Farce the Music: Josh Abbott Band

Apr 28, 2015

You Suck as a Music Fan 6

If...

You stopped being a fan when they sold their 10,000th album.

... you only go to concerts to talk to your friends and stare at social media. -@MarkDeskin

You think pedal-steel is a pick-up truck accessory... -Hannah Jo Lally

You incorporate Luke Bryan lyrics into your wedding vows. -Neal Grant

If you spell George's name Straight. -Michael Crabtree

You pirate the album then complain about its production values.

You only go to the merch table to ask for a free sticker. - @HonkyTonkQueen

You ask the merch guy if the album is on Spotify.

You judge an entire album based on hearing one or two songs. -Andrew Lacy

You find all your new music by Shazam'ing songs from WWE promotional videos.

You encourage 3 minute drum solos by cheering the whole time. -Christina Maccini

You don't know anyone else's name in the band besides the lead singer. -Cheyenne Wolf Abilene

The next morning, you have to ask your friends what the band played.

If you consider countdowns as the bar for good music. -Kenny Daniel

If you think Lie Baby is a Brantley Gilbert song. -Ben Ryan

You think Louis Armstrong was that guy who doped up and won the Tour De France "a lot of times." -Barry Toffoli

You had a terrible night because your phone ran out of space for videos.

You think Shinedown's version of "Simple Man" is better than the original. -Mark Breunig

You treat a live band like your personal jukebox. -@UncleLeonAlibis

You don't clap for the live band but you'll "check in" at the venue on your iPhone. -Lee Kelley

You ask to be on the guest list. -Trey Newman

The only song you recognize is the rap song playing over the monitors while the second band sets up.

You swapped Exile on main Street for 3 Garth Brooks albums. (I was young and stupid) -Matt Kidney

Jimmy Kimmel's crew interviews you during SXSW -James Treviño

FGL is your jam. -Westin Zamarippa

You've demanded a refund because the band didn't play the one song you know.

You use the phrase "but you've gotta admit that it's catchy." to justify a terrible song. -Taylor Smith

you respond to the question who's your favorite artist that you don't have one and you like whatever's on the radio. -@AshleyAnnMusic

You go to your most favorite band's concert, but you get so drunk, the band has you thrown out (saw this at an American Aquarium show) -@maparriott

When you say "the record store" and you mean "Walmart." -Mike Holcomb

You couldn't make the live show because you didn't have a bow-tie to match the current vibe of the band.

Your idea of discovering artists is from listening to mainstream radio -@Convictcharlie

You wear bedazzled jeans to a concert. And you're a dude. - @fher1286

You can only sing along to the last two hits.

a guy raps with a twangy, nasal drawl in double-time about a ba-donk-a-donk with some such colored Solo cup in a truck with ground effects and a 7 foot suspension lift with double-decker KC lights and a never-used Warn wench, rollin' down a dirt road, going to that lake at Old Man Johnson's farm, on a hot, summer night...over the dying pleas of a steel guitar and you don't literally get sick to your stomach. -Jay White

You talk through an entire acoustic set. -@BlondieInTX

You think Sam Hunt is a country singer.

If Willy Braun asks you to put down your phone. -Jodi Tidwell Bourne

You still buy Josh Abbott's music - @HonkyTonkQueen

You take MMA training in the winter and spring to prepare for the summer concert season.

You claim an artist is a "sell out" for selling Nashville something they wrote because YOU....
DONT go to shows
DONT buy the merch
and have
DOWNLOADED all their music for free. -Angela Jolene

All your band shirts came from Target.

you know the pants size of the jeans the artist fits in to, but you're unsure of what the last single was. -Danielle E. Bowers

You think the Possum is a pesky critter and the Hag is merely your mother-in-law. -Mike Pollard

You smuggle in Bud Light to a show....in a can. -Scott McGuffie