Showing posts with label You Suck as a Music Fan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label You Suck as a Music Fan. Show all posts

Apr 28, 2015

You Suck as a Music Fan 6


You stopped being a fan when they sold their 10,000th album.

... you only go to concerts to talk to your friends and stare at social media. -@MarkDeskin

You think pedal-steel is a pick-up truck accessory... -Hannah Jo Lally

You incorporate Luke Bryan lyrics into your wedding vows. -Neal Grant

If you spell George's name Straight. -Michael Crabtree

You pirate the album then complain about its production values.

You only go to the merch table to ask for a free sticker. - @HonkyTonkQueen

You ask the merch guy if the album is on Spotify.

You judge an entire album based on hearing one or two songs. -Andrew Lacy

You find all your new music by Shazam'ing songs from WWE promotional videos.

You encourage 3 minute drum solos by cheering the whole time. -Christina Maccini
You don't know anyone else's name in the band besides the lead singer. -Cheyenne Wolf Abilene

The next morning, you have to ask your friends what the band played.

If you consider countdowns as the bar for good music. -Kenny Daniel

If you think Lie Baby is a Brantley Gilbert song. -Ben Ryan

You think Louis Armstrong was that guy who doped up and won the Tour De France "a lot of times." -Barry Toffoli

You had a terrible night because your phone ran out of space for videos.

You think Shinedown's version of "Simple Man" is better than the original. -Mark Breunig

You treat a live band like your personal jukebox. -@UncleLeonAlibis

You don't clap for the live band but you'll "check in" at the venue on your iPhone. -Lee Kelley

You ask to be on the guest list. -Trey Newman

The only song you recognize is the rap song playing over the monitors while the second band sets up.

You swapped Exile on main Street for 3 Garth Brooks albums. (I was young and stupid) -Matt Kidney
Jimmy Kimmel's crew interviews you during SXSW -James TreviƱo

FGL is your jam. -Westin Zamarippa

You've demanded a refund because the band didn't play the one song you know.

You use the phrase "but you've gotta admit that it's catchy." to justify a terrible song. -Taylor Smith

you respond to the question who's your favorite artist that you don't have one and you like whatever's  on the radio. -@AshleyAnnMusic

You go to your most favorite band's concert, but you get so drunk, the band has you thrown out (saw this at an American Aquarium show) -@maparriott

When you say "the record store" and you mean "Walmart." -Mike Holcomb

You couldn't make the live show because you didn't have a bow-tie to match the current vibe of the band.
Your idea of discovering artists is from listening to mainstream radio -@Convictcharlie

You wear bedazzled jeans to a concert. And you're a dude. - @fher1286

You can only sing along to the last two hits.

a guy raps with a twangy, nasal drawl in double-time about a ba-donk-a-donk with some such colored Solo cup in a truck with ground effects and a 7 foot suspension lift with double-decker KC lights and a never-used Warn wench, rollin' down a dirt road, going to that lake at Old Man Johnson's farm, on a hot, summer night...over the dying pleas of a steel guitar and you don't literally get sick to your stomach. -Jay White
You talk through an entire acoustic set. -@BlondieInTX

You think Sam Hunt is a country singer.

If Willy Braun asks you to put down your phone. -Jodi Tidwell Bourne
You still buy Josh Abbott's music - @HonkyTonkQueen

You take MMA training in the winter and spring to prepare for the summer concert season.

You claim an artist is a "sell out" for selling Nashville something they wrote because YOU....
DONT go to shows
DONT buy the merch
and have
DOWNLOADED all their music for free. -Angela Jolene

All your band shirts came from Target.

you know the pants size of the jeans the artist fits in to, but you're unsure of what the last single was. -Danielle E. Bowers
You think the Possum is a pesky critter and the Hag is merely your mother-in-law. -Mike Pollard

You smuggle in Bud Light to a a can. -Scott McGuffie

Mar 22, 2012

You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 5

If the only song you like on The Hunger Games soundtrack is the Maroon 5 track

If you think Rascal Flatts is real country music or that Eric Church is a real country music outlaw. - Mitch Norris from FB

If you only go to concerts to sit on your boyfriend's shoulders and show your tits.

If you think the members of Rascal Flatts are men. - Matthew Waga from FB

If you frequently defend the honor of your favorite singer on blogs and message boards - using bad grammar, name-calling and misspelled words.

