my Chevrolet tailgate

Gonna do it Country Style, gettin’ wild, girl you look so fine
Like the high school football team I’m gonna touchdown on you tonight
Do it Country Style, wet and wild, girl you make me wanna sing
Have another shot of this Fireball and you won’t feel a thing
That’s Country Style

(90’s Alt Rock Guitar solo)

Got my ball cap pulled down nice and low, think I’ve had enough
I should be at that Florida Georgia line by the time that you wake up
Baby I got your number but don’t be waitin’ for me to call
Three and a half minutes of magic is what you get and that’s all

Do it Country Style, gettin’ wild, girl you look so fine
Don’t you message me if you happen to see those pics I took online
Do it Country Style, wet and wild, girl we got it made
Me and my bros and the redneck hoes throwin’ up some shade
That’s Country Style
That’s Country Style

Jan 15, 2015

It's Hard Out Here for a Bro


Hard Out Here for a Bro
©2015 FTM Satire

Since the bloggers started killing fun
I can't call girls a hottie
All I can say's she's my favorite one
With a physically fit body
And the label says we drink too much
So turn up Coca Cola
As I drive my eco-friendly truck
Can't tell her to slide it over

It's hard out here for a bro
They won't let me sing about hoes
Can't do the stanky legg on my tailgate
Can only turn the party up about halfway
It's hard out here for a bro

Maddie & Tae have been throwing shade
And old ass singers hatin'
Sayin' all I do is drink and get laid
Well duh, ain't it great man?
But here I am driving legal speeds
With no chains on my wallet
Liberals out here killin' my dreams
Maybe I'll go back to college

It's hard out here for a bro
Tides are turning on Music Row
Can't crack a cold one in my Chevrolet
Can only turn the party up about halfway
It's hard out here for a bro

Bridge
I miss getting turnt
Things are changing so fast
I miss Ed Hardy, I miss swaying ass

It's hard out here for a bro
They won't let me sing about hoes
Can't do the Shmoney dance on my tailgate
Can only turn the party up about halfway
It's hard out here for a bro

Nov 21, 2014

Dumbass Satire


Dumbass Country Song 
©2014 FTM Satires

Babygirl honey are you ready to go
Gotta drive this boner down a gravel road
I'm likin' the way you look in those jeans
Wanna take 'em off and have sex if you know what I mean
But first we'll find a party and get real drunk
Turn up some country but only if it bumps
Me and my bros talking about dumb shit
Might whip out my pecker cause I'm pretty proud of it

Chorus
Let's raise up a glass to being dumbass
Celebrate our stupidity
Don't care about grades, we just like getting laid
Party like we're on CMT
Sloshing red cups and crankin' on up
These trucks that we all drive for free
Our goal in life is blacking out tonight
You know I know we'll always be
Dumbass

Sweetygirl sexy are you ready to go
Tan lines bare feet blah blah let your blonde hair flow
I wanna get inside your lingerie
But not like try it on because that just sounds gay
In the bed, in the creek, maybe on the gate
I'm too drunk to sex anyway, so let's hit second base
And if the blue lights catch us bein' bad
I'll whip out my cellphone and call up my lawyer dad

Yeah, let's raise up a glass to being dumbass
Celebrate our stupidity
Don't care about grades, we just like getting laid
Party like we're on CMT
Sloshing red cups and crankin' on up
These trucks that we all drive for free
Our goal in life is blacking out tonight
You know I know we'll always be
Dumbass

Bridge
Whiskey dashboard moonshine chrome
Yep yep oohhhhhhhhhhh

(Repeat Chorus)

Oct 16, 2014

A Self-Aware Bro Country Song


Get Down and Turn Up
(© 2014 FTM Satire)

Hotties with bodies
Shakin' gyratin'
Binge drinking their way through this song
Jager and Jagger
Haggard and swagger
Yeah, I got my signifiers on

Crank up this song about cranking up songs
About parties in trucks while you party in trucks
This next line is dumb but you'll sing along
Yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Get down and turn up
Get down and turn up

Drink and drink faster
Pass out in pastures
Have a great time you underage kids
Paycheck and Jay-Z
Drive while you're tipsy
Instagram so folks know you did

Crank up this song about cranking up songs
About parties in trucks while you party in trucks
This next line is dumb but you'll sing along
Uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh
Get down and turn up
Get down and turn up

Bridge
The bridge is for sexy
So girls drop them panties
This night's so enchanted
Moonlight on your fanny

While you crank up this song about cranking up songs
About parties in trucks while you party in trucks
This next line is filler but you'll sing along
Way oh way oh way oh way oh
Get down and turn up
Get down and turn up

Sep 26, 2014

Barbed Wire Tattoo (A Bro-Country Ballad)


Barbed Wire Tattoo - A Bro-Country Ballad
(©2014 FTM Satire)

I tried to send you a shot of my junk
But I guess you're blocking my cell
Somebody said you're with that new punk
That smart dude what talks real well
I know we broke up a few weeks ago
And I'm not supposed to come near
But I've been circling your block real slow
Cinnamon whiskey mixin' with tears

Chorus
How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this full-size jacked-up truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some college boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

I tried to hook up with your friend Emily
She can really make that thang shake
But every kiss tasted like your memory
So I made her get off my tailgate
I know you said that I'm a real douche
From my chrome to my Axe Body Spray
But the thought of that nerd screwing you
Makes me want to punch him in the face

How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this chromed-out Chevy truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some sissy boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

