Showing posts with label "reviews". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "reviews". Show all posts

Oct 2, 2019

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Zac Brown Band’s “God Given”



It’s been a busy year for me with bake sales and car washes and mission trips, but Trailer has me back to review this? I’ve only been gone a year and country music has devolved even further than I thought possible. 

First of all, I played this song for some youth in my church and they all said it was “all the cringe.” They also said that it was a janky old dude trying to get invited to the cookout. While I don’t always understand the slang of the younger generations, I will say that they were spot on with their observations. So clearly, this is not a country song, yet it’s on the country chart on the iTunes. Therefore, the Zac Brown Band is ‘straight up lying yo,’ and even toddlers know lying will put you on the fast track to Satan’s cookout, where everyone is invited. 

Next of all, I quickly found out that this is a song about idolizing the sexuality of the female form. That is, I found it out after the part where Zachary was spouting on about his materialism. Already, we’ve got three sins catalogued in this ‘sus’ musical work. The Lord is ‘collecting receipts’ and the Zac Brown Band is surely indebted. 

Even I was cringing at the part about hips riding little dimples. Bless it. If he’s going to be lustful, why can’t he stick with the tried and true lady parts to get excited about? That seems like what they call fetishism, which is probably a sin too, but I’m not sure how those niche weirdisms work. God will sort that all out.

Obviously I don’t like the title and hook of this song. Using God’s name so closely in the song with the word “damn” is not quite taking the Lord’s name in vain, but it’s close enough to feel the waves of heat pulsing through the wrought iron gates of Hades. 

In summary, I wish Trailer’s email about this song was ‘left on read’ and I do not “Stan” this song. Side note: one of my congregation members is named Stan and he doesn’t seem to like anything, so that’s quite ironic, don’t ya think? Anyway, please avoid this song; it’s bad for your soul, and possibly worse for your ears and brain. Peace out.


F

Aug 6, 2018

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Shooter Jennings "D.R.U.N.K."


Listen here, if you must.

I'm greatly displeased with Trailer's suggestion for my newest musical review. It seems he is possibly "trolling" me, as the kids say these days. I could pull a Carl Outlaw and not even listen to this song and the review would probably be the same, but unlike Mr. Outlaw, I have a set of ethics (and I know how to spell), and if Trailer wants me to listen to this surely sinful presentation, then I will follow through. Lord, protect my soul as I delve into this den of evil.

Surprisingly, this song, "D.R.U.N.K.," is actually about being drunk on the love of Jesus. Nah, I'm kidding. It's about being a sorry, lazy drunkard who is falling further away from the Lord's light. While this "outlaw" country is better on the ears than the vapid garbage that country radio plays, it is just as much a friend of the devil. 

I have discussed the evils of strong drink on many occasions, so I'm going to touch upon an even more despicable subject. Sloth. That right there is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, my friends! 

Mr. Shooter says he's not even going to put on pants or do anything of substance on this fine day. The visual there is already disgusting. Who wants to see this scruffy man wandering around his front porch in his tighty whiteys with a "Tall Boy" in one hand and a marywanner joint in the other? 

God has given us each day to put our hands and minds to work. To till the soil of the earth, to help others, to be a good steward of time. Mr. Jennings would rather cast this time into the void of Hell! For shame! 

Proverbs 20:4 says "The sluggard does not plow in the autumn; he will seek at harvest and have nothing." Receive the Word, Shooter Jennings! Don't come around my door begging for anything later on when you are broke and stumbling around in disgrace! 

And for them that listen upon this vile "artwork," Mr. Shooter is a stumbling block, causing them to think it's okay to plop their own pasty buttocks on the couch all day, drinking the High Life and watching The View. I shudder at the thought!

Flee from this sin! Run from the sluggard! Race away from the drunken bum! Keep your distance from a pot-head burnout! My son-in-law's best friend is one of these "Legalize It" losers and he can't even keep a job at the Dollar General because of his laziness (and the Yee Yee face tattoo ain't helping either).

In summary, this song is evil and bad and gets a big bold-type:
F!





Mar 23, 2018

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Old Dominion's "Hotel Key"



It seems like I'm living a lie. I used to review country songs and pop-country songs for this here blog, but these days all Trailer has me listen to are pop and hippity hop and rocking roll songs that still have the gall to call themselves country. It's disheartening and I believe it to be sinful (the lie that they're country; not that I'm reviewing them). But anyway, here we go.