You stand in the back or the merch table at shows because you think you're too cool or too important. - @cmaccini88

If you have any Brantley Gilbert lyrics tattooed on your body.

If you don't know the importance and influence of Woody Guthrie on American music. - Amy Stillwell Hiser from FB

If you have NO live cuts on your music player. - Kody Mac from FB

If you didn't like Johnny Cash until rappers started mentioning him.

If you request Taylor Swift songs from a female singer-songwriter. - Thomas McAleer from FB

If your favorite rapper has three names and the middle one is "Flocka."

If you've ever been in a fistfight at a Colt Ford show. (or if you've BEEN to a Colt Ford show)

If you namecheck Waylon and don't have a clue who Roy Acuff is (Looking at you Brantley Gilbert) ;) - Rodney Smith from FB

If you drink Bud Light. - Bryan Childs (@autopsy4) from FB

If you request Wagon Wheel, Freebird, Carney Man or anything by Kenny Chesney/Toby Keith at every show you go to, regardless of who's on stage. - Melissa Galvan from FB

If you won't listen to it unless Pitchfork gave it a 8.0 or better.

If you were one of the people watching the Grammy's that tweeted, "Who's Paul McCartney??" - Lee Kelley from FB

If you only listen to bands that radio stations in MS play all day. - @petermicah

If "Your Body is a Wonderland" really speaks to you.

If you've ever referred to the Akins family as "Country Music Royalty" - @ohbuffalo

If you think Whitney Houston (rest her soul) wrote "I Will Always Love You." 

If u refer to #redsolocup as an anthem. - @ecaxshowcattle

If you post Jason Aldean lyrics over pictures of nice scenery on Tumblr.

If you've played Brantley Gilbert on the jukebox...or anywhere. - @Evans_GW

If you think @blackberrysmoke is a type of weed. - @ohbuffalo

If you go to a concert to socialize and drink rather than to listen to music. Corollary: You think it's boring when an artists just stands there and sings. (e.g. Strait, Jackson, etc.) - Andrew Lacy from FB

If you only like rappers with a criminal record.

If in the middle of their ask "who are these guys" - Paul Munjoy from FB

If Coldplay is your favorite indie band.

If you have to tell everyone in the crowd how the band changed your life and somehow write songs about you - @nolimitcattleco

If you send your friends pics from the Brantley Gilbert concert, assuming they care - @_redassassin_

Oct 26, 2011

You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 4

As always, thanks to some of my Twitter followers for providing their own #yousuckasamusicfanif ideas. I won't sign off my support on a couple of them, but I do appreciate the responses!


• You're over 22 and a Brantley Gilbert fan

• You prefer Weezer's recent output to their first 2 albums

• You make a comment on this post arguing that it's okay to be over 22 and a Brantley Gilbert fan

• you have a Brantley Gilbert tattoo
- @IanKEvans

• The only legally purchased music you get is at Christmas and birthdays

• You're only into "old school" rap like "Master P and Nelly"

• you don't know who James McMurtry is...
– @theblakeolson

• You wear a giant cowboy hat to a concert where there's assigned seating

• if you don't listen to @buckcherry
- @_Linda1

• You love Godsmack, but you think Alice in Chains is just the title of a porn movie

• You've ever passed out at the concert of your "like, favorite band ever"

• you don't know who Bruce Robison, Billy Joe Shaver or Guy Clark are.
- @slingblade322

• You have dreadlocks …but are not of Jamaican descent

• you don't like @TaylorRHicks! The man is all soul-whoohoo!
- @indigo81067

• You think Jimmy Wayne would be pretty good if he didn't have such a country twang

• you think Widespread Panic is awesome
- @imakehits2

• You've said "Hunter Hayes is the future of country music" without a frown on your face

• You have any respect whatsoever for Curb Records

• You have ever defended Chris Brown's honor

• the biggest factor in you liking a band is whether they're from Texas or not. - @ryandatkinson

• if you Tweeted this: @geereynolds "Chris Brown is god."

• you don't throw up in your mouth a little every time you see or hear the name Clear Channel
- @slingblade322

Jul 31, 2011

You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 3

...if you sang "Independence Day" on Independence Day.

...if you constantly yell out the name of the band's biggest hit at the concert, like they won't get around to that.

