Showing posts with label Michael Ray. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michael Ray. Show all posts

Apr 2, 2018

Monday Memes: Let's Get Obvious!

First off all, I think these popular country memes are stupid. I didn't start them and I won't retweet them or post them on our Facebook page.


That kind of stuff's way too obvious for me. I like satire and weird, twisted humor. That's why we'll never have millions of followers too, but that's a story for another day. Anyway, here are my own versions of the currently viral "Obvious Country Music Lyric Memes."









Jun 29, 2017

Country Singer Anagrams: Kelsea, Walker Hayes, Stapleton, etc.

an·a·gram

ˈanəˌgram/
noun
a word, phrase, or name formed by rearranging the letters of another, such as cinema, formed from iceman.
 
Bro-Country

Dylan Scott

Kelsea Ballerini

Michael Ray

Walker Hayes
 

Nov 10, 2016

3 Up, 3 Down: November '16


Three Up



Miranda Lambert - Vice
While it's good to have Miranda back on the airwaves, it's even better that it's with such a cool and different-sounding song. There's so much atmosphere in Vice… it's comfortable and uneasy at the same time. That contrast fits the theme perfectly. It also explores modern sonic textures without straying from what contemporary mainstream country ought to sound like.
A



Eric Church w/Rhiannon Giddens - Kill a Word
The perfect song for this insane election season. It's a shame few will heed its message. The violent verbiage is a great angle for such timely and timeless ideals. I've seen a lot of chatter that this is one of Church's lesser singles, but some of these folks are the very ones who need to really listen to it. Sure, it could be a little more memorable in the hook department, but an overly catchy melody might make this more of a jingle than the maxim it should be.
A


Chris Janson - Holdin' Her
Chris blocked us on Twitter long ago, presumably for making so much fun of his co-write, "Truck Yeah." That song deserved to be unmercifully ripped. This one deserves to be a big hit. It's probably the most country sounding song on the charts right now. It's a real life love song with personal details and universal appeal. Chris sounds great on the tune as well. More of this please.
A


Three  Down



Dustin Lynch - Seein' Red
Dustin started out as one of the fairly neo-traditional artists we could potentially hang some hope on. No longer. This is a straight up pop song. It starts out with a canned riff, goes into some electronically adjusted vocals, and gets no better from there. It's disco for the twenty-teens. The only reason this couldn't get played on pop radio is Dustin's twang. That doesn't make it country. Is it a good song, genre aside? No. It's bro-country shined up for the modern urban cowboy set.
D-



Michael Ray - Think a Little Less
Exactly what it sounds like. Brainless smooth bro-country. "Get you outta this bar, out of that dress"… and people call Miranda Lambert a whore. Come on. This is by-the-numbers mainstream country for 2016. Easy going verse, semi-catchy but completely copied and pasted chorus, verse, chorus, guitar solo, talk-sing bridge, chorus, vomit. I'm tired of this garbage.
F+


Luke Bryan - Move
Utter shit. We've done enough memes and tomfoolery about this song to cover any words that could be said here. Let's hope this is bro-country's death wheeze.
F

Feb 17, 2016

3 Up 3 Down: February 2016


3 Up

Chris Stapleton - Nobody to Blame
It's a surprise to see this still climbing the charts, but an absolute blast and a shock to hear it come on country radio. It's like a guy showed up in boots to a black tie affair, but Garth it ain't. While it's far from the best song on Chris' highly awarded Traveller, it's a hell of a song, and a glimmer… no, it's a high beam on a moonless night.
A

Maren Morris - My Church
Some will focus on the name-dropping and hand clapping and not give this a fair shake, but it's a cool tune. Bluesy, stomping, and honest. Can't help but love the gospel flair in the chorus, tying the whole theme in perfectly. More like this, country radio! Less like "Dibs."
B+

Tim McGraw - Humble and Kind
Simple and affecting. Some may hear this as sappy and calculated, but I hear sincerity. And Tim doesn't have to put out stuff like this. He could still be chasing trends a'la' his misguided "Truck Yeah" era, but the fact that he's chosen to follow his own path and bring mature music to a sophomoric format is a credit to his standing as one of the few remaining artists with ties to the soul of real country music.
A

Bonus: Big & Rich ft. Tim McGraw - Lovin' Lately
A surprisingly catchy effort from a pair who's flown under the radar in recent years with middling songs nobody remembers 5 minutes after they end. "Lovin' Lately" is anthemic and ear-worm worthy, in a good way. The melody is the thing.
B

3 Down

Old Dominion - Snapback
Old Dominion is single-handedly keeping bro-country from truly breathing its last breath. This song has been the source of umpteen memes on Farce the Music and probably will spawn more. It's a straight up piece of crap. Slangy, cocky, sexually harassing. If Robin Thicke and Pitbull showed up on the remix, I would not be shocked in the least.
F

Cole Swindell - You Should Be Here
I applaud Cole for attempting to bring a bit more depth to country radio, but he should have tried harder. Or less hard, as the case may be. Based on real life or not, "You Should Be Here" sounds contrived and focus-group tested. "Bros Cry Too" would be a more apt title, as it drops all the tropes like drinking and hanging out …into a song about death. Maybe my cold black soul has just become too jaded, but an ASPCA commercial has an infinitely higher chance of dragging a tear out of my eye than this.
D+

Michael Ray - Real Men Love Jesus
Michael has a pretty nice voice, but I'm tired of listing songs and I'm tired of people telling what real men should do. I love Jesus, but a lot of people whose manhood you wouldn't dare question just think Jesus was a pretty cool guy There are ways to say this same thing without painting so broadly. Also, the song has little or nothing to do with the title itself. Jesus is just kinda shoe-horned in there with beer and dirt and barbed wire tattoos or whatever.  I'm all for Jesus songs being on country radio, but proclaim Him… live His Word loudly… just don't use Him as a selling point for a middling pop-country song.

