Dec 14, 2018
Jul 7, 2014
(This isn't a political statement so much as one about prideful stupidity.
I'm actually pretty conservative, but I'd like to disassociate myself from bro-countriers,
people who carry large assault weapons into grocery stores, and coal rollers entirely.)
Mar 18, 2014
FTM ponders what these famous rock, R&B, rap and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...
Pearl Jam - Even Flow
Gravel road, trucks arrive tires oversized
Oh, bring some hoes, who can make the sugar shake
Better yet, we'll have Miller Lite again
Lite again, Lite again...
Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
The first time ever I saw dat ass
I felt my skinny jeans start to rise
And the moon and the stars over my tailgate
Got to watch me get in them thighs
Merle Haggard - Fightin' Side of Me
If you gone mad-dog, step up:
Let these brass knucks be a warnin'.
If you're cock-blockin' on hotties, son,
You bout to meet the fightin' side of me.
Carl Perkins (Elvis Presley) - Blue Suede Shoes
Well, it's one for the honeys,
Two for the shine,
Three for my Chevy,
Past the county line.
But don't you step on my square-toed boots.
You can do anything but lay off of my square-toed boots.
Jay-Z - 99 Problems
99 problems but a hitch ain't one
If you need to pull a trailer, get a Smittybilt son
I got 99 problems but a hitch ain't one
Jan 23, 2014
Jan 13, 2014
Nov 6, 2013
FTM ponders what these classic rock, R&B and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...
Heartbreaker (Led Zeppelin)
Shake so good got me in a bind, tripping on wallet chains
You're fillin' that bikini top, glistening by the fire
Sugar shaker, your tan lines glow, come take your Levi's off
Love that moneymaker
So hey girl, Miss American Pie
Drove my Raptor to the pasture, drinkin' cherry moonshine
And us good old boys were crankin' Jay-Z on up
Singing this'll be the night I get some, this'll be the night I get some
He Stopped Loving Her Today
She stopped shakin' it today
He took her pic off his dashboard
And soon he'll wreck his Chevrolet
She stopped shakin' it today
When Doves Cry
Touch if you will my tattoo
Sweet-ass new tribal design
You've got the watermelon lipstick
Don't make me beg you
Country boys got pride
Hey Chad, don't spill my beer
Crank a Hank song just like a baller
Remember to find a chick at the bar
Then you can start to give a holler
And the truck door slams, Mary's sundress sways
Like a vision, she scoots across that bench seat
As the radio plays, Toby Keith singing "Who's Your Daddy"
Hey let me rub on your big fatty
Jun 13, 2013
May 28, 2013
Mar 22, 2013
Mar 14, 2013
Dec 19, 2012
10. Butt-Chugging Eggnog
09. (There's No Place Like) Walmart for the Holidays
08. Hark the Tattooed Douchebags Sing
07. Christmas at the Romneys
06. It's the Most Communicable Time of the Year
05. Jodido Navidad
04. All I Got for Christmas is Prison Rape
03. Away in Benghazi
02. Colt Ford is Coming to Town
01. Sleigh Ride (Off the Fiscal Cliff)