Showing posts with label Old Town Road. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Old Town Road. Show all posts

Aug 30, 2019

Country Fantasy Football Team Names 2019


The NFL gets rolling soon, so it's fantasy football draft time! Here are some (mostly country) music-related fantasy football team names by me and some of FTM's Twitter pals. Any that aren't credited here were come up with by me or Jeremy Harris. You're welcome to steal them because you probably aren't in the same leagues...

Ever Lovin’ Handoff (Jeremy Harris’ actual team name)

Le’Ve’on the Road Again

Beer, Weed, Pooches

Red Solo Kupp

Gurley Shake it For Me

Drake Farm

4th Down Road - Derek Hudgin

Well Well Well My Michel

Between JuJu and Jones

Who Dat Man

Once, Guice, Three Times a Lady

Good Lord Leonard

She Got the Goldmine, I Got First Pick in the Draft - Michael Fenton

Damn Good Feeling to Run These Routes

The Old Jackass Farts

Fleaflicker Greenwood 

Goodbye Earl Thomas

Kerryon My Wayward Son

To Beat The Devil In The 40

Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong With Antonio

No Place Too Farve

The Devil’s Right Defensive End

Take Mahomes Country Roads - Alex Williams

Odell Watson’s Chicken Shit Touchdown 

Luke Bryan Sucks

Cody Jinksonville Jaguars 

Trubisky Myers

Have Gun, Will Fumble

Tom (Brady) Waits for an open receiver 

First Down (in a 10 Year Town)

It Gets the Ertz at Night

Goff’s Gonna Cut You Down

Bortles All the Way Down - Jay Arnold
Pancho & Leftwich - Jay Arnold
Lady Mayfield - Jay Arnold
Roethlisberger in Paradise - Jay Arnold

Dak That Azz Up

Mahomes in Alabama

Heart of Gould - Nate

Jul 26, 2019

Lil Nas X Cast as Dusty in Pure Country Reboot

In his first ever acting role, rapper Lil Nas X is slated to take up the reins country legend George Strait once held in the early 90s cult favorite Pure Country. X, real name Montero Lamar Hill, will play Dusty Chandler, a disillusioned country superstar who walks away from the lights and fame to reclaim his soul, and finds love along the way. Dexter Fletcher (Rocketman) will direct the picture for Warner Brothers and a release is expected in the fall of 2020.

Though some Strait songs will be sampled or updated for the film, most of the music will be co-written and performed by Lil Nas X himself. The viral smash “Old Town Road” will of course be featured, but expect some twists. “We’ve got a ‘Heartland’ remix coming and it gives you the best of both worlds, tying the (2020) version of Pure Country to the original. It’s going to be fire and lit and whatnot.” said the rapper. 

A love interest for Dusty has not yet been cast, leaving unanswered a major question that will surely be heavily debated on social media in coming weeks. Lil Nas X recently came out as gay, but it is uncertain at this point how the subject of romance will be handled in the film. 

Tyler James Williams (Everybody Hates Chris) will take on the role of Buddy Jackson, a brash young artist who attempts to swindle his way to stardom in Dusty’s absence. Reba McEntire will play Lula Rogers, Chandler’s desperate manager. 

At press time, literally every person, brand, and bot discussing the reboot of Pure Country online was outraged for various, conflicting, and frequently incoherent reasons.

Jul 16, 2019

Latest Lil Nas X Single Revealed!


“Old Town Road (Rerererereremix)”
Lil Nas X
ft. Billy Ray Cyrus, Young Thug, Mason Ramsey,
Kid Rock, Lizzo, Florida-Georgia Line, Bon Iver,
Steve Aoki, Willie Nelson, Wale, Travis Barker,
Kane Brown, City Girls, Future, Ed Sheeran,
David Guetta, Camila Cabello, Meek Mill,
Blanco Brown, Chase Rice, Migos, Saweetie,
Brooks & Dunn, Maren Morris, & Halsey.

May 23, 2019

Little Known Facts Makes Its Glorious Return



Insane Clown Posse plans on releasing their entire catalog as country albums in 2019. There will be no changes or remixing done.

Shooter Jennings recently hit the big 4-0 which is a big deal since he was only 3 feet, 11 inches earlier in the year.

Due to him neglecting it while spending so much time on the road and at the beach, Kenny Chesney’s tractor is no longer considered sexy.

Zac Brown’s new rap song has reportedly coaxed hours of valuable information out of terrorists at Guantanamo Bay.

78% of all blacked out names in the Mueller Report were Steve Earle.

Famed Bigfoot hunter Eric Tipton has decided there isn’t enough challenge in looking for the elusive creature and now devotes his time to searching for women on the country music charts.

Jordan Davis’ beard is kind of like Samson’s hair in that it is hair on the head of someone who doesn’t sing country music. 

John Rich was one of the crowd favorites at a recent Nashville songwriting expo after he was a last minute substitution for the scheduled janitor that called in sick. 

Americana is sometimes called “country music for liberals” because much like liberalism, it proclaims gender equality but is mostly run by old white dudes. 

Constantly posting on Facebook about his weight loss vitamins is why John Anderson is the black sheep of his family. 

As a child, Russell Dickerson once got his head stuck in a toilet paper roll. 

I have never heard “Old Town Road” and will remove the genitalia of the first person that changes that.

Kane Brown coming on country radio is the equivalent of the auto flushing toilet pulling the paper seat cover down the drain before you are seated.

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Most of these are by Jeremy Harris; a few are by Trailer.

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