C-

Feb 3, 2016

Real Men Love Beavis


Real Men Love Beavis

Real men love fartin'
Beer and Steve Martin
Cable shows about war
Tammy and Dolly Parton
Real men love grandpa 
Po-boys and cole slaw
And Shawshank makes 'em cry
And they like scratching balls

They like Saturday nights drunk on the couch
Chewing bubble gum from a pouch
And Chris Rock jokes always get them grinnin'
Cheap cigars and sneaking smokes
Hot girls in their yoga pants
Trying to do that dabbing dance
And they get blue
After football season

Real men love Beavis
And topless beaches
And talking like The Rock during Obama speeches
They drive too fast till they see blue lights
They laugh at the meme of Michael Jordan cryin'
They forget to zip their fly
Netflix and chill and the world's alright

They like Saturday nights drunk on the couch
Chewing bubble gum from a pouch
And Pryor jokes always get them grinnin'
Cheap cigars and sneaking smokes
Hot girls in their yoga pants
Trying to do that dabbing dance
And they get blue
After football season
Real men love Beavis

Real men love Beavis
Saturday morning sleepin'
Hair that's barely brushed
And standing outside leakin'

They like Saturday nights drunk on the couch
Chewing bubble gum from a pouch
And Hedberg jokes always get them grinnin'
Cheap cigars and sneaking smokes
Hot girls in their yoga pants
Trying to do that dabbing dance
I'm telling you
It ain't hard to please 'em
Real men love Beavis
Real men love Beavis

Jan 20, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Michael Ray's "Real Men Love Jesus"

Listen hear but you don't want to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XULnc3b8Dfg

Hell, I love Jesus. I'll whoop a man's ass who says I don't love Jesus. But too me, the only people qualified to sing about Jesus look like him. Even the women. This pretty boy looks like he's should be dancing with the Chip and Dales or something, LMAO. I bet he's had a couple of… never mind, Trailer says I can't make jokes about sexual orientation. PC punk ass. Go protest at Mizuri or something. I oughtta kick you in your safe space.

As you might imagine, i ain't going to listen to this song because its in the top 40 and anything that get's played on the radio isn't good. But I'll pick over the lyrics and critique his appearance so you know what's what. Do you think this guy has heard a Florida-Georgia Line song? I only ask that because its a great opportunity to remind you that I have never heard a Florida-Georgia Line song. You couldn't hate pop country more than me! What a sissy.



He says real men love fishing. I bet he's more into fis… never mind again. So what if men like to fish? I'm a real man and I like watching Netflix, shooting shit, and playing Halo, but you don't see me singing about it. And how does liking football make you a real man? This is all just stupid.



THE CRAP THEY CALL COUNTRY IS POP CRAP,,FOR THE LITTLE GIRLS,,,THERE ARE ONLY A HANDFULL OF REAL COUNTRY PEOPLE OUT THERE THESE DAYS


Who is sam hunt? No really I have no idea who he is. Or this guy. Michael Ray? He has 2 first names and 0 talent. Who thought this was a good idea for a song? Bitches love Jesus too. Does that make them a real man?

I'm into chicks, but this dude is handsome. To handsome for country music. Your supposed to be as ugly as a rake to sing REAL DAMN COUNTRY MUSIC. I'm done with this crap.

Aug 27, 2015

Kristofferson vs Michael Ray Meme


Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Michael Ray - Real Men Love Jesus

This is the same fella who sings about kissing a girl in the morning, right? And that implies that he spent the night with her. And now he's singing "Real Men Love Jesus?" Naw, homey don't play dat!

I'm not saying it's not possible to put your pecker in every floozie that shakes her buttocks on the club floor and still love the Father's Son, but I feel dirty for even having written those words, so clearly something isn't right. Hypocrisy is what's not right. This pretty boy is selling two worlds here.

I mean, nearly every country singer tells us of getting drunk as Toby Brown on Saturday night (Toby Brown is our local drunk), and praying for forgiveness on Sunday morning, but Michael Ray takes it even further. This song says "real men" have to love Jesus, but also "women"… as in more than one. Yes, I believe he is promoting threesomes and intercourse orgies in the very first line of a song purportedly about our Lord and Savior!!! Away from me Satan! Away!!

Later on, this sinner says real men love cold beer. Michael Ray, are you telling me I am not a real man? I do not engage in the imbibing of the Devil's urine! I'm not a man? Do I not have a penis and testicles? Have I not helped create three human beings who have succeeded as human beings at varying levels? I love my wife. I love my dearly departed mama. I can leg press more than Pat Robertson. I'M A MAN!

One final thing I will say about this foul and tricky song. It is a Trojan Horse of sin! Young Christian kids will hear the name Jesus and then think everything else in the song must be okay too. Nothing else in the song is about the Lord! That's like naming a song "Johnny Cash" and then having nothing in the song about Johnny Cash. Who would do that???

This is the most egregious and clever of the Devil's ploys. Michael Ray is a handsome young fellow who will appeal to the ladyfolks and the other young males will think "he is cool, I wish that I could be like Michael Ray and drink beer and stick my wiener in many skanks too!"

One more thing I don't get and must be of dark magical origins. This young man was a child in the 1990s yet he has tattoos that were popular in the 1990s (I know because my wayward 35 year old son has one of these "tribal tatts" on his ankle - he is not permitted to wear shorts in my home anymore). What up with that? Did his parents let him get "inked up" for his 8th birthday?










In closing, I say to thee: Flee from this song, this man, and this evil message! Amen!

F

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