Showing posts with label Keith Urban. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Keith Urban. Show all posts

Sep 18, 2019

Pro Wrestler / Country Singer Equivalents 2019

Keith Urban = Dolph Ziggler
Stupid hair. Been around for a long time.
One of the most talented but always seems to let us down.


Dan + Shay = Glacier & Ernest Miller
Uh, there's two of them.
Good at something probably, but not their chosen field.


Kacey Musgraves = Becky Lynch
 Badass. Stands up for women.
The diehards have always loved her, but she
just went big-time in 2018.


George Jones = Jeff Hardy
One of the greats. Known for showing up in bad shape or not at all.
Has had his photo taken in front of a wall at the police station several times.
(Thanks to Cherryll Batty for this idea!)


Morgan Wallen & Hardy = The Godwinns
Nobody can be this redneck in real life.


Zac Brown = Baron Corbin
Dresses stupid. Not much hair.
Pretty talented but so damn annoying that you honestly just want him to go away.


Kane Brown = The Gobbledy Gooker
Hyped heavily. Made a big splash at first, but once everybody found
out he was lame, nobody was interested any more.


Jul 12, 2019

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: July '19

A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.


The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is a 6 point improvement from January (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Eric Church’s “Some of It.”  The worst is Thomas Rhett’s “Look What God Gave Her” (though there is very stiff competition from FGL and Luke Bryan). The biggest surprise for me is that Keith Urban’s current single isn’t too bad. I can’t remember the last time one of his singles wasn’t unlistenable pop dreck. Women are faring a little better on the chart now, but only marginally.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.


May 16, 2019

Why 1989 Was Better Than 2019

Country mullet 1989

Country mullet 2019

Kane 1989

Kane 2019

Fad 1989

Fad 2019

Social media 1989

Social media 2019


Keith Urban 1989

Keith Urban 2019

Country duo 1989

"Country" duo 2019

Lifted truck 1989

Lifted truck 2019

2Pac 1989

2Pac 2019


Dec 18, 2018

10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2018

----------


1. Walker Hayes - 90s Country
Walker seems like a nice guy. He has kind eyes. I don't wanna harp on the guy, but as the youths of 2018 said "this ain't it." Most artists I don't care for show me at least one trait that makes me think they in some way deserve the success they've achieved. With Walker I'm not sure - he's nice? This song isn't nice. It barely qualifies as a song. It's certainly not country and bears no resemblance whatsoever to the 90s country songs it calls out, other than the fact that it uses the same words of the English language. This is bad. Embarrassingly bad. Somebody should hire Walker into marketing or management or artist development or something, because singing/songwriting doesn't seem to be his thing, and he seems like a swell fellow.


2. AJ McLean - Back Porch Bottle Service
Just stop. You're still making plenty off Backstreet Boys tours and their catalog of music, so leave the country music to the …uh, dudes who talk-sing about 'girls' over snap beats? Forget that part. Just know that this is subpar. Extremely subpar.


3. Keith Urban - Gemini
We (those of us who like actual pop-country that has a firm grip on the roots of country) lost Keith a long time ago and he keeps journeying farther into the ether with garbage like this. Stupid ass lyrics, soulless music ...and I'm just done with Nicole Kidman's husband. 


4. Parmalee - Hotdamalama
No trash talking is needed here.


5. Mitchell Tenpenny - Bitches
This guy sucks. I can't stand Kane Brown, but at least Kane's music occasionally puts on some country window dressing. Mitch here is pure pop music, or R&B lite, to be more exact. He sings like John Mayer with strep throat. Oh yeah, and he saw fit to foist a song about 'bitches' into the "country" world. Unfortunately for the world, it looks like 10cent is gonna be here for a while. 


6. Dustin Lynch - Good Girl
If I'm curiously listening to mainstream country radio (which is rare nowadays), as soon as I hear Dustin's voice, I'm out, and this song's the biggest offender. Pointless drivel. Not even gonna get into his missed potential - that's all in the past. Lynch is pop music for teenage girls who change the station from "Mo Bamba" when their dad walks into their room to make sure they're doing homework.


7. Mitchell Tenpenny - Drunk Me
See #5 but this one was a hit single. This guy is the worst.


8. Dylan Scott - Hooked
He might look 39, but he's 29 and despite the fact that he's been trying at country radio for 4 years now, somebody saw fit to vote him one of the New Faces for next year's CRS conference. Nothing to see here. Just cookie cutter BS from a tall dude who gets comments on YouTube like "hes ssooooosssoooo hotttt."


9. Sam Hunt - Downtown's Dead
I don't care for Sam's music, but at least most of his previous songs had something of a catchy melody. This is ear torture. I'd rank it higher (lower?) but it was such a flop, Sam stayed on hiatus. That's a nice silver lining and drops this tune down the rankings. 


10. Uncle Kracker - Floatin'
He's Uncle Kracker.


Dec 7, 2018

What Your Favorite 2018 Album Says About You 2


Post Malone - Beerbongs & Bentleys
You never use the "hard R." Your dad pays for college, but has threatened to cut you off if you come home with a face tattoo.

American Aquarium - Things Change
You haven't written a humorous tweet since November 2016. You drive a Nissan Leaf but keep your hidden away Harley tuned up for when it's okay to have fun again.

Whitey Morgan & the .78s - Hard Times and White Lines
You wear shirts with curse words on them to family reunions. When you type "Luke Bryan, never heard of her" on Facebook, your co-workers in the maintenance department all click "like." 

Brandi Carlile - By the Way, I Forgive You
You picked an apartment to rent based on its walking proximity to a Whole Foods. You have broken up with someone based on their bad recycling habits.

Sleep - The Sciences
You aren't really patient, you just smoke a shit ton of weed. You spend more money on eye drops than you do body wash. 

Ashley Monroe - Sparrow
You are horny like 24/7.

Keith Urban - Graffiti U
You're still living pretty comfortably off the divorce settlement, but you sell LulaRoe and essential oils on Facebook for extra cash.

Ashley McBryde - Girl Going Nowhere
You are a thoughtful and passionate connoisseur of music. You have definitely punched a man in the face before.

Godsmack - When Legends Rise
You didn't know they put out an album in 2018, but it must be the best album of the year because they kick ass man! You have punched a woman before.

Father John Misty - God's Favorite Customer
You have had your feces tested, and no, it does not stink. You won't date a woman who's prettier than you. 


Nov 30, 2018

Spongebob Squarepants Country Reaction Gifs 2

A good way to get your ass beat at a Kevin Fowler show

Country music used to be about rain, now it's about

When a 6'2", handsome, blue-eyed dude who can kinda carry a tune walks into a Nashville record exec's office

♫ ♬ There was always love in daddy's hands ♫ ♬

Me to my wife, after Keith Urban won Entertainer of the Year

I remember the first time I actually listened to "He Stopped Loving Her Today"

When "Take Me Back to Tulsa" comes on...
and you're a bad dancer

Bebe Rexha and Florida-Georgia Line were finally beaten at #1 on the Billboard Hot Country chart ...by Kane Brown

When a Kane Brown ad plays before the video you wanted to watch on YouTube




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