This is another song from Old Dominion, a sleazy looking bunch of boys who like to sing about stalking women and wearing stupid looking hats (according to their appearances, it is probably pulled from the sweat-soaked, smoky pages of their own lives; not that I would judge). Well, I guess that's one way to go about things. It's not a Godly or respectable way, but it's a way. 

"Hotel Key." From the very title, you are immediately aware that some untoward situations are probably about to be recounted. It's not like a song about my wife losing her hotel key at the Million Dollar Quartet show in Branson is good song material for popular radio, so it has to be about fornicating or whatnot.

Annnnnd it is. Oh, ye of the olde dominion, fornicators shall not inherit the Kingdom of God. Put your pecker away and save that thing for your betrothed wife. Sins of the flesh are sins against the body. Flee from doing the sideways shimmy! You'll have a solid 3-5 years of all that you want once you get married. 

Another evil spoken of here is the mary wanner. Don't think I don't know what they speak of here. I'm from the seventies! Your body is a temple! Do you want to bring something into the temple that makes you want to lay on the couch all day watching Life Below Zero and eating Doritos all day? Well, that's what my son-in-law does and he ain't worth a …. I mean, he is not living within the Word at this time.

There's also mention of drinking in this song and you can probably imagine how the Lord and I feel about that. We don't even have real wine at the Lord's Supper, so I sure don't approve of it in a Motel 6 with a floozie and a doobie.

In summary, this song is as wretched as most I've reviewed for Farce the Music and it is also pretty lame. I needed three hours of Gaithers on YouTube to scrub it from my ears. 

F



Jan 24, 2018

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Bebe Rexha/FGL "Meant to Be"

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, 
Reviews Bebe Rexha w/FGL "Meant to Be"

Florida-Georgia Line? I stopped their to take a piss one time. LOL, that gets me every time. Bebe Rexha? That sounds like "baby erection," which is disgusting. I imagine this song is pretty disgusting to. I wouldn't know - I didn't listen too it. 


Look, as much as I hate country radio now, I used to listen to it back in the early 2000's before it got all metrosexual and whatnot. So, I get tired of all these pop singers putting songs on country radio and all these damn "country" jackoffs putting out pop songs. I mean, stop shooting a dead horse. That shit ain’t country. It’s pop or white boy hip hop. Or white girl in this case.


Two be fair, this chick is pretty hot. I'd bay bay her rexha if you know what I mean. But that don't matter, cause her music sucks. I haven't listened to it, but all pop music is shit. Ask me if I like any pop music? No sir. Not even the Beetles. Their shit.
Luke Bryan, who's she?

Those so called men should be ashamed to call themselves country and radio stations should be ashamed to play there music and call it country! Their ain't nothing country about this song even though I've never heard it. It's just too ballsacks and one pop princess singing a love song about how much they miss Obama or something. I ain't down with that, son!



If you like this song you probably eat Tide Pods on the way to the Women's March while kneeling for the anthem. I mean that. There disrespecting country music which is the same as burning a flag on my mama's kitchen table while praising Satan, as far as I'm concerned.

Nov 27, 2017

Album Review: Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – Who Built The Moon?


This is a review of Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds' 2017 album Who Built the Moon, reviewed by Robert Dean

by Robert Dean


Nope. Don’t even try. Please stop and get Oasis back together.


Fin.


Nov 13, 2017

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan Reviews Walker Hayes "You Broke Up With Me"



Walker Hayes - You Broke Up With Me

Been a while, but I'm back to review yet another stupid ass mainstream country song. This one looks like a doozie. I say 'looks like' because their ain't no way in hell I'm listening to a song with lyrics about swagger and crashin' parties. There ain't nothing country music about being a hip hopping white boy. 



I looked this dude up on Google and he's old. Like what the hell? I'm 12 years younger then him and I don't even understand half of the lyrics. I would have to hit up Urban Dictionary for that. I half expect one of these lines to be secretly about a sexual encounter featuring a roll bar and a can of Axe.

This ain't called country, It's called commercialism Pretty music same thing with rap-so called music. This modern music is for the dump.


I'm tired of people ruining MY DAMN COUNTRY music. I went to a Shooter Jennings concert the other night and he had a keyboard up on stage. As soon as I seen it, I put my jacket back on, walked out the door and pissed on his tour bus. Damn sell out, even he's going liberal loony left snowflake like Brad Pasely. There not just messing up country there messing up are country!

