Showing posts with label Move. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Move. Show all posts

Nov 10, 2016

3 Up, 3 Down: November '16


Three Up



Miranda Lambert - Vice
While it's good to have Miranda back on the airwaves, it's even better that it's with such a cool and different-sounding song. There's so much atmosphere in Vice… it's comfortable and uneasy at the same time. That contrast fits the theme perfectly. It also explores modern sonic textures without straying from what contemporary mainstream country ought to sound like.
A



Eric Church w/Rhiannon Giddens - Kill a Word
The perfect song for this insane election season. It's a shame few will heed its message. The violent verbiage is a great angle for such timely and timeless ideals. I've seen a lot of chatter that this is one of Church's lesser singles, but some of these folks are the very ones who need to really listen to it. Sure, it could be a little more memorable in the hook department, but an overly catchy melody might make this more of a jingle than the maxim it should be.
A


Chris Janson - Holdin' Her
Chris blocked us on Twitter long ago, presumably for making so much fun of his co-write, "Truck Yeah." That song deserved to be unmercifully ripped. This one deserves to be a big hit. It's probably the most country sounding song on the charts right now. It's a real life love song with personal details and universal appeal. Chris sounds great on the tune as well. More of this please.
A


Three  Down



Dustin Lynch - Seein' Red
Dustin started out as one of the fairly neo-traditional artists we could potentially hang some hope on. No longer. This is a straight up pop song. It starts out with a canned riff, goes into some electronically adjusted vocals, and gets no better from there. It's disco for the twenty-teens. The only reason this couldn't get played on pop radio is Dustin's twang. That doesn't make it country. Is it a good song, genre aside? No. It's bro-country shined up for the modern urban cowboy set.
D-



Michael Ray - Think a Little Less
Exactly what it sounds like. Brainless smooth bro-country. "Get you outta this bar, out of that dress"… and people call Miranda Lambert a whore. Come on. This is by-the-numbers mainstream country for 2016. Easy going verse, semi-catchy but completely copied and pasted chorus, verse, chorus, guitar solo, talk-sing bridge, chorus, vomit. I'm tired of this garbage.
F+


Luke Bryan - Move
Utter shit. We've done enough memes and tomfoolery about this song to cover any words that could be said here. Let's hope this is bro-country's death wheeze.
F

Oct 14, 2016

A Sophomoric Parody of Luke Bryan's "Move"

Don't read beyond this if you are classy and mature. You've been warned.


 



"Poop"
(Lyric parody of Luke Bryan's "Move")

Burritos were a bad idea on a night out
But I was feeling just fine so far
That is, till the opera house
We had seats in the middle, didn't bother me much
Till I got a groaning stomach and a cranky butt
I leaned to this side, lean to that side
Gotta keep this feeling all dammed up
Suddenly I'm sweating, feel like hell
You ask me what's wrong but I won't tell
Our fourth date's going pretty well
Can't say what I need to do

P-O-O-P, I gotta
Yeah, I gotta find some sweet release
Bathroom, or a tree
It's like my guts are full, I need to
Poop, yes I do
Ain't sexy, it's rude
But I've got to
Oh, girl, look at me
Legs and my hips
Everything clinched
My pants don't fit
Damn, my stool is loose
Stars flashing in my eyes
I don't think I can fight
If I don't lay some cable soon
Gonna die if I don't poop

It's true there's something in the air
I'm sorry and I know it was wrong
Got everybody looking around
Right about then, you lock eyes on me
You give me a dirty look, bet you wanna flee
All up in the middle of my left and right
Insides are tight, yeah, I've gotta be excused

P-O-O-P, I gotta
Yeah, I gotta find some sweet release
Bathroom, or a tree
It's like my guts are full, I need to
Poop, yes I do
Ain't sexy, it's rude
But I've got to
Oh, girl, look at me
Biting my lip
Everything clinched
My pants don't fit
Damn, my stool is loose
Blood pressure's on the rise
I don't think I can fight
If I don't take a load off soon
Gonna die if I don't poop

Let me number two
P-O-O-P
I need a porcelain chair with a plastic seat
U-H O-H
Look out, I'm coming through

P-O-O-P, I gotta
Yeah, I gotta find some sweet release
Bathroom, or a tree
It's like my guts are full, I need to
Poop, yes I do
Ain't sexy, it's rude
But I've got to
Oh, girl, look at me
Legs and my hips
Everything clinched
My pants don't fit
Damn, my stool is loose
Stars flashing in my eyes
I don't think I can fight
If I don't drop some kids off soon
Gonna die if I don't poop
Gonna die if I don't poop
Gonna die if I don't poop

Jul 26, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Luke Bryan's "Move"

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan,
Reviews Luke Bryan's "Move"

I think Trailer is punishing me for not writing many reviews this year. This is probly the worst song that has ever been recorded. Not that I've listened too it. I don't get paid enough to listen too a Luke Bryan song. In fact, God could smite me on the road to Tuscaloosa and say "you must listen to Luke Bryan to get too Heaven" and I'd be on the first Greyhound to visit uncle Satan.


Merle, George, and Waylon should rise up and kick Lukes ass then go piss on those varies named Florida-Georgia Line. I would kick his ass but he's got a personal trainer so he probly can bench a little more than I can and I been down in my back a little. Still, he deserves a steeltoe in his anus for all what he's done to country music.

I guess I'll take a look at the lyrics and let you know what I think of them. HOLY SHIT! Trailer says I can't make homo-phobic jokes on Farce the Music or I'd put one right here:_____________________________. Just believe me - these lyrics are fruity as Toucan Sam. That's what thought to shoup the hell up. Probably lives in some high rise downtown condo lmao.



"Move like you do, All sexy and smooth" what the hell, man? Anybody knows that a real country man ain't gone talk to his woman like that. And he keeps spelling out words. His fans are to stupid too know how to spell? LOL. I'm not surprised. If your dumb enough to listen too pop country, theirs no telling how low you're IQ is.



In summeration, this is not a country song and it sucks ass. If you like it your stupid and our probly voting for Hillery Clinton lmoa. Get some real country in you're life like C0E and BO-CEPHUS AND TAMMY TUCKER!!! Luke Bryant is garbage. I'd rather fart in a gas fire then listen to his "music."

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