Showing posts with label Moonshine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moonshine. Show all posts

May 13, 2014

I Think I've Heard This Song Before



I Think I've Heard This Song Before
©2014 FTM Satire

This opening riff sounds so familiar
And this beat is kinda deja vu
Here's a line for good times in the pasture
With vocals that are auto-tuned

Chorus
I think I've heard this song before
Let's all party cause thinking's a chore
Country music's stuck in a revolving door
I think I've heard this song before

I predict a fine girl in tight denim
Will put a drink to her cherry lips
A pretty white boy is talking in rhythm
Moonlight, moonshine and mud-grips

I think I've heard this song before
Same cut-offs the girl in the last song wore
Tilt your head back and let the Fireball pour
I think I've heard this song before

Bridge
They say country music's now for the kids
Who never heard these well worn rhymes
But when every song sounds like the last one did
That excuse doesn't hold shine

I think I've heard this song before
Does anybody think for themselves anymore?
Hip hop slang over some power chords
I think I've heard this song before

Just throw your hands in the honkey-flippin' air
Wave 'em all around like a millionaire
Say "hooo"
Say "ho ho"
Ain't no party like the same ol' party cause the same ol' party don't stop

I think I've heard this song before
I don't wanna hear it anymore

Mar 18, 2014

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Big Hits



FTM ponders what these famous rock, R&B, rap and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...



Pearl Jam - Even Flow
Gravel road, trucks arrive tires oversized
Oh, bring some hoes, who can make the sugar shake
Better yet, we'll have Miller Lite again
Lite again, Lite again...



Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
The first time ever I saw dat ass
I felt my skinny jeans start to rise
And the moon and the stars over my tailgate
Got to watch me get in them thighs



Merle Haggard - Fightin' Side of Me
If you gone mad-dog, step up:
Let these brass knucks be a warnin'.
If you're cock-blockin' on hotties, son,
You bout to meet the fightin' side of me.



Carl Perkins (Elvis Presley) - Blue Suede Shoes
Well, it's one for the honeys,
Two for the shine,
Three for my Chevy,
Past the county line.
But don't you step on my square-toed boots.
You can do anything but lay off of my square-toed boots.



Jay-Z - 99 Problems
99 problems but a hitch ain't one
If you need to pull a trailer, get a Smittybilt son
I got 99 problems but a hitch ain't one
Hit me

Mar 13, 2014

Nov 6, 2013

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Classics


FTM ponders what these classic rock, R&B and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...


Heartbreaker (Led Zeppelin)

Shake so good got me in a bind, tripping on wallet chains
You're fillin' that bikini top, glistening by the fire
Sugar shaker, your tan lines glow, come take your Levi's off
Love that moneymaker



American Pie

So hey girl, Miss American Pie
Drove my Raptor to the pasture, drinkin' cherry moonshine
And us good old boys were crankin' Jay-Z on up
Singing this'll be the night I get some, this'll be the night I get some



He Stopped Loving Her Today

She stopped shakin' it today
He took her pic off his dashboard
And soon he'll wreck his Chevrolet
She stopped shakin' it today



When Doves Cry

Touch if you will my tattoo
Sweet-ass new tribal design
You've got the watermelon lipstick
Don't make me beg you
Country boys got pride



Hey Jude

Hey Chad, don't spill my beer
Crank a Hank song just like a baller
Remember to find a chick at the bar
Then you can start to give a holler


Thunder Road

And the truck door slams, Mary's sundress sways
Like a vision, she scoots across that bench seat
As the radio plays, Toby Keith singing "Who's Your Daddy"
Hey let me rub on your big fatty

Jul 24, 2013

New in the FTM Store: Country Songwriter Tailgate Magnets

You know those fridge poetry magnets? Well, these are for tailgates... because where else would a current hit-making country songwriter craft a song? Get your ball-capped buddies together and whip up a new summer anthem in no time with these new Country Songwriter Tailgate Poetry Magnets! All magnets not pictured. Only $9.99 in the FTM Store now!* Ships in 6 to infinite days!



*FTM Store exists, but there are no magnets.

May 22, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: This Song is for Summer



This Song Is For Summer
©2013 FTM Satire

Aw hell yeah it's summer again
Time to drop a tailgate with your redneck friends
Text up some honeys in cut off jeans
Sugar shaker, donkadonk, know what I mean?
Crank some Lil Wayne in a country mood
Pass around some moonshine we bought at Whole Foods
Let's get rowdy like Hank would do
Hey, check out my new Duck Dynasty tattoo

Chorus
This song is for summer, y'all
Those three months after spring and just before fall
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer


Yeehaw boys, yeah I got some swag
Got a Mud Life sticker and truck nutz that drag
Old farts hatin' cause I drop some rhymes
But that's how we do country in the summertime
Shotgun, old truck, some other cliche
Gather round the fire and I'll sing you some Kanye
Feet on the dash, let the night commence
Who cares if this tune doesn't make any sense?

This song is for summer, y'all
Those three months after spring and just before fall
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Bridge (spoken)
And now a word from our sponsor:
It's hot out there while you're partying with your homeyz
Try something a little different!
Bud Light Lime.
It's Bud Light, with a twist!

Back to this song for summer, son
Put it out in March so it's a June number one
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

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