It's a fact country music is dead been dead for a wile all we have now are ball cap wearing want to b rappers that suck. Accept if you no wear to look! I've got plenty of real BY GOD country music on my phone like Hank 3, Dick Scratch and the Shriveled Nutsacks, and David Alan Cole!!! 

So let's all get together and call this "song" what it is. A big old pile of shit. 


Jul 5, 2017

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Luke Combs' "When It Rains It Pours"


You can listen to this vulgar song here if you choose.

The fact that this song is actually pretty catchy and nobody's lying to you about it being a country song, since it is a country song, should not fool you into thinking it's a worthy thing to listen to. There are so many sins in this song, it made my face turn redder than a deacon caught in a beer barn.

First off, him and his lady friend aren't married but they're shacking up. You already know my feelings on this subject. Why be a pirate when you already got the booty?

This couple wakes up fighting on Sunday morning, so you know they didn't make it to the church services, which they both clearly need. At Holcomb Primitive Baptist Church, we welcome all sinners, even fornicators and hippy-hop music fans.

In the next portion of the song, after his girlfriend has left his pathetic butt, he proceeds to partake of gambling. While it is up for debate if this is specifically a sin, it is certainly the mark of a person who does not make good use of the sense God gave him. Some of our biddies, I mean ladies of the church, go to the bingo on Thursday nights and it is a questionable pursuit to say the least. Versie May Hanks spent a quarter of her monthly check on the infernal cards and was spotted taking home 5 go plates from the dinner on the grounds the next Sunday. For shame!

This is just the beginning of the carnival of fleshly pleasures this Mr. Combs takes part in in this evil song. There is even more gambling, there is drinking alcohol, and there is visiting the Hooters. I will confess that ol' Larry Lee has been in a Hooters once in his life. I won't go into detail, but it led to some deep prayer over the following days. That place is a den of sin clad in skimpy short pants and greedily priced chicken wings. Beware, good Christian!

In summary, this song is one of the most deviant I've heard in some time. Luke Combs needs to get his ample backside onto a church pew for repentance so he can change his sleazy, skanky ways. It is abhorrent. 

I give this song an F.

Apr 13, 2017

Carl Outlaw Reviews The Chainsmokers (ft. FGL) - Last Day Alive

Carl Outlaw Reviews The Chainsmokers (ft. FGL) - Last Day Alive

Listen hear if your stupid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b6T0W3aLBg

What the shit, Trailer? Why don't you review this crap yourself and let me have the good music? Their's no excuse for it at all.

Well, this is a supposed "song" and it's by somebody called The Chainsmokers and our favorite dumbass duo, Florida-Georgia Line. I don't even know who the Chainsmokers are and that's not a lie. I looked at there picture and can tell they suck. Supposably, they do EPMD music or something like that. If it ain't made by a real by-God instrument, than it's not really music. There smoking something alright, but it's not a chain!



Whats funny is FGL is so pop country you can't even tell any difference I bet. Their better be a steal guitar in your song, if you want me to listen to it!! Theses stupid motherf***ers don't even know what real music is.

I'm not going to listen to this but I imagine its about living it up before you get old or some bullshit like that. As if we don't know that. But hell, I'd rather sit in a room slapping my balls together for eternity then to "live it up" if it includes listening to this song even one time. Their's probably a rapper part of this song to and Ive been saying this for a long time!! You know what you get when you mix country with rap... Crap.


Country singers, even if there fake country singers like Bray and Randy or whatever there names are, shouldn't sing with pop music people. Any country artist who's ever preformed with a pop artist in world history is not REAL DAMN COUNTRY. I don't care who it is. I'll stick with meral haggard.


In summary, this song sucks and so do you if you like it and so does Trailer for telling me to review it. This is what's wrong with America!  Hey, country singers, sing about cheating women, drinking whiskey, and driving 18 wheelers, and not about dancing around in you're tight jeans and polishing the chrome. If you know what I mean.

Sep 15, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Chris Lane's "For Her"

Chris Lane - For Her

Who is Chris Lane? Why does he look like the cool youth minister who stands a little to close too the girls? This guy sucks I can tell just from looking at him. Like Aaron Lewis says "that ain't country!"

