This Shall Not Stand!

AI Illustrated Country Songs: Texas & Red Dirt Artists

 Titles at the end if you can't figure some of these out.

Charlie Robison "Loving County"

Bleu Edmondson/Matt Powell "50 Dollars and a Flask of Crown"

Roger Miller "You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd"

George Strait "Amarillo By Morning"

Reckless Kelly "Crazy Eddie's Last Hurrah"

Robert Earl Keen "Feelin' Good Again"

Charlie Robison "Barlight"

One Texas Town Doesn’t Have a Country Song About It

One town in the Hill Country has somehow escaped the gaze and thoughtful tunesmithing of Texas country and roots songwriters. Sabinal, Texas, located west of San Antonio in Uvalde County, has all the touchstones needed for a great country song, but has yet to be honored in that manner, and Mayor Jerry Guzman is tired of it. 

“We’re pretty much the same exact size we were in 1910, write about our consistency!” laughed Guzman. “But seriously, you can zoom into any area in Texas on Google Maps and pick a town and there’s a 99% chance there’s at least a mediocre Casey Donahew album cut about it.” 

“Freakin’ Gatesville has a song!” he frowned. “River floating, vista gazing, dust stirring, beer drinking, lie telling, domino slamming, chili without beans… we’ve got it all, but Gatesville… ptuih!” 

Neither Cody Johnson, nor Willie Nelson, nor Randy Rogers, nor Pat Green, nor Rich O’Toole, nor Bri Bagwell, nor Robert Earl Keen, nor K.T. Olin, nor Jack Ingram, nor Rodney Crowell, nor Joe Ely, nor Nanci Griffith, nor Larry Gatlin, nor Mac Davis, Gary P. Nunn, nor Clint Black, nor Alejandro Escovedo, nor Jamie Lin Wilson, nor Beyonce, nor Steve Earle, nor Radney Foster, nor Kelly Clarkson, nor Cody Canada has bothered showing even 3 1/2 minutes of interest in the forlorn municipality.

"It rhymes with a bunch of stuff depending on how you say it," laughed the Mayor. "fall, in all, call, pal, Cristal... uh saddle if you pronounce it weird."

A small sampling of other Texas cities and towns that DO have country songs written about them are as follows: Houston, San Antonio, Dallas, Amarillo, Texarkana, Stephenville, Waco, College Station, Brownsville, Corpus Christi, Odessa, Monahans, Wichita Falls, Nacodoches, Plainview, Fort Worth, Indianola, Lubbock, Galveston, Alpine, Austin, Luckenbach, La Grange, Beaumont, Midland, El Paso, Abilene, and Laredo. But not Sabinal. 

The town has put together a discussion panel to find ways to make the area more amenable to being documented in the next TRRR smash. “First of all we’re looking to expand the Dairy Queen parking lot, at city expense, to draw in more young people who like to hang out yelling “Let’s go!” in parking lots with their pickup trucks. That’ll cover the more middle of the road Texas country sensibilities.” said Guzman. “But we also have to find ways to add more ennui, whatever that is, for the artsy-fartsy Texas poets.” 

“We’ll figure it out..” he trailed off, with a tear in his eye. 

At press time, out-of-state country songwriter Cody Wolfe had volunteered to write a song about Sabinal, provided that a nearby airport can accommodate his private jet.  

Texas Country/Red Dirt Album Cover Starter Pack

Port Aransas Dope Dealer Starter Pack (IYKYK)

Top 12 Signs a Texas Country Singer Isn’t Really From Texas

~ Trailer, with big help from Rich O’Toole

 -------

12. When he covers “Screw You, We’re From Texas,” he just lets the crowd sing the word ‘Texas'

11. Thinks you’re talking about Lebron James when you mention the king

10. Actually enjoys Lone Star Beer

9. Dad owns a financial firm in Little Rock

8. Makes up a lie that it’s how they did it in (makes up Texas small town) when somebody calls them out for putting beans in chili

7. Follows Rich O’Toole on Twitter

6. Just nods along when band talks about kolaches because he thinks that’s a wooden dancing shoe that the Swedish wear or some shit

