The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: May '23

A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk

denotes a song where the good attributes and the bad are dead even.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-6) overall which is a 9 point drop from March (the previous time we did this chart). The best song is Cody Johnson's "Human." The worst is Parmalee's "Girl in Mine" which is somehow worse than Dan + Shay and Tyler Hubbard's current offerings. It's pretty precipitous drop in quality from last time, but we're heading into summer so that's to be expected. It's nice to see Joe Nichols back in the top 20!

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Saturday Night Music / Rhonda Vincent, Joe Nichols, Randy Kohrs / "Cash on the Barrelhead"

A Simple Joe Nichols Meme

Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?

Top 10 “Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?”

Inspired by this tweet.

10. You make me want to roll my windows down

9. A little fruity but she asked if I liked it

8. Aw naw, aw naw

7. Sounds like it sucks

6. Park this Silverado on your front lawn

5. I can smooth it out, I can slick it up

4. Jump on in, tell yo’ friends

3. Yeah boy, I’m about to show me a city slicker

2. I kick it with a mule

1. Shimmy up inside

Country TwitterFAIL: August '17

Single Review: Joe Nichols "Never Gets Old"

by Jonny Brick

In a marketplace where there’s a country chappie for everyone, and a new one is introduced every other week, sometimes vintage works too.

This is the title track of Joe’s first album in four years. Elsewhere on the album are covers of "Diamonds Make Babies," written by Chris Stapleton and an album cut by Dierks Bentley, and "Baby Got Back," which answers the question: What happens if Brad Paisley had gone full hip-hop on "Accidental Racist?" It’s surprising there hasn’t been more coverage of the album’s final track, which is a nice bonus after eleven tracks of homegrown ole-fashioned country like this tune.

In the rich key of D-flat with a whisper of accordion, "Never Gets Old" is a gentle love song about a girl’s touch being ‘like sunshine or Amazing Grace.’ Time goes on like a ‘broken record’ but with her around doing some kissing and holding hands, everything’s a-ok.

The lyric isn’t shouted but crooned, and the arrangement pushes the tenderness of the message into the foreground. It’s an adult love song, pitched at people who have been pushing ‘a rock up that big ole hill’ and find comfort in their life partner.

7/10

How to Create a Hit Country Song in 2017

Hey Songwriters! Real Nashville Pitch Sheet!

Pitch sheets (tip sheets) tell songwriters which labels and artists are looking for songs to cut and what type of songs they are seeking. Here's the latest one making the rounds. You're welcome!*

 

*not real

Great Merle Haggard Covers: Whitey Morgan, Suzy Boggus, Jamey Johnson, etc.

Monday Morning Memes: Joe Nichols, Florida-Georgia Line, Boobs

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPILrZTBedY

Band Mashup: Joe Nichols + ?

The Return of FTM's Worst Series: Country Stars With F'ed Up Teeth

"Country Stars with F'ed Up Teeth" is definitely the worst, most tasteless, least creative, most sophomoric

post series FTM has ever done. So it's back... (for today anyway)

 

Grumpy Cat vs Joe and Dustin

Bummer Song of the Summer (Poll)

While I think it's silly that a debate arises every year about which pop or country song is the "Song of Summer," here's your opportunity to vote for the anti song of summer. It hasn't been quite as terrible a summer as usual for country, but that's kinda like saying a truckstop bathroom smells better than a Port-a-john. Anyway, let us know what you think! The loser might get a little extra hatin' in the coming weeks.

What's the worst mainstream country song of the summer?
	Jake Owen "Beachin'"
	Florida-Georgia Line w/Luke Bryan "This is How We Roll"
	Joe Nichols "Yeah"
	Carrie Underwood/Miranda Lambert "Something Bad"
	Brantley Gilbert/Thomas Rhett/Justin Moore "Small Town Throwdown"
	Maggie Rose "Girl in Your Truck Song"
	Dustin Lynch "Where It's At"
	Chase Rice "Ready Set Roll"
pollcode.com free polls

Great Quotes from Country Singers VI: Sturgill, Vince, Joe Nichols

Nashville: A Drinking Town With a Country Problem

*And this is not an exhaustive list...

Honest Billboard Country Airplay Chart

Country "Walk-Up" Songs

Monday evening, Justin Moore tweeted about @MLBFanCave asking him what his "walk up" song would be if he were a baseball player, then asked what the fans thought his answer might have been. Ever the snarky jerks, Reginald Spears and FTM replied "So Small" and "Little Bitty," respectively (but not respectfully). That led to this: FTM ponders what other country singers would use as their perfect "walk up songs" if they were baseball players.

Walk-Up Songs for Country Singers

10. Brantley Gilbert

09. Taylor Swift

08. Tim McGraw

07. Blake Shelton

06. Willie Nelson

05. Sara Evans

04. Jason Aldean

03. Chris Young

02. Luke Bryan

01. Gary Levox

10-8-13 New Releases: Parody Album Covers (Joe Nichols, Korn, etc)