I actually listened too a few seconds of this song and I hated it. His hair makes me want to cut all mine off so I have one less thing in common with this tool. It look like he got dressed at the mall walking from Holister to American Eagle to some other goofy ass pretty boy store. Stupid idiot. If all your doing in country music is trying to make girls like you you aren't country.  IN HIS WILDEST DREAMS WILL HE EVER QUALIFY COUNTRY STATUS.



I read the lyrics and their dumb to. What do you expect? Its more crap about riding around with a girl. It's a bunch of wussy mess that any red blooded American mail should be embarrassed to be caught dead listening too! If you have to listen to this in your ride to impress a girl, I''d rather buy a blow up doll. 




"She's got a laugh like confetti" is one of the lyrics. What the shit does that mean? Does she spray spit every where when she laughs? If so, she might not have any teeth. Is she really worth making a wimp of yourself for? Can you really sing, Chris? Or why do you have to kinda rap and do auto tune? Country music comes from the heart. Rap comes directly from the anus.



This song is terrible and if you listen too it let me know so I can unfollow you on Twitter if I had a Twitter account. If you like it you suck! Would you believe me if I told ya I have no clue who Luke Bryan is?

Jul 26, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Luke Bryan's "Move"

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan,
Reviews Luke Bryan's "Move"

I think Trailer is punishing me for not writing many reviews this year. This is probly the worst song that has ever been recorded. Not that I've listened too it. I don't get paid enough to listen too a Luke Bryan song. In fact, God could smite me on the road to Tuscaloosa and say "you must listen to Luke Bryan to get too Heaven" and I'd be on the first Greyhound to visit uncle Satan.


Merle, George, and Waylon should rise up and kick Lukes ass then go piss on those varies named Florida-Georgia Line. I would kick his ass but he's got a personal trainer so he probly can bench a little more than I can and I been down in my back a little. Still, he deserves a steeltoe in his anus for all what he's done to country music.

I guess I'll take a look at the lyrics and let you know what I think of them. HOLY SHIT! Trailer says I can't make homo-phobic jokes on Farce the Music or I'd put one right here:_____________________________. Just believe me - these lyrics are fruity as Toucan Sam. That's what thought to shoup the hell up. Probably lives in some high rise downtown condo lmao.



"Move like you do, All sexy and smooth" what the hell, man? Anybody knows that a real country man ain't gone talk to his woman like that. And he keeps spelling out words. His fans are to stupid too know how to spell? LOL. I'm not surprised. If your dumb enough to listen too pop country, theirs no telling how low you're IQ is.



In summeration, this is not a country song and it sucks ass. If you like it your stupid and our probly voting for Hillery Clinton lmoa. Get some real country in you're life like C0E and BO-CEPHUS AND TAMMY TUCKER!!! Luke Bryant is garbage. I'd rather fart in a gas fire then listen to his "music."

Jun 15, 2016

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Florida-Georgia Line's "H.O.L.Y."


Florida-Georgia Line - "H.O.L.Y."
(if you must hear this travesty, click here) 

 

I see these two numbskulls are still out here turning truth into lies. They said they were country. They lied. They're supposed to be singers, but they use new fangled computer technology to make their voices sound better. Lies. Now, they're perverting the Word of God. Is there no depths these idiots will sink to to add more cash to their coffers?

First of all, I thought this song was going to be an actual song about praising the Lord. That idea was stupidly based on the title, not the track record of these deviants. Why I'd think two dudes who've made a career out of singing about performing sexual acts on tailgates and kitchen sinks would suddenly repent, I do not know.

This song is about how this man worships a woman as if she was Jesus. That is as vile and repulsive a thing as I've ever come across since I found my son's booty magazines under his mattress when he was 16.  Have these two no souls? Only the Lord is holy. And his Son. And the Holy Ghost. And Sunday. And churches (except the Methodist ones).

What's not holy is the long haired one singing "let me lay you down, give me to ya." I might be old school and unworldly, but I know good and well that means giving her the ol' dirty deacon. I don't want to hear about or have to think about this scraggly looking purveyor of filth having sexual intercourse ever, much less in a song that clearly references spiritual matters. What sickness must reside in the heart of someone who'd tarnish the eternal with tush tapping. Away from me, sinner!

In summary, Mr. Hubbard and Mr. Kelley may as well stand in a baptismal naked, smoking reefers, looking at pornography, burning a flag, while shouting obscenities, as put out a song like this. The only difference is the first one will get you arrested.