5. Still thinks Pat Green is famous

4. Wears a straw hat in winter

3. Books a Friday show in Houston and a Saturday show in El Paso because “it’s the same state, how far can it be?”

2. Rhymes ‘Bexar’ with Lexar in a song

1. Calls Jerry Jeff Walker …Jerry Jeff Walker

Texas Country Singer Dies After Accidentally Eating Chili with Beans

Up and coming Texas country singer-songwriter Kodee Westmoreland passed away on Monday, July 5. Westmoreland was visiting friend Lawrence Allen in Louisiana for the long Independence Day weekend when he suddenly became violently ill after a meal. Allen rushed him to the emergency room, but Westmoreland was declared dead upon arrival.

The cause of death is still pending investigation, but Westmoreland’s parents believe they know what happened. “They fed him chili with …beans put in it.” cried Lori Westmoreland, Kodee’s mother. “I think he just died from the shock of such a travesty.”

Allen, for his part, admits serving the heretofore mentioned bespoiled chili. “That’s silly,” said Allen. “I’m trying to mourn my friend and they’re throwing accusations at me. Was he allergic to beans? No. Did he choke? No. Case closed.”

Still, Allen’s account of the incident to police adds credence to the Westmorelands’ theory. According to the report, Westmoreland took a large bite of chili directly from the pot Allen was cooking in. He then told Allen “That has good flavor, but something isn’t right.” Allen asked if maybe some more cumin might help. “Hell no,” said Westmoreland. “But… oh God.” Westmoreland then immediately bent over clutching his stomach. “There’s. Beans.” were reportedly the last words he ever uttered.

The Westmoreland family has retained legal counsel and plans to pursue a civil suit against Lawrence Allen. “We’re still formulating an argument at this point, but clearly the act of cooking ‘chili bean stew’ and calling it chili, leading to Kodee’s consumption of the mislabeled dish, caused such trauma to his system and sense of Texas pride that his heart simply stopped.” said family attorney Howard Kaufmann.

“I just miss my friend,” said Allen. “I don’t think he was so hard-headed that he died because I broke the Texas Ten Commandments or something.”

It will be interesting to see how the situation plays out. RIP in peace, Kodee!

Rich O’Toole was unavailable for comment at press time.

If You're Gonna Play in Texas...

 

Don't Call Yourself a...

Texas Band Proclaims Love of Their Home State in Song

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, July 21, 2011 

A new band out of New Braunfels, Texas, is proud of their home state and they are not ashamed to let the world know. The DeWayne Tillis Band's debut digital single "Texas in My Veins" is an anthem to the Lone Star State that lets us all in on what's going down in the little-known, rarely mentioned home of such things as "Shiner," "Ray Wylie" and "bluebonnets." 

The song, a catchy assimilation of country and rock that sounds vaguely like Steve Earle fronting Lynyrd Skynyrd, is a mash note to Texas, while also reminding us not to "mess" with said state. Lead singer DeWayne Tillis co-wrote the song with bassist Colton McBride after seeing either a Jamie Crowe Band or Kasey Rogers Band concert one night (they couldn't remember which). 

"Man, they were so good and had us fist-pumping and 'whoo-ing' all night and just loving life in this humble little state," related Tillis. McBride chimed in: "And we just thought... man, there ought to be at least one song out there to let people know just how completely, unassumingly awesome it is here." 

The band's love of Texas isn't limited only to song. Drummer Charlie Peacock revealed some early sketches of the band logo, a charmingly subtle combination of the band's name in a grunge typeface with the state's outline and a guitar which seems to be sprouting eagle wings. "We thought our brand, our logo, ought to be as unique as this reverential land we call home" said Peacock. "Damn, that's gonna look good hanging on cheap banners down at the Icehouse!" 

According to DeWayne Tillis, the group's debut album won't focus specifically on Texas: "We got love songs, songs about being a band on the road, uh... did I say love songs already?" The collection of tunes, tentatively titled Aw Shucks, We're From Texas, is due for release in October, or sooner if the single touches a nerve with radio audiences yearning for confirmation of the state they all hold so bashfully dear. 

