Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts

Dec 19, 2017

If _____ Wrote a Christmas Song 2017


If Walker Hayes wrote a Christmas song

Need some joy in your stockin'? Well baby I gotcha
It's lit and it's bae and I ain't throwing shade
I Snapped you a clue, Word, hit me up too
We gone be totes chillin' this Christmas day



If Future wrote a Christmas song

You know it's enchanting baby, let it snow
Let it snow, let it snow
We here just waiting on santa, girl, so let it snow
Let it snow, let it snow



If Loretta Lynn wrote a Christmas song

Santa came home smelling like peppermint perfume
Lately he's been losing weight, doing Crossfit too
Heard he's got himself a little elf skank round the way
Well, Mrs. Santa's bout to bust that hussy in the face



If Mark Kozelek wrote a Christmas song

I watched a film about Venezuelan crop dusters
Under a chartreuse blanket on my veranda
Pondering what Belinda said last Christmas day



If Colt Ford wrote a Christmas song

Got that icy mud all up on my GMC
Alpines blasting Run DMC
Christmas in Hollis and Christmas in Macon
Woman at the crib got country ham bakin'



If Lemmy wrote a Christmas song

He's got a whip of leather
Skeleton reindeer crew
Snow or sunny weather
He's coming after you

Satan Clause, Satan Clause, 
Watch his black sleigh take flight
Satan Clause, Satan Clause,
Naughty or nice, you'll die tonight


Dec 13, 2016

Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans


(I wrote a whole Christmas song parody around @fiveoletsgo 's title.)



Rocking Around in Skinny Jeans
(FTM Lyrical Satirical) 

Rocking around in skinny jeans

at the Christmas party, brah

Some mistletoe hung where chicks can see

It's hanging above my crotch

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Makes the chain on my wallet ring

Later we'll do some body shots

and auto-tuned caroling

You will feel just like a Yuletime baller

When you hear, voices holler

"Let's be merry; Pour me some Goose and cranberry"

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Have a lit ol' holiday

Everyone stumble drunkenly

Round a bonfire of stolen crates

You will feel a little something something

When you see fists are pumping

"Crank some Future; pour a line of Fireball shooters"

Rocking around in skinny jeans

Now it's time to spit some game

Take this ho ho ho dancing merrily

To my jacked up Christmas sleigh

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