Get right, people! The trumpeters are polishing their brass. The horsemen are saddling their steeds. The seals are 'bout to bust open wide.

F

May 6, 2016

Album Review: Larry Hooper - No Turning Back

Larry Hooper's No Turning Back surprised me. I did not expect the bearded everyman troubadour to go the routes he chose. It's a bold statement, and one that may lose him dedicated fans, but gain a whole new audience, or probably not. Normally, I'd vaguely summarize an album in the opening paragraph before delving into its contents, but I don't want to spoil anything …so lets dig in.

"Daydreams" leads off the album with a funky hip-hop beat that bass drops into a nu-metal sounding guitar riff. Larry then comes in with a "yeah baby" and you know this isn't going to be anything you might enjoy. The song is about working all day long, but daydreaming about skidding your pickup into your girl's drive at 5 after 5 with a 6 pack and all the romantic notions of a horn-dog 17 year old. It's an interesting about-face for the formerly thoughtful Texan, but hey, bills don't pay themselves.

"Cry Me a River" is, yes, a cover of Justin Timberlake's smash hit. While lacking the smooth pipes of Mr. Timberlake, Larry makes the song his own. In fact, he has the audacity to lead into the song with the statement "I wrote this for all them girls done me wrong." Legalities and copyright aside, Hooper proceeds to rap the entire song. He's a surprising adept rhyme dropper.

Later on, in the song "Practice Makes Perfect," a rollicking hick-hop track about shooting stuff, a strange thing happens. Though the track-listing says Courtney Patton is the vocal guest, there's actually just a slowed down sample of Rihanna's "Work." Again, I'm not sure this is legally on the up and up. It also doesn't really make sense, but Larry's trying everything here.

Help me
"I Was Wrong" is a folk-ska song that sounds a little like a Cure cover band with your uncle Mark doing lead vocals. Incongruently, the song is about Larry reconsidering his opinion of Linkin Park. I don't even know what's going on anymore.

"Fire and Brimstone" turns out to be a black metal re-imagining of the album's 4th track, the aggressively bro-country "Barabbas." I'm a little worried for my friend. Larry seems to have taken a cue from Zac Brown Band and decided to fling everything he can think of against the wall, hoping for some traction. Unfortunately, the wall is teflon coated and he's slinging Astroglide.

Though Hooper tries very hard, it doesn't all work, or rather, none of it works at all. From the veiled references to Star Wars porn parodies, to the spoken word asides about sweatbands, to the inexplicable constant profanity, No Turning Back is an absolute dumpster-fire-nado that will remove the better part of an hour from your life with no positive return. Lets hope Larry goes back to the intelligent folk-tinged country he's known for on the next try, but I have my doubts anyone will help kickstart his next effort after this raging inferno of batshit. No turning back indeed.



 ---------------------------

If brave, you can buy No Turning Back on iTunes, CD Baby, or Amazon.

May 5, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Sturgill Simpson's New Album

I've heard some people calling Sturgill Simpson's new album a sellout. I'm one of those people I've heard saying that. Why Sturgill Why?

You had such a good thing going with the REAL DAMN country music, and you went and did this? Their's horns on here! Lots of them. Horns are not country. I mean, at least you don't have any record scratching or 808 beats, lol. But still, I'd rather here Sturgill put out the same album over and over then have to listen to this one more time.

Who the hell is Luke Bryan? I'll stick to the true Country Artists! Just had to get that out of the way for this review. I'd rather listen to myself being shot point blank in the face with a 12 gauge than listen to a Luke Bryan song. Yes, I mean that. I would rather die then spend 3 minutes of my life unhappy.




Back to Sturgill. I feel betrayed. Its nice he wrote some songs for his son or whatever, but ain't it bad parenting if you don't teach you're kids to listen to just COUNTRY DAMN music? I don't remember if I heard any steal guitar on here or not, because I tried to block the whole thing out of my memory then I poured bleach in my ears.



I mean this isn't as bad as Florida-Georgia Line, I don't think so anyway.. because I've never heard them but there terrible. This is just not good. Theirs a difference. FGL can't turn around and record a song that sounds like Waylon tomorrow, Sturgill can. And he should. I'm pretty pissed off about it. Life is about finding a spot that fits you and staying right the hell there. Why rock the boat?



I'm worried, Sturgill. Since you decided to do a album of Usher songs like this, maybe your gonna change it up again next time and sing about trucks. Don't do it. Don't make me angry, you won't like it of I am angry!

