Showing posts with label Eli Young Band. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eli Young Band. Show all posts

Jan 27, 2014

Eli Young Band Lyric Parody - Bath Salts Last Night



Bath Salts Last Night
(A parody of Eli Young Band's "Drunk Last Night")

I snorted bath salts last night
Went streaking in the midnight rain
Humped somebody's minivan
I'm pretty sure I broke my brain

I know I wasn't thinking straight
I couldn't tell up from right
I punched myself straight in the nuts
I snorted bath salts last night

I sniffed it all up, gave a big shout
It kinda hurt but I lost my doubts
Stole cigarettes, called my job and resigned
Two hits in, lost my shirt,
Hit my head, and blood it spurts
I swear it's the last bump every time
But that's a lie

Might've been a bad day that made me go
Down to my dealer, baby I don't know
Might've been I'm just not very bright
All I know's I snorted bath salts last night

I wore an orange traffic cone
I was king and it was my crown
I don't remember making threats
Just the police tazing me down

I sniffed it all up, gave a big shout
It kinda hurt but I lost my doubts
Stole cigarettes, called my job and resigned
Two hits in, ate my shirt,
Hit my head, and blood it spurts
I swear it's the last bump every time
But that's a lie

Might've been a bad day that made me go
Down to my dealer, baby I don't know
Might've seen a girl dancing with raccoons
Might've even puked on a skinny dude
Might've told some people I'm Luke Bryan
All I know's I snorted bath salts last night

Might've been a bad day that made me go
Down to my dealer, baby I don't know
Might've gone to Walmart in the nude
Might've climbed a pole when the cops pursued
Might've been I'm just not very bright
All I know's I snorted bath salts last night

I sniffed it all up, gave a big shout
It kinda hurt but I lost my doubts
Stole cigarettes, called my job and resigned
Two hits in, lost my shirt,
Sang Slayer songs in a church
I swear it's the last bump every time
But that's a lie

I snorted bath salts last night
I snorted bath salts last night
Sure didn't mean to eat this guy
But I snorted bath salts last night

Apr 17, 2012

3 Up, 3 Down



Here's the first of a new series to take the place of the "Promo Only Country Radio" reviews. Those had to go by the wayside due to me losing my, uh, "source" that provided me with those monthly compilations. Anyway, this'll be a monthly feature that picks out 3 songs I really like and 3 songs I really hate from the Top 40 chart.

3 UP
Alan Jackson - So You Don't Have to Love Me Anymore
That this song still sits at #33 on the charts, weeks after its release, is another major indictment of country radio. This isn't the depressing real-life financial hardship tale of Ronnie Dunn's criminally overlooked "Cost of Livin'," this is a more accessible prototypical (though not assembly-line built or soulless) Alan Jackson ballad. Alan Jackson, the modern legend. Alan Jackson, one of the two remaining big-ticket country singers with any ties back to what country really is. It's a great tune that anyone can relate to, well-written and well-sung. What's the problem? I know he's pushing 55, but he's still relatively wrinkle-free and attractive (I know that's all you care about, despite you being a non-visual medium). Play it, country radio. Save whatever minuscule pieces of your soul you have left. A

Eric Church - Springsteen
Not very country. Way beyond name-dropping. A few clich├ęs here and there. I should hate this song, right? Maybe, but some songs just have "it." "Springsteen" has it-factor by the truckload. It's atmospheric, sincere and powerful. Eric has a career-defining single with this one. It's too far removed from steel-guitars and fiddles to be a country music classic, but without a doubt, it's a modern pop-country masterpiece. A

Eli Young Band - Even if it Breaks Your Heart
Not as good as the original by Will Hoge, but still far above most of what's charting these days. Anytime you can hear a well-performed song that doesn't mention trucks or bikini tops, you've got to call that a win. The Eli Young Band really knows its way around a catchy hook and they picked a great song to show off their chops. B+


3 DOWN
Carrie Underwood - Good Girl
Loud, screechy, obnoxious, annoying. I can't think of any positive terms to use in describing this song, mostly because there aren't any positives. It's an overcooked Joan Jett meets pop-country song that's built - not created - strictly to grow awareness of Underwood's upcoming Blown Away release. This song meets the requirement of "earworm," but only because it beats you senseless over the head with the riffs and hook until it's lodged in your brain without your approval. D

Kip Moore - Somethin' Bout a Truck
This tries to come off as something other than a typical country listing song, but it's just a pig with different color lipstick. The nursery rhyme reminiscent chorus harkens back to The House that Jack Built in some ways, and that's as clever as the song gets. If all Nashville's songwriters are doing these days is finding new ways to say the same shit, it's time for a sea-change. They truly need a reality check. D

Kenny Chesney w/Tim McGraw - Feel Like a Rock Star
If you don't see/hear anything wrong here, you're part of the problem. This is the sound of two of the elder statesmen of pop-country having, if not a mid-life crisis, at least a mid-life bad day. This is the musical equivalent of a 43 year-old sagging his pants and donning a flat brim cap. Maybe, maybe, if this song had come out ten years ago, it wouldn't bother me much, but since it's part of a trend towards the push of country towards cock-rock, it's not cool with me. Not just that, but it's a lunk-headedly overt song. Even Brantley Gilbert wouldn't be this obvious. I know it's just meant to be a fun duet that builds up excitement for the Chesney/McGraw tour, but they could have done something fun that still had the tiniest filament of a thread tied to actual country music. D-

Apr 10, 2012

OMG Reviews: Eli Young Band - Even If It Breaks Your Heart



by Brittany Fant, 14-year-old music fan and aspiring reviewer



(Listen at this link)

OMG, I don't even understand what this song is about. What is a radio dial? Is that some kind of soap? I mean, this song gives me a happy feeling and the singer has a pretty good voice, but it doesn't make any sense at all. What is a ringing guitar? Why would dreaming break your heart? Uggggghhhhhhh!!!! I think I'll just go back and listen to my sweetie, Hunter Hayes, cuz all of his songs make sense. They're about things that matter like love and breaking up and love. This song seems to be about dreaming about music or something? I just dream about Hunter and One Direction!!! Why would you stand outside of a bar to listen to music? You can just hit play on your iPod or iPad, dummy!!! Again, Eli or whatever his name is, sings pretty good and the song sounds okay but if a song is going to be so hard to understand, it better at least have a dance beat or have somebody rapping in it. He's not even that hot. Strike three, you're out LOL!

I'll be nice and give this song 2 out of 5 heart hands!


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