...if you can tell the difference between all the "I'm country, by damn" anthems.

...if you think Bobby Bare is a porn star.

...if you created an entire Tumblr thread trying to call out @Farcethemusic

...if you hate country AND western.

...if you've ever gotten in an argument over whether Jason Aldean or Brantley Gilbert is the better country singer. keep posting pictures and excited status updates from the Chenny Kesney show

...if "Chicks Dig It" is your theme song.

...if you only buy complete albums if "greatest hits" is in the title.

...if you're the only dude at the show with his girlfriend on his shoulders. And she's just up there to show her tits.

...if you're front row and don't know the band you're watching, while they're filming for a music video

...if you're okay with the band leaving the stage due to birds pooping on them.

...if you just love Kris Kristofferson's work. He was awesome in Blade!

...if you never show up for the opening band

...if you've skipped out on Gregg Allman for Buckcherry at a festival.

...if Colt Ford is your favorite rapper.

...if you think the band Husker Du has something to do with Nebraska football.
...if when asked if you like The Replacements, you start talking about the movie. Or, even worse, the cartoon.

...if you were so happy to see Charlie Rich win Celebrity Apprentice.

...if you love Willie Nelson only because you share a favorite relaxation pastime of his.

...if you claim to love the band, don't know a single song as all your gawkin at is the bass players package.

...if you wear an AC/DC t-shirt ironically.

...if everybody on your iTunes has a criminal record.

...if you think Doc Watson sent Marty McFly back in time.

Feb 6, 2011

You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 2

•If you don't read Farce the Music. - Jen Campbell :)

•If you iTunes goes Taylor Swift to Taylor Swift with nothing before, after or in-between. - Justin Tate

•You hate any genre based on preconceptions alone

•You download illegally. - Christina Maccini

•There are 3 or less genres listed on your iTunes

•You won't buy a song or album that doesn't have the "Parental Advisory" label

•You think Sugarland is awesome. - @xMusicSnob99x

•You've never listened to a complete album start to finish

•You only like Metallica's music from The Black Album on

•You try to convince Farce the Music that your favorite band is good after he bashes them. - @TheOtherBrit

•You never bother to check your favorite artists out live! - @RealityofLynn

•You read Farce the Music. - @Rockstar_Aimz

•…you suck as a music fan. - Richard Grantham

•You don't know who Guy Clark is. - Butch Baker

•You don't know who Roy Clark is. - Jen Campbell

•You tolerate the existence of Nickelback. - Chris Neal

•You feel the need to predicate the word "country" with a descriptor…"NEW country"…"ALT country"…yadayadayada!!! - Christine Vaillancourt (uh oh! that's me!)

•You don't know who Jimi Hendrix is. - Michael Quinn

•Alison Bonaguro is your "go-to" source. - Karen Em K

Jan 24, 2011

You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 1

Thanks to FTM's Twitter followers and Facebook friends for submissions to this feature. If you submitted something and don't see it here, it'll probably be on the next edition. We'll do it again sometime soon!

You Suck as a Music Fan if.....

•You skip the song because it has (live) at the end of the title

•You hung out in the parking log until Jamey Johnson's set was over so you could see Kid Rock. - @JennCampbell78

•You haven't supported the artists you've "acquired" music from by purchasing merchandise or attending shows

•You only go to the shows to be seen. - Christina Maccini

•You own a Kenny Chestnut album. (?) - Andy Grigas

•The only songs on your iPod are ones which have been on the weekly Top 100 in America list. - Taryn Flay

•You've ever thrown anything at a band or singer (with the intent to injure) at a concert, even Axl Rose

•If you yell requests during a show when they clearly are not taking requests - @Hooper

•You think Alan Jackson is the original artist of "Ring of Fire" - @amnoise

•You think Madonna is a copycat of Lady Gaga

•You have Jason Aldean lyrics as your Facebook status. - @AdamSheets08

•You competitive slow line-dance to Lady A's "Need You Now." - @kellytollett

•You can't name the writer of any of your favorite songs

•You think Eric Church is "edgy" and "an outlaw." -@ryanat82

•None of the artists you listen to go by their birth name

•If you think Chad Kroeger is a visionary

•You go to music festivals just to get drunk and make out with underage girls in the port-a-john


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