Mar 3, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Sam Hunt's "Make You Miss Me"

Sam Hunt - Make You Miss Me


Sam Hunt, Mike's brother, has a new song out and it sucks like all of them. He's not even country music but they play him on the country station, are so I've been told. I don't listen to that shit. If I was getting a mouth hug from a hottie and a mainstream country station was on in the background, I'd say "hold up baby, gotta turn this shit off."

He's singing about making a girl miss him, or at least I assume that's what its about judging by the title. It's not like I'm gonna listen to this poop. I bet he's rapping the verse and singing the chorus. Sam Hunt might not be a douche bag but he's definitely a tampon. 


Anyone who raps or sings like these freaks dosnt belong to country. "Whoa Whoa" is one of the lyrics. You don't wanna make it to hard for these morons to understand, right? Their all idiots! Later is says something about a slip knot. I hope thats too hang himself with for destroying country music! You should be a shamed Sam Hunt. My grandaddy didn't fight in the battle of Birmingham for you to be able to do this. (He beat up some John Denver fans in Birmingham one time)


Sam Hutt, Luke Bryant, the Florida Georgia Band.  I can honestly, and proudly, say I have no idea who those guys are. But I know there all terrible and if Waylon was alive he'd make sure his boot didn't miss Sam's ass.


My idea for a New song for the current line up of so called "CW" singers. "Who's Gonna Fill Their Panties" ?


Stop it Sam Hunt. Get out of my face.

Feb 4, 2016

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Old Dominion - Snapback


Old Dominion - Snapback

This song starts out poorly and descends further into the depths of hades from that point. I believe it opens with what's known as a "pick up line," but it seems to be one that would be ineffective on any female outside a street walker. This man is a sexual pervert and also lacks tact, an unfortunate combination that speaks to his sinful nature. For the wages of sin is death!

Actually, this whole song seems to be one long pick-up line written by someone whose experience with females is limited to viewing them through a steamed up bedroom window. I believe my CSI shows would say this fits a profile for a serial killer. Mr. Old Dominion should be watched.

In Matthew, Jesus says to love your neighbor as yourself. This fella wants to love the girl of his desire in a manner that is cheap, tawdry, horny, and impatient. He could do that with his computer tablet at home looking at the porno and not subject this woman to his vulgar desires. Flee from sin!

This song is called "Snapback." I had to use the Googles and find out what that means and it seems to be what we used to call a hat. I think young people just sit around and think up different names for stuff to be rebellious and "cool." I have many of these supposed snapbacks, but mine feature farm implements, largemouth bass, and Branson. I imagine this young lady's hat says Kardashians Are My Idol or Goochi Couture or something. She's not exactly presenting the most Godly image with her get up. Make up and tattoos and cut off blue jeans would have her spoken of harshly among the hens, uh, ladies of my congregation.

Like most "country music" these days, there is little that can be spoken of as country or music in this garbage. We're not headed to Hell in a handbasket, we are being flame roasted in the middle of burning wicker. It's not too late though! Jesus can bring his fire extinguisher of grace and douse the inferno if we only turn from songs like this "Snapback." Seek Glory!

This song gets an F!

Dec 2, 2015

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Chris Stapleton - Nobody to Blame

Chris Stapleton - Nobody to Blame

For the first time ever, I actually listened too a song Trailer wants me to review. I mean, with everybody getting their underdrawers wet over this Stapleton fella, I figured I needed to hear what's got 'em so hot and bothered.

"Nobody to Blame" sounds okay, I guess. Their's some stuff in they're that reminds me of Waylon a little bit. Dude can sing like a motherf****r, can't anybody deny that. It's still to damn poppy for me. Theirs a bass line in there that makes me think of the booty club I drive by going to the bar on Friday night's. Whats up with that? If I wanna listen too 2 Live Crue, I'll put on some Hoochie Mama and get lit tho. By the way, I've never heard a Florida-Georgia Line song, I only listen to real damn music.


But this is suppose too be country music. Baselines are stupid in real country music. Its just supposed to be a guitar and a fiddle and maybe a jug. Anyway, I thought this song was not terrible like George Straight or Puke Bryant when I listened to it. That's where things got interesting though.