Bridge
Saw you and him at the stoplight
He was reaching for your hand to hold
Thought about getting out to fight
But I hit the gas and rolled coal

How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this full-size jacked-up truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some college boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

Tag
I tried to send you a shot of my junk

Aug 8, 2014

Lyrical Satirical: Country B**ches



Country B**ches
©2014 FTM Satire

She's a pair of shorts on a pair of legs
Dancing too close to the tailgate edge
She's a blonde haired blue eyed sexy thang
She's a late night text and a backseat bang

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Buyin' us beer on daddy's check
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

She's a big ol' rack in a tiny shirt
Crank some Hank and she can make it twerk
She's tan line teases and licking lips
She's a big ol' booty and a skinny dip

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Buyin' us beer on daddy's check
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

Bridge
She's a baby bump at sweet sixteen
Tenth grader in maternity jeans
She's a late night call saying it's mine
But I'm on to the next country girl in line

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them moneymakers in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Fake phone numbers, names to forget
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

Jun 20, 2014

Wannabe Bro-Country Song



Good Ass Night
©2014 FTM Satires

It's been a bad week
I failed remedial math
My truck nuts broke and 
My Reaper had a flat
At least it's Friday
My luck's gonna switch
Find me a party
And a bad country b**ch

And have a good ass night
Give the bonfire a light
Drink a beer yeah I might
Steal a kiss, have a fight
Son that's right
I'm gonna have a good ass night

I'm buzzed yeah ya heard
When I pull in the spot
Park my shit in the mud
Country swag on lock
Lookin' for a dime
Holla at deez hoes
Crank up some George Strait
Don't really like it tho'

But it's a good ass night
Give the bonfire a light
Drink a beer yeah I might
Steal a kiss, have a fight
Son that's right
I'm gonna have a good ass night

Bridge
Okay I've been lying, that really ain't me
I'm home playing Minecraft on my PS3
Got the radio up
And jealous as f***
Of the fellas in trucks wearing Ed Hardy tees

Havin' a good ass night
Givin' bonfires a light
Drinkin' beer wish I might
Steal a kiss, have a fight
Son that's right
Wish I could have a good ass night

May 13, 2014

I Think I've Heard This Song Before



I Think I've Heard This Song Before
©2014 FTM Satire

This opening riff sounds so familiar
And this beat is kinda deja vu
Here's a line for good times in the pasture
With vocals that are auto-tuned

Chorus
I think I've heard this song before
Let's all party cause thinking's a chore
Country music's stuck in a revolving door
I think I've heard this song before

I predict a fine girl in tight denim
Will put a drink to her cherry lips
A pretty white boy is talking in rhythm
Moonlight, moonshine and mud-grips

I think I've heard this song before
Same cut-offs the girl in the last song wore
Tilt your head back and let the Fireball pour
I think I've heard this song before

Bridge
They say country music's now for the kids
Who never heard these well worn rhymes
But when every song sounds like the last one did
That excuse doesn't hold shine

I think I've heard this song before
Does anybody think for themselves anymore?
Hip hop slang over some power chords
I think I've heard this song before

Just throw your hands in the honkey-flippin' air
Wave 'em all around like a millionaire
Say "hooo"
Say "ho ho"
Ain't no party like the same ol' party cause the same ol' party don't stop

I think I've heard this song before
I don't wanna hear it anymore

Apr 25, 2014

The Bro-mericana Song (Lyrical Satirical)




The Bro-mericana Song
©2014 FTM Satire

Drove my El Camino
Down past the silo
Pulled into the party spot
Cracked a Blue Ribbon
Lit up a Spirit
Asked if anyone had some pot

This is my bro-mericana song
Break out the banjos, break out the bongs
Groom your beard and sing along
This is the bro-mericana song

We talk politics
Crank up some Deer Tick
And take ourselves real serious
The girls are all tattooed
And I defy any dude
To mention one's gluteus

This is my bro-mericana song
Break out the guitars, get our folk on
Groom your beard and sing along
This is the bro-mericana song

Bridge
No flat brims, no jacked trucks
Just pearl snaps and Levi Strauss
Careful where you park your Prius
Nobody here can pull you out

This is my bro-mericana song
Break out the dobro, break out the bongs
Groom your beard and sing along
This is the bro-mericana song

Mar 14, 2014

Drop it Like a Tailgate (Girl)



(Drop it Like a) Tailgate
©2014 FTM Satire

Rick Ross on the Fosgates
Raptor rollin' can't be late
Country girl for a hot date
Cut-offs make my heart race
Drive out where the crops grow
Pickups by the dirt rows
Bass kickin' errbody know
She's here to rock the show
(Girl)

Drop it like a tailgate
Shake it like an earthquake
Wiggle like some live bait
Girl

Switch it up crank some Luke Bryan
Honey-thang move that behind
Fireballin' no I don't mind
Gettin' crunk like a combine
Bro mad-doggin' wanna fight
Chill dude, it's a'ight
Get faded on some Bud Light
Let's all have a good night
(And watch her)

Drop it like a tailgate
Stop it like a disk brake
Make a gay dude go straight
Girl

Bridge
Every Friday I do the same
Wife beater and a wallet chain
Fly hotties and spittin' game
I already forgot her name

(but she can)
Drop it like a tailgate
Float it like a snowflake
Curvy as a rat snake
Girl

Yeah,
Drop it like a tailgate
Throw it like a bouquet
Hotter than a burnt steak
Girl

Thanks to @Cati_Jolyn for the cash money hook!

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