Showing posts with label country music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label country music. Show all posts

Mar 11, 2022

Struggling Country Band Reckons They’ll Just Buy an Electric Van Now

With gas prices hitting an average over $4.25 a gallon nationally, struggling independent country and roots rock band The Whiskey Hawks reckons they’ll just buy an electric van now. 

At the urging of celebrities to “walk, take public transportation, or buy an EV” to defray rising costs, the band figures the latter is the most doable. “We can’t walk to Chattanooga or Asheville, and there’s no public interstate transportation, and Greyhound won’t let us bring the amps and monitors, so I guess we’ll just spring for a $53,000 electric touring van,” says lead singer Aaron Lavox. “No biggie.”


The Whiskey Hawks, who have made a profit of $631.09 doing spotty tours over the last two pandemic stricken years, expect to pool their individual savings, kids’ college accounts, and the tips drummer Gus makes at the BBQ restaurant, and will only have five-thousand or so left to go. They plan to start a Go Fund Me to make up that difference. 


“It’s surely a sound investment; I’m thankful these wealthy famous folks who live in metropolitan areas where it’s easy to walk or take a subway let me know these great tips on saving money!” laughed bassist James Squier. “Don’t get me wrong, we definitely support Ukraine, despite the fact that you sense that we may be being facetious about buying a van, but let me assure you we are not.”


Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has sent oil prices soaring in recent days, never mind that they were already soaring before that. Some analysts remind us that gas prices this high preceded the so-called Great Recession a few years back, but The Whiskey Hawks just laugh off all the doom-saying.


“Shiittt, I can’t wait to plug that bad boy in and drive for three hours then plug that bad boy in then drive for three more hours, then plug that bad boy in, then get to Nashville to play for beer and $500,” smiled guitarist Steve Hobert. “It’s definitely our place to suffer for the government and oil companies’ greed and failure to have the resources and system in place to avoid such economic calamities.”


At press time, the guys were deciding which of them were healthy enough to sell plasma. 


Aug 31, 2016

Why 1987 Was Better Than 2016

ROCK MUSIC IN THE TOP 40, 1987
(REO Speedwagon was there too, but I hesitate to call them rock)
ROCK MUSIC IN THE TOP 40, 2016




REBA'S HAIR 1987
JUST LOOK AT THAT LUXURIOUS REDFRO!
 
REBA'S HAIR 2016
YAWN.



MTV VMAS 1987
This is talent, bro


MTV VMAS 2016



SPORTS SCANDAL 1987


SPORTS SCANDAL 2016 



DISASTER 1987


DISASTER 2016



RAPPER FLIPPING THE BIRD 1987


RAPPER FLIPPING THE BIRD 2016





TOP COUNTRY SONG 2016




TOOL CALENDAR 1987



TOOL CALENDAR 2016



 



MUSIC NEWS 1987

MUSIC NEWS 2016

Jun 4, 2015

Summer Country Music Festival Waiver

Another summer, another spate of bad behavior from summer country concert attendees. To combat the possibility of lawsuits, some promoters have begun forcing ticket buyers to sign liability waivers. Here's a really thorough one for the upcoming Florida Country Superfest.*



*totally not real, but probably should be.

Mar 25, 2015

Best Craigslist Ad EVER

I wish I'd written this. It's an actual Craigslist ad (though clearly with tongue firmly in cheek). Amazing. Brought to my attention by

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