Chris Stapleton's wikipedia page says he's a songwriter. Okay, thats fine. Some morons can't write there own songs; I get it - their lame, but I get it. But it also says he wrote songs for Thomas Rett, Gary Alan, Derrius Rucker and Kenny Chesney and Luke Bryant too. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now I'm pissed and I call Trailer and cuss him out! He tricked my ass.


Anybody who writes songs for those jokers is a fake and a fraud. Their killing country music and we need to save it some how. Chris is about as country as a ISIS sex orgy, or a Maroon 5 dildo, or Kim Kardasheein's ass. Chris Stapleton should call me and apologize. Somebody who does one thing in public but hides there secret life is a lying bastard. I'm pretty sure that's in the Bible.


Go pull your tricks on gullible bloggers and fake country fans, Mr. Stapleton. You're beard and long hair ain't fooling me. Your a sheep in wolf's clothing and your destroying country music one shitty song at a time. I don't care how much "talent" you have and how many "smart critics" think you're the shit, I think your shit. What a freaking idiot to real country music this guy is!

I'll be over here listening to badass music like Jamey Johnson. At least he'd never sell out!

Oct 22, 2015

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Maddie & Tae "Shut Up & Fish"

Trailer likes these girls for some reason and so do a bunch of other wusses who want to give any singer with real instruments a pass and say their alot closer to real country then other stuff on POPCUNTRY radio. Who cares? Do you want a cookie for not rapping in you're damn song?

I never liked Maddy & Tay, never will. They suck. I don't care if they sang a song making fun of "bros," it was all for the money. They do not deserve any thought. At the end of the day there still shitty pop country. The only chicks singing real country now is NOBODY. Take your Kacey Musgrove and your Ashly Monrow and shove em up your ass with Taylor Swift as far as I'm concerned. They ain't never drove a big rig or worked a tug or plowed a row, so don't talk to me about them bein' country. Loretta Lin was the last real woman country singer cause she raised a mess of kids in a shack and whooped her husband's ass all the time.



Now, lets get into this song. LOL right. As if I'm listening to this. It's called "Shut Up and Fish" so you know its some corny bullshit from the title alone. Brad Paislay called, girls, he wants his career of making dumbass joke songs in to big hits back. Ya'll so-called bloggers and critics just get bent all out of shape over some girls singing with a tiny little drawl and being cute and whatnot. It's a smoke screen and a smoke show. Their hot, nobodies denying that. But that and $1.29 will buy you a Steel Reserve to wash the thought of this crappy song out of you're mind!



It just goes to show you my great taste in country music. I have never heard of Luke Bryan before this month. I don't know what that has to do with this song; theres just a nagging in the back of my brain to say that every day if I have the chance. 


Anyway, somebody call me when Maddey and Taye grab a washboard and a jug and get real. And I don't mean start a jug band, I mean wash my clothes and bring me a drink, LOL. Keep it country!

Sep 9, 2015

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Alan Jackson's "Jim and Jack and Hank"

Alan Jackson, are you kidding me? This tall jackass, along with Bored Strait, and Girth Brooks are what destroyed country music! Trailer, if you don't get me some Hank 3 to review soon, I'm gone kick you're ass! Remember when Alan Jackson did that song about 9/11. Stupid. He didn't even have the stones to say that Building 7 was clearly a controlled demolition! I can never respect him for that!

"Jim and Jack and Hank" is the name of this song and those are all things I love, so maybe I'll at least listen to a verse this time. Wait, what the ffff? Is this "Achy Breaky Heart" lmao? Why would you wanna have a song that sounds like the dude who created Miley? This is terrible. "I became a little sad and called up my old dad" this shit is terrible. That's why I only listen to REAL country.


Florida-Georgia Line might suck but at least they don't pretend to be some kind of traditional country singer like this puke. I would spray a full can of mace in Alan's face. His music ain't that much different then Luke Bryan. It's all soft lady stuff for 40 year old suburban dads to pretend they are really country fans.

Your looking at real country.
Country + Rap = Crap. That doesn't really have anything to do with this song, but at least once a day, I feel the need to type that somewhere, usually on a Facebook post about how much Sam Hunt sucks.



 If anybody out their tries to tell you Alan Jackson is good country music and that his new song is better than what's on the radio at least, just tell them "stepping on a dry turd is better than stepping on a wet one, but that don't make it good." This is crap. Him and George Strait and Garth need to apologize to the ghost of Hank Williams. And than, he'd bitch slap them anyway!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails