You have a Lucero sticker on your Honda Pilot. You look like someone who should be avoided in a dark alley, but you’re actually a tattooed sweetheart of a person. You can’t relate to people who think sad songs kill the mood. You’ve got your eye on a small RV to buy and follow Lucero around, once the kids move out.
You’re a good ol’ boy or girl, I don’t care what anybody says. You’d rather chug-a-lug a mug of beer than sip a crystal glass of wine. You’d rather discuss the latest goings on of World Wrestling Entertainment, but can easily have a conversation about Eudora Welty or foreign relations. You have a couple crooked fingers as evidence of your bar fighting days, but you’ve chilled out.
You don’t like mainstream country; Spotify played Morgan after a Paramore song and you were smitten. You are prone to stalking exes on social media when you get a few drinks in you, but not in a creepy way - you just wanna talk shit. You drive like a bat out of hell, and that turns your significant other on for some reason.
You reflexively like Tyler even more now that many conservatives say he “went woke.” This is a good album, but that first sentence may have clouded your judgement a bit. You own a Subaru. You tried morel hunting for the first time and ended up having to get rescued by the game warden, so your friends now call you the Kane Brown of Americana fans.
Your favorite burger is the McDonald’s Quarter Pounder. Your favorite book is 50 Shades of Grey. Your boyfriend’s ex has a restraining order against him. You’re not really into politics at all, but vote however your friends do. You spent $1820.34 on tea this year and $0 on vehicle maintenance.
Ryan Bingham - Watch Out for the Wolf
You got into Ryan because of Yellowstone. This is the first Ryan Bingham album or EP you’ve ever heard.
You don’t know what hick-hop is. Fuel was your favorite band in the 90s. You think Jelly Roll’s redemption story is wonderful, but you don’t really want to know what crimes he did because then you might have to stop liking him. You could never get into Yellowstone because the music was so boring. Your stepkids call you by your first name, with an attitude.
TMZ is your favorite news source. You tell people this is your favorite album of the year because you stan, but in your heart of hearts, you wish she’d go back to the pop sound of a few years ago. You live for every TMI detail of Kelsea’s love life and are glad she moved on from that last dude, because he isn’t as big a star as her.