Better Names for the Jason Aldean / Kid Rock Tour

 By Trailer and Jeremy

MABA: Make America Bro Again

Staphcoach

Wallet Chains & Undie Stains

Rock the Smells

Make the N-Word Said Again Tour

The Junk Drawer Tour

Try That in a Stadium

Rock the Country Grammar

Divorced Dads Across America

Lollapaloser

We Rocking With Nelly Cuz He Rocking With Us

FireballFest

Oozefest

Gathering of the Parolees

Bloatella

2013 Foreverfest

Oh No Miranda What Is You Doin’?

Gathering of the Imbeciles

roQ the Country

Gonnorhearoo

Tribal Tats & Flatbill Caps

Lot Lizardpalooza

American Fatass Tour

Bros, Hoes, and Squaretoes

*Douchella already exists

Bro-Country Birthstones

Country Singers With Questionable Drinking Habits

"Always Stay Sexy, Fireball" A Computer Generated Bro-Country Song

Always Stay Sexy, Fireball

created here

I grew up overshadowed by smelly bonfire

Couldn't catch the eye of no city girl

Here I am devoted to Fireball

How I love the way you look in your pink jeans

Can't believe I let the smog cloud my eye

Where the smelly bonfire stand

And the hot hay surround

I'll ride my horny truck with you by my side

There's a whisper in the pasture breeze

Reminding me of thot

That whisper builds

That whisper cries

Thot in the morning skies

You appear on the horizon

Brushing that wet hair from your eyes

The city folk with their fancy gadgets

Cement bonfire like grey tombs

Don't have nothin' on our way of life

Just listen to the hollering

Don't live your life like a city boy

Today might feel a time to be like a city boy

But that ain't no way to lead a life

You know, there's a lot I drive by in my horny truck

Folk who is messing up

Always stay sexy, Fireball

Always stay sexy

In pasture, when I was a child

I met a sexy man

"How can you be so sexy?" asked I

Here was his wise reply

Don't live your life like a city boy

Today might feel a time to be like a city boy

But that ain't no way to lead a life

Met an old lady who lived like a city boy

"What happened to her?" asked I

Here was his wise reprise

Don't live your life like a city boy

Today might feel a time to be like a city boy

But that ain't no way to lead a life

That lady's gone now

It's sad really

Word is, she had wet hair once

Little Fireball, keep your jeans pink

Always stay sexy, Fireball

Always stay sexy

Hollering, hollering, hollering

Hollering, hollering, hollering...

Ruined Childhood

Honest Country Tweets: Sam Hunt, Kane Brown fans, Fireball, etc.

Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans

(I wrote a whole Christmas song parody around @fiveoletsgo 's title.)

Rocking Around in Skinny Jeans

(FTM Lyrical Satirical) 

Rocking around in skinny jeans


at the Christmas party, brah


Some mistletoe hung where chicks can see


It's hanging above my crotch

Rocking around in skinny jeans


Makes the chain on my wallet ring


Later we'll do some body shots


and auto-tuned caroling

You will feel just like a Yuletime baller


When you hear, voices holler


"Let's be merry; Pour me some Goose and cranberry"

Rocking around in skinny jeans


Have a lit ol' holiday


Everyone stumble drunkenly


Round a bonfire of stolen crates

You will feel a little something something


When you see fists are pumping


"Crank some Future; pour a line of Fireball shooters"

Rocking around in skinny jeans


Now it's time to spit some game


Take this ho ho ho dancing merrily


To my jacked up Christmas sleigh

Coexist? Nah...

Reginald Spears Tweets: Illustrated

Friends in Bro Places

There was talk last week of Garth Brooks re-recording his signature hit "Friends in Low Places" with George Strait, Keith Urban, Jason Aldean, and …Florida-Georgia Line. It looks like that's not going to happen now, due to some legal issues, but we like to think if it had happened, the lyrics would have been updated thusly…

"Friends In Bro Places"
(A parody of "Friends in Low Places")

Blame it all on my squad
We showed up real hard
In wife beaters and gelled up hair
We letting folks know
That we down to throw
If you trippin' son
We ain't fightin' fair
And I got so turnt up
So I raised up my cup
When the DJ played some old Drake
And I grinded you
Baby, that's when I knew
I'd hit dat in my Chevrolet

I got friends in bro places
where the Fireball burns
and the sugar's shakin' like oh yay yay
Yeah drop it that way
Got less friends than I got haters
Cause I wave bills with big faces
Oh, I got friends in bro places

Crank the truck and get gone
Yeah my game so strong
Back roads what we're headed for
Crack a Miller Lite
And we're getting tight
Find a field and it's time to score
Hey girl I don't care
There's folks everywhere
It's just where my homies throw down
Nobody will mind
But if you're a shouter
Then they might gather round

I got friends in bro places
where the Fireball burns
and the sugar's shakin' like oh yay yay
Yeah drop it that way
Got less friends than I got haters
I might be just a little racist
Oh, I got friends in bro places

[3rd Verse:]
We're getting it on
To a Kanye song
Yeah man, you know how I do
When some city boys pull up
They're acting real tough
Mad doggin' while I'm tryna screw
I always mean to cause a big scene
Just wait 'til I'm done with this lass
Then son you can bet
You'll pay back that debt
Cause I'm a whoop your ass

More Examples That Idiocracy is Here

 

Bro Quotes from this article.

Fireballin'

Bro-Country NFL Logos

Country Horror Movie Posters V: The Stuff

Find the Fireball

A fun and challenging maze for fans of bro-country

Bro-Country Books

Barbed Wire Tattoo (A Bro-Country Ballad)

Barbed Wire Tattoo - A Bro-Country Ballad
(©2014 FTM Satire)

I tried to send you a shot of my junk
But I guess you're blocking my cell
Somebody said you're with that new punk
That smart dude what talks real well
I know we broke up a few weeks ago
And I'm not supposed to come near
But I've been circling your block real slow
Cinnamon whiskey mixin' with tears

Chorus
How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this full-size jacked-up truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some college boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

I tried to hook up with your friend Emily
She can really make that thang shake
But every kiss tasted like your memory
So I made her get off my tailgate
I know you said that I'm a real douche
From my chrome to my Axe Body Spray
But the thought of that nerd screwing you
Makes me want to punch him in the face

How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this chromed-out Chevy truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some sissy boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

Bridge
Saw you and him at the stoplight
He was reaching for your hand to hold
Thought about getting out to fight
But I hit the gas and rolled coal

How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this full-size jacked-up truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some college boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

Tag
I tried to send you a shot of my junk

Country TwitterFAIL: May '14