Farce the Music: hick-hop

Jun 21, 2022

Top 10 Ways Hick-Hop Fans Are Saving Money During This Inflation

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10. Citrus Drop instead of Mountain Dew for the baby’s bottle

9. Generic illegal prescription pills

8. Only going mudding four times a month

7. Turning their underwear inside out after a couple days for a few more days of wear

6. Building up tolerance to taste of unleaded so they can syphon more

5. Making their own t-shirts at home

4. Stealing mufflers AND catalytic converters

3. Just letting the herpes fester; it ain’t going away anyway

2. Cutting their meth with 10% more baking soda

(it’s good for your teeth!)

1. Leaving Cousin Grandpa in jail this time instead of bailing him out

Jan 20, 2017

Album Review: Upchurch - Chicken Willie

I ran a poll on Twitter last week to 'force' me to review an album. I threw this in on a lark. This was the choice I hoped wouldn't win, but then, I knew it probably would because y'all just wanna see me talk trash. Okay then, let's see how this goes.

Upchurch, Upchurch the Redneck, Ryan Upchurch… comedian, hick-hop rapper. His most recent album (on Spotify) is titled Chicken Willie. The cover features Mr. Upchurch proudly presenting a prized farm fowl. On a surface level alone, this is far more interesting than 99.9% of the other hick-hop album covers I've seen. It shows a uniqueness and a willingness to stand out from the posing-with-muddy-trucks crew.

As country rappers go, Mr. Upchurch is uh, not the most inferior. I know that's like saying he's one of the taller ~~midgets~~ little people, but it is what it is. His flow is not bad. He doesn't rap like he's got a mouth full of Red Man or chicken wings or Keystone like most hick-hop dudes. Basically what I'm saying is that he doesn't sound like a fat honky (I can say that; I'm a non-skinny honky). By no means is he in the realm of talent of say, Yelawolf, but on rapping ability alone, he's head and shoulders above most in his genre.

The songs lean a bit more toward hop than hick. The vocals are front and center and the beats are loud and staccato. It gets pretty tiresome. There's plenty of acoustic guitar and banjo down in the mix, but mostly it's more table dressing than side dish.

The title track is a statement of purpose, if that purpose is saying he's a redneck, white-trash, hillbilly. Mr. Upchurch brags about being the realest motherf**ker, being higher than a tree stand, and being uh, Chicken Willie. There's not much more to it. Not sure how he got the nickname - perhaps from having a 'special' relationship with the cover model chicken?

By the next track, it's clear that's all this album is about. The bragging, not the forbidden love. He's baiting his haters to "come and get it." "It" is a blast from a shotgun, apparently. I'm a little worried about this review now.

There's lots of stuff about trucks and fighting and never turning down and drinking and girls and that really covers most of it. Throughout this album, Mr. Willie has warned me to avoid his neck of the woods and after this review (and even before) I'm likely to heed his cautions.

There's at least a minor improvement from other hick-hop lyrics in this mess of threats and posting up. There's a hint of humor, some traces of self deprecation, and a few interesting turns of phrase. Upchurch is again, one of the honor students at his school for morons.

Basically, I wish I hadn't put this album on the poll. I'd rather review the best of the best or the lowest garbage in existence. It's hard to appropriately hate on Upchurch's album because I've heard so much worse. That said, I still can't stand hick hop. Until they make better use of country instrumentation and songwriting, and until the bulk of the "rappers" don't sound like it's a hobby they dabble in on breaks at the pawn shop, it's just not for me, dawg.

But you know, if you're into crap, Chicken Willie is at the very least, one of the less offensively stinking dog turds. Please don't shoot me with a 20 gauge, mister chicken f***er.