Showing posts with label Douchebags. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Douchebags. Show all posts

Jul 7, 2014

I Bet U Caint Even Bate a Huk



(This isn't a political statement so much as one about prideful stupidity. 
I'm actually pretty conservative, but I'd like to disassociate myself from bro-countriers,
people who carry large assault weapons into grocery stores, and coal rollers entirely.)

Mar 18, 2014

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Big Hits



FTM ponders what these famous rock, R&B, rap and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...



Pearl Jam - Even Flow
Gravel road, trucks arrive tires oversized
Oh, bring some hoes, who can make the sugar shake
Better yet, we'll have Miller Lite again
Lite again, Lite again...



Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
The first time ever I saw dat ass
I felt my skinny jeans start to rise
And the moon and the stars over my tailgate
Got to watch me get in them thighs



Merle Haggard - Fightin' Side of Me
If you gone mad-dog, step up:
Let these brass knucks be a warnin'.
If you're cock-blockin' on hotties, son,
You bout to meet the fightin' side of me.



Carl Perkins (Elvis Presley) - Blue Suede Shoes
Well, it's one for the honeys,
Two for the shine,
Three for my Chevy,
Past the county line.
But don't you step on my square-toed boots.
You can do anything but lay off of my square-toed boots.



Jay-Z - 99 Problems
99 problems but a hitch ain't one
If you need to pull a trailer, get a Smittybilt son
I got 99 problems but a hitch ain't one
Hit me

Nov 6, 2013

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Classics


FTM ponders what these classic rock, R&B and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...


Heartbreaker (Led Zeppelin)

Shake so good got me in a bind, tripping on wallet chains
You're fillin' that bikini top, glistening by the fire
Sugar shaker, your tan lines glow, come take your Levi's off
Love that moneymaker



American Pie

So hey girl, Miss American Pie
Drove my Raptor to the pasture, drinkin' cherry moonshine
And us good old boys were crankin' Jay-Z on up
Singing this'll be the night I get some, this'll be the night I get some



He Stopped Loving Her Today

She stopped shakin' it today
He took her pic off his dashboard
And soon he'll wreck his Chevrolet
She stopped shakin' it today



When Doves Cry

Touch if you will my tattoo
Sweet-ass new tribal design
You've got the watermelon lipstick
Don't make me beg you
Country boys got pride



Hey Jude

Hey Chad, don't spill my beer
Crank a Hank song just like a baller
Remember to find a chick at the bar
Then you can start to give a holler


Thunder Road

And the truck door slams, Mary's sundress sways
Like a vision, she scoots across that bench seat
As the radio plays, Toby Keith singing "Who's Your Daddy"
Hey let me rub on your big fatty

May 28, 2013

Intentional Douchebag



Check out this hilarious (FTM inspired?) song by Will Bouldin (@wbboyd).

Dec 19, 2012

Top 10 Most Depressing Christmas Songs 2012


10. Butt-Chugging Eggnog

09. (There's No Place Like) Walmart for the Holidays

08. Hark the Tattooed Douchebags Sing

07. Christmas at the Romneys

06. It's the Most Communicable Time of the Year

05. Jodido Navidad

04. All I Got for Christmas is Prison Rape

03. Away in Benghazi

02. Colt Ford is Coming to Town

01. Sleigh Ride (Off the Fiscal Cliff)

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