May 18, 2021
Aug 30, 2019
The Kinfoke Krewz, a Gulf of Mexico excursion featuring country rapper Big Smo, Twang & Round, Lenny Cooper and others, has returned to port in New Orleans amid chaos and reports of crime and illness. 243 of the estimated 703 passengers were arrested once the ship returned shore, on charges ranging from minor assault and underage drinking to kidnapping and drug manufacturing.
The Carnival cruise ship was scheduled to have a stopover in an unspecified Mexican port on Thursday, but the company and Coast Guard officials said the trip had been cut short due to “a multitude of infractions great and small, and a general prevalence of unsanitary conditions and unhealthfulness.”
Before the trip even got underway, several ocean-goers were stopped at the boarding gates attempting to drive their ATVs onto the ramp. The vehicles were stowed in cruise line storage and the passengers were finally allowed aboard.
“They said on the message board that we were gone have a mud bog on the party deck, so I brung my Polaris, but they wouldn’t let me on with the damn thing.” said Timmy “Swaydawg” Thomas of Cary, NC. “They best not be a scratch on it when I get back or somebody a** gettin’ stomped.”
|Country rapper/reality star Big Smo|
Once at sea, situations took an immediately dire turn. All 7 of the women on board (3 of those being hired bikini models) reported harassment incidents to ship security staff within the first 5 hours. Officers were unable to detain any suspects due to nearly every male aboard fitting the description of “moderate height, overweight white guy with sparse facial hair and a Confederate flag tattoo.”
There were multiple fights, 57 reports of alcohol poisoning, 78 thefts, and one abduction. One man fell from a viewing deck into a stairwell trying to catch a vape pen. Fortunately, his girthy stature prevented serious injuries. A convention room had to be turned into a makeshift brig due to overcrowding in the existing facility.
The itinerary, already on shaky ground, was finally brought to an end by several outbreaks of Norovirus, lice, and an unnamed pustulating neck rash. “The hygiene of this group was questionable, to be polite.” said ship captain Paul Childers, “Do they have showers in the Carolinas and Georgia?”
At press time, the passengers of the canceled Kinfoke Krewz were all waiting in line to get in Pat O’Brien’s.
May 14, 2019
Apr 20, 2018
Oct 31, 2017
Jun 16, 2017
Nov 2, 2016
When your stepson says he's a huge Big Smo fan
When you try to make your friend stop listening to Lindi Ortega
Riding with your Brantley Gilbert fan cousin like...
Did you know Dave Cobb is Brent Cobb's cousin?
When your girlfriend walks in after
you just listened to Turnpike Troubadours
When you meet Hunter Hayes
Oct 18, 2016
Jul 14, 2016
Oct 27, 2015
Shooter Jennings recently found his He-Man costume from 3rd grade and
decided to wear it this year since it still fits.
Colt Ford scrapped plans to go as someone less talented than himself when
he couldn't find a Big Smo outfit.
After being up late with a cranky baby, Jason Isbell will accidentally put on
Amanda Shires' pants on the 31st and walk out dressed as Sam Hunt.
Somewhere in Georgia a hay-wagon hitch will break and nearly cancel the hayride
but all will be saved by Brantley Gilbert's wallet chain.
Hunter Hayes has been spotted at Sam's Club buying gallon tubs of vaseline to
grease his face up because just a fat suit isn't enough to look like Gary Levox.
In 2012 Hank Williams Jr dressed as Chewbacca but everyone knew it was him
because he was constantly yelling "I'm Hank Williams Jr, bitch!."
On October 31st Dale Watson will wake up and dress like a badass. Just like every other day.
This year Chad Brock will be dressed as a homeless man on the streets of Nashville.
He will remain in costume through 2018.
Florida Georgia Line decided to not dress as what they believe to be the greatest country duo
of all time because they couldn't decide which one had to be Big Kenny.
Tyler Farr will be arrested on Halloween for parking a hearse outside
a neighbor kid's bedroom and throwing popcorn balls at the window.
After a bad experience with Wynonna's spray tan artist Dolly Parton will be stopped at
the local farmers market for being suspected of smuggling two pumpkins out the door.
Chris Stapleton's costume will not be seen by most of the country but
people that actually know things will agree it's the best costume this year.
Ray Wylie Hubbard will dress as a geriatric Danny Zuko. The other 364 days of the year
this is referred to as "the Ray Wylie Hubbard look."
By Jeremy Harris
Feb 5, 2015
Jun 12, 2014
If hick-hop does in fact make it to the mainstream, here's a small sampling of the class,
artistic quality and cultural significance to come....
(these are actual album, single or EP covers - I didn't Photoshop any of them)
Idiocracy, here we come...