Showing posts with label Kyle Park. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kyle Park. Show all posts

Mar 27, 2019

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Texas Country Music

Some people would imagine that the fan-friendly, honest Texas country music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as pop music or Nashville. However, those people would be wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.


10. Kevin Fowler
Reply All… every time
Somehow always around when the tour bus bathroom smells, but never did it

9. Bri Bagwell
Starts every sentence with “No offense, but…”
Talks on speaker phone at the gym

8. Casey Donahew
Stage banter consists entirely of discussing the show Entourage
All band members must refer to him as “sir”

7. Kyle Park
Waits till he gets up to the counter to look at the menu
Calls Koe Wetzel screaming for no reason every morning around 5 a.m.

6. Sarah Hobbs
Takes a smoke break during church and puffs Black & Milds right outside the sanctuary
“Gangnam Style” ringtone

5. Zane Williams
Wears shirts printed with recent tv show spoilers on stage
Threw out first pitch at a minor league game and purposely beaned the catcher between the pads
Replaces the toilet paper ‘roll under’

4. Lyle Lovett
Still does the duck face and peace sign in pics
Signs autographs as “Shyle Shovett”
Only speaks German in interviews since 2004

3. Kylie Rae Harris
Just shows up with Whataburger without asking anybody if they wanted some first
Her only jokes are stolen from Larry the Cable guy
Her encore at shows? “Baby Shark”
(RIP KRH. Leaving this because she 'liked' it on Twitter)

2. Dalton Domino
Breath always smells like pickle chips
Proud to prove he knows every word of “F the Police” every chance he gets
Signs up for fetish porn sites using bandmates’ email addresses

1. Cory Morrow
Never been to a  Buc-ees without asking to speak to the manager
Calls everybody “chief” or “pahdnah”
Leaves shopping carts behind car parked next to him
Brutal SBDs

May 17, 2018

Country Doppelgängers: Evan Felker, Clint Black, Koe Wetzel, etc.

 Roy Rogers looked like Clint Black's dad

 Turnpike Troubadour Evan Felker
and actor/Jackass Johnny Knoxville

 Jordan Davis is a less cool 
Opie of Sons of Anarchy (Ryan Hurst)

 Kyle Park and "yodel boy" Mason Ramsey

Parker McCollum and Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter

Koe Wetzel is Mark Henry without the melanin and muscles

Lee Greenwood looks like man

Aug 2, 2017

Little Known Facts Returns!

Sam Hunt celebrated his longest reigning Billboard Hot Country song of all time with a goblet of Perrier garnished with kiwi and a new pair of wide cropped trousers

Taylor Swift has been pondering a return to country music, but feels that the current scene is "too pop" for her

I wonder if mentioning that Upchurch guy or Luke Combs gets people to visit this site? Only one way to find out....

Bucky Covington is currently in the studio working on his new album*
*in the food truck grilling some brats

Former AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson is expected to release a country album in 2018 titled 'For Those About To Mud (We'll Drink a Cold One To That)'

Martina McBride once bet Reba a single's royalty payments she could kill a bottle of Rumple Minze in 30 seconds. That's how she paid for the indoor shooting range in her house.

Upon further investigation, Cody Jinks may be the devil

The Nashville zoo once went on lockdown due to a gorilla escape until they realized it was just Dylan Scott

Every 6-8 months I google 'Colt Ford' to make sure he's still alive so I can write facts about him and not seem like too much of an ass

Kyle Park is derivative, obsequious, facile, and parochial. For you Texas music fans, that means he's no different from mainstream country

Tyler Childers has become so famous that the Taco Bell in Louisa, Kentucky cleaned their bathroom in his honor

Kelsea Ballerini is as cute as a button and twice the singer

FTM was gonna start a @BedazzledLukeBryan Twitter account but all our planned posts just looked like Luke Bryan's

by Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Mar 8, 2017

Saturday Night Live Country Reaction Gifs

Country purists would have you believe 
no good country music was created after

Oh, you're going to see Kyle Park?

 When somebody whose musical taste you respect says 
the Moonshine Bandits are a guilty pleasure

Does Luke Bryan suck?

Even more of this couldn't help Florida-Georgia Line

And then what happened to the Knoxville girl?

 A truly underrated country song

 If Trebek doesn't like Chris Knight...

Oct 4, 2012

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Kyle Park - The Night is Young

Kyle Park - The Night is Young
Listen to the song here.

This seems to be a celebration of youth and staying out well past the late news, both of which are sins. Okay, youth isn't actually a sin, but it is said that "youth is wasted on the young" and the Holy Bible says that children should obey their parents. Well, this parent didn't allow his children to stay out late into the night and consort with unclean persons or partake in alcoholic beverages or give in to lust of the flesh, so Mr. Park would do well to follow these rules as well. The fact that my daughter got pregnant at 17 (she did get married though, at the barrel of a 10 gauge) and my son is currently at Clearview Recovery Center is of no concern to you. Every word in the Bible is law. My wools and linens never cross fibers.

When I was Kyle Park's age, I did my share of partying, but my thirties found me destitute, lonely and riddled with illnesses which required treatment at the health department. Thus, I learned that this late-night lifestyle is not one for young people to aspire to. I stand before you a whole man, with a budding ministry, a lovely wife (to some), a fine double-wide home and a clean health report because I turned from the devil's temptations. Glory be!

Turn from His wrath! If you are still living with your parents, listen to them and come in before the curfew they set (which should be no later than 9:30 PM). If you are a young person living on your own, use Friday nights to study the Word, watch CBN and pray. Bars are dens of sin, above-the-booty tattoos, women wearing boots, Yaygermyster (my son-in-law told me to mention that), vulgar Brantly Gilbert music, tobacco and perverse video trivia. Flee from these, Kyle Park! Fall upon your Wrangler covered knees and thank the Lord for your vocal abilities. Reverse course before it is too late. Put down the Shiner Bock beer. Take your hand off that harlot's thigh. Keep your little pecker inside your blue jeans. Don't sing songs that glorify sin sin sin!!!!



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