Feb 3, 2020
Aug 30, 2019
The NFL gets rolling soon, so it's fantasy football draft time! Here are some (mostly country) music-related fantasy football team names by me and some of FTM's Twitter pals. Any that aren't credited here were come up with by me or Jeremy Harris. You're welcome to steal them because you probably aren't in the same leagues...
Ever Lovin’ Handoff (Jeremy Harris’ actual team name)
Le’Ve’on the Road Again
Beer, Weed, Pooches
Red Solo Kupp
Gurley Shake it For Me
4th Down Road - Derek Hudgin
Well Well Well My Michel
Between JuJu and Jones
Who Dat Man
Once, Guice, Three Times a Lady
Good Lord Leonard
She Got the Goldmine, I Got First Pick in the Draft - Michael Fenton
Damn Good Feeling to Run These Routes
The Old Jackass Farts
Goodbye Earl Thomas
Kerryon My Wayward Son
To Beat The Devil In The 40
Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong With Antonio
No Place Too Farve
The Devil’s Right Defensive End
Take Mahomes Country Roads - Alex Williams
Odell Watson’s Chicken Shit Touchdown
Luke Bryan Sucks
Cody Jinksonville Jaguars
Have Gun, Will Fumble
Tom (Brady) Waits for an open receiver
First Down (in a 10 Year Town)
It Gets the Ertz at Night
Goff’s Gonna Cut You Down
Bortles All the Way Down - Jay Arnold
Pancho & Leftwich - Jay Arnold
Lady Mayfield - Jay Arnold
Roethlisberger in Paradise - Jay Arnold
Dak That Azz Up
Mahomes in Alabama
Heart of Gould - Nate
Aug 26, 2019
Jul 26, 2019
In his first ever acting role, rapper Lil Nas X is slated to take up the reins country legend George Strait once held in the early 90s cult favorite Pure Country. X, real name Montero Lamar Hill, will play Dusty Chandler, a disillusioned country superstar who walks away from the lights and fame to reclaim his soul, and finds love along the way. Dexter Fletcher (Rocketman) will direct the picture for Warner Brothers and a release is expected in the fall of 2020.
Though some Strait songs will be sampled or updated for the film, most of the music will be co-written and performed by Lil Nas X himself. The viral smash “Old Town Road” will of course be featured, but expect some twists. “We’ve got a ‘Heartland’ remix coming and it gives you the best of both worlds, tying the (2020) version of Pure Country to the original. It’s going to be fire and lit and whatnot.” said the rapper.
A love interest for Dusty has not yet been cast, leaving unanswered a major question that will surely be heavily debated on social media in coming weeks. Lil Nas X recently came out as gay, but it is uncertain at this point how the subject of romance will be handled in the film.
Tyler James Williams (Everybody Hates Chris) will take on the role of Buddy Jackson, a brash young artist who attempts to swindle his way to stardom in Dusty’s absence. Reba McEntire will play Lula Rogers, Chandler’s desperate manager.
At press time, literally every person, brand, and bot discussing the reboot of Pure Country online was outraged for various, conflicting, and frequently incoherent reasons.
Jul 18, 2019
Jul 16, 2019
“Old Town Road (Rerererereremix)”
Lil Nas X
ft. Billy Ray Cyrus, Young Thug, Mason Ramsey,
Kid Rock, Lizzo, Florida-Georgia Line, Bon Iver,
Steve Aoki, Willie Nelson, Wale, Travis Barker,
Kane Brown, City Girls, Future, Ed Sheeran,
David Guetta, Camila Cabello, Meek Mill,
Blanco Brown, Chase Rice, Migos, Saweetie,
Brooks & Dunn, Maren Morris, & Halsey.
Jul 8, 2019
May 23, 2019
Insane Clown Posse plans on releasing their entire catalog as country albums in 2019. There will be no changes or remixing done.
Shooter Jennings recently hit the big 4-0 which is a big deal since he was only 3 feet, 11 inches earlier in the year.
Due to him neglecting it while spending so much time on the road and at the beach, Kenny Chesney’s tractor is no longer considered sexy.
Zac Brown’s new rap song has reportedly coaxed hours of valuable information out of terrorists at Guantanamo Bay.
78% of all blacked out names in the Mueller Report were Steve Earle.
Famed Bigfoot hunter Eric Tipton has decided there isn’t enough challenge in looking for the elusive creature and now devotes his time to searching for women on the country music charts.
Jordan Davis’ beard is kind of like Samson’s hair in that it is hair on the head of someone who doesn’t sing country music.
John Rich was one of the crowd favorites at a recent Nashville songwriting expo after he was a last minute substitution for the scheduled janitor that called in sick.
Americana is sometimes called “country music for liberals” because much like liberalism, it proclaims gender equality but is mostly run by old white dudes.
Constantly posting on Facebook about his weight loss vitamins is why John Anderson is the black sheep of his family.
As a child, Russell Dickerson once got his head stuck in a toilet paper roll.
I have never heard “Old Town Road” and will remove the genitalia of the first person that changes that.
Kane Brown coming on country radio is the equivalent of the auto flushing toilet pulling the paper seat cover down the drain before you are seated.
Most of these are by Jeremy Harris; a few are by Trailer.