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Texas Country Music

Some people would imagine that the fan-friendly, honest Texas country music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as pop music or Nashville. However, those people would be wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

----------

10. Kevin Fowler

Reply All… every time

Somehow always around when the tour bus bathroom smells, but never did it

9. Bri Bagwell

Starts every sentence with “No offense, but…”

Talks on speaker phone at the gym

8. Casey Donahew

Stage banter consists entirely of discussing the show Entourage

All band members must refer to him as “sir”

7. Kyle Park

Waits till he gets up to the counter to look at the menu

Calls Koe Wetzel screaming for no reason every morning around 5 a.m.

6. Sarah Hobbs

Takes a smoke break during church and puffs Black & Milds right outside the sanctuary

“Gangnam Style” ringtone

5. Zane Williams

Wears shirts printed with recent tv show spoilers on stage

Threw out first pitch at a minor league game and purposely beaned the catcher between the pads

Replaces the toilet paper ‘roll under’

4. Lyle Lovett

Still does the duck face and peace sign in pics

Signs autographs as “Shyle Shovett”

Only speaks German in interviews since 2004

3. Kylie Rae Harris

Just shows up with Whataburger without asking anybody if they wanted some first

Her only jokes are stolen from Larry the Cable guy

Her encore at shows? “Baby Shark”
(RIP KRH. Leaving this because she 'liked' it on Twitter)

2. Dalton Domino

Breath always smells like pickle chips

Proud to prove he knows every word of “F the Police” every chance he gets

Signs up for fetish porn sites using bandmates’ email addresses

1. Cory Morrow

Never been to a  Buc-ees without asking to speak to the manager

Calls everybody “chief” or “pahdnah”

Leaves shopping carts behind car parked next to him

Brutal SBDs

Another Important Texas Map

What Musical Region Do You Claim?

Texas Country Charts Be Like...

Texas Songwriter Under Fire for Song About Missouri

A Texas singer-songwriter is facing backlash for writing and recording a song that isn't about Texas. Lubbock artist Wells Barton says he's had his current single, "She's Like Laredo,"  pulled from most Texas radio stations and he's been ridiculed on social media for the album cut "White River Hills," which chronicles a romance in the Missouri Ozarks.

"Traitor. Texas forever, bitch!" read a tweet from @txgirl696969 this past Friday, and that's one of the nicer responses Barton has received. He's also seen his previously ascending single drop off the charts when his album including "White River Hills" was released.

Barton is flummoxed by the situation. "Literally, all 97 songs I've ever written before were either about Texas or took place in Texas or were named after a city in Texas," he explained. "But it's like I cheated on my wife or something, writing about Missouri." Barton says he was touring through Missouri and Arkansas and simply thought the White River Hills area was beautiful and wanted to express it in song. He never expected his budding career to hit a brick wall because of it.

He's had bookings cancelled across Texas in the wake of the controversy. Someone even tore the "Don't Mess With Texas" sticker off his tour van. "Casey Donahew called and cursed me out," said Barton, shaking his head. "and Kevin Fowler pulled his tour bus up in front of my house and forced me to hand over all his CD's that I owned."

Apparently, Barton told us, there are only a certain number of acceptable locations in songs for artists of his ilk. Texas is always king. Oklahoma is fine sometimes. Louisiana will work for songs with zydeco instrumentation. Mexico, of course, is great. Nobody writes songs about Arkansas. Deviation from these unwritten rules leads to black-balling and questioning of loyalty.

At press time, Wells Barton was planning to re-release his album Stars and Bars and Cadillac Cars with "White River Hills" replaced by a new song, "Texas is My Only Girl," but it remains to be seen if too much damage has already been done.

Friday Night Lights Country Reaction Gifs

When your friend says he misses bro-country's glory days

 

 Nashville record exec shortly after "tomato-gate"

How do you really feel about Luke Bryan?

Still more country than Sam Hunt...

Why your daughter finally threw out all her FGL CDs

 Kane Brown fan trying to comprehend basic English

When your mom keeps listening to Thomas Rhett

What do they sing about in Texas?

The Crud Report: February '16