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Dan + Shay “19 + You and Me”
You don’t like country music except Dan + Shay, who are not country. You own 15 personalized tumblers that all smell vaguely of vodka or White Zinfandel. You only have Facebook to post pictures of your 8 yearly vacations.
Alan Jackson “Chattahoochee”
You actually did lose your virginity on a river bank. You like that the mullet came back in fashion. You probably need to start learning about LDL and HDL.
Garth Brooks “That Summer”
You are a horny old widow.
Kid Rock “All Summer Long”
You don’t wash your legs or feet in the shower because “the soap just runs down anyway.” You have some poorly spelled political thoughts you’d like everyone on Facebook to know about. You have a dog named FJB.
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band “Fishin’ in the Dark”
You either think the song is about fishing, or think this is NGDB’s worst song but it’s still the best summer song… there is no in between.
Thomas Rhett “Vacation”
You are theoretical. There is no such person. This song is bad even to people with shitty tastes.
Shooter Jennings “4th of July”
You don’t use the internet. Your work truck smells like Marlboro Reds and pretzels. You hate Democrats, Republicans, and Libertarians equally.
Deana Carter “Strawberry Wine”
You also lost your virginity on a river bank. You hate that the mullet came back in fashion because it reminds you of your junior year boyfriend who left you for Amanda Sykes. You have kids with a 10 year age gap. You can drink your husband’s friends under the fire pit.
Clint Black “Summer’s Comin’”
You are a Clint Black stan. You almost drove off the road when they played a Rascal Flatts song on the classic country station. You know what LDL and HDL are.
FGL “Cruise”
You still have the same truck and the same truck nutz from when this song came out, but there’s a baby seat in the back seat now. You drink exclusively Michelob Ultra. You recently traded in your straight legs for loose fit jeans.
