Showing posts with label Uncle Kracker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uncle Kracker. Show all posts

Dec 18, 2018

10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2018


1. Walker Hayes - 90s Country
Walker seems like a nice guy. He has kind eyes. I don't wanna harp on the guy, but as the youths of 2018 said "this ain't it." Most artists I don't care for show me at least one trait that makes me think they in some way deserve the success they've achieved. With Walker I'm not sure - he's nice? This song isn't nice. It barely qualifies as a song. It's certainly not country and bears no resemblance whatsoever to the 90s country songs it calls out, other than the fact that it uses the same words of the English language. This is bad. Embarrassingly bad. Somebody should hire Walker into marketing or management or artist development or something, because singing/songwriting doesn't seem to be his thing, and he seems like a swell fellow.

2. AJ McLean - Back Porch Bottle Service
Just stop. You're still making plenty off Backstreet Boys tours and their catalog of music, so leave the country music to the …uh, dudes who talk-sing about 'girls' over snap beats? Forget that part. Just know that this is subpar. Extremely subpar.

3. Keith Urban - Gemini
We (those of us who like actual pop-country that has a firm grip on the roots of country) lost Keith a long time ago and he keeps journeying farther into the ether with garbage like this. Stupid ass lyrics, soulless music ...and I'm just done with Nicole Kidman's husband. 

4. Parmalee - Hotdamalama
No trash talking is needed here.

5. Mitchell Tenpenny - Bitches
This guy sucks. I can't stand Kane Brown, but at least Kane's music occasionally puts on some country window dressing. Mitch here is pure pop music, or R&B lite, to be more exact. He sings like John Mayer with strep throat. Oh yeah, and he saw fit to foist a song about 'bitches' into the "country" world. Unfortunately for the world, it looks like 10cent is gonna be here for a while. 

6. Dustin Lynch - Good Girl
If I'm curiously listening to mainstream country radio (which is rare nowadays), as soon as I hear Dustin's voice, I'm out, and this song's the biggest offender. Pointless drivel. Not even gonna get into his missed potential - that's all in the past. Lynch is pop music for teenage girls who change the station from "Mo Bamba" when their dad walks into their room to make sure they're doing homework.

7. Mitchell Tenpenny - Drunk Me
See #5 but this one was a hit single. This guy is the worst.

8. Dylan Scott - Hooked
He might look 39, but he's 29 and despite the fact that he's been trying at country radio for 4 years now, somebody saw fit to vote him one of the New Faces for next year's CRS conference. Nothing to see here. Just cookie cutter BS from a tall dude who gets comments on YouTube like "hes ssooooosssoooo hotttt."

9. Sam Hunt - Downtown's Dead
I don't care for Sam's music, but at least most of his previous songs had something of a catchy melody. This is ear torture. I'd rank it higher (lower?) but it was such a flop, Sam stayed on hiatus. That's a nice silver lining and drops this tune down the rankings. 

10. Uncle Kracker - Floatin'
He's Uncle Kracker.

May 10, 2012

I'm Sorry, This Exists 5

Taylor Swift Guitar Hero Cover
Chris Brown wife beater. No really.

Blake Shelton Hand Sketch T-shirt

Luke Bryan "Boom Boom" T-shirt

Brantley Gilbert Confederate Flag (only $200!!)


Kid Rock Pillow

Uncle Kracker Peyote Bracelet

Luke Bryan Is Life Tumbr Fansite

Tim McGraw "Southern Voice" Denim Jacket
A little class for that ass

Jan 12, 2012

Snap Judgements - Promo Only Country Radio January '12

Like I've said before, Trace's songs are usually gold nuggets or turds. This one actually falls somewhere in the middle, for the first time in a while. The lyric resembles something I'd have written back in my aspiring lyricist days. Which is to say, a decent idea with a few good lines thrown in, but doesn't have much new to say. The tune is kinda unmemorable.. okay, very. Trace's general charm will probably lift this into the top 20, but it doesn't sound like a smash.

Why he (actually, our old friends the LoCash Cowboys wrote it) chose to give it a grammatically incorrect title is beyond me. That's the only thing really different about this song from his last 20 singles. You not gonna be surprised by the formula: anthemic guitars, plucking banjo, uplifting lyrics, female friendly subject matter, foot-tapping beat, solid guitar solo. That's Keith's career in a nutshell. Nothing offensive here - completely catchy and totally interchangeable with most of his other songs.

David Bradley - If You Can't Make Money
"If you can't make money/make out with somebody/if you can't make money/make love"… that's the gist and it goes no deeper. Nice sentiment, but I'd like to see it developed a little further. It's a tolerable song, but David's vocals aren't particularly distinctive. The cheesy crowd cheering at the end knocks this down half a grade.

Wow, she doesn't sound like Carrie Underwood for a change. And the instruments are all country.. the instrumentation, however is rocked up. Oh no, the chorus is half "oh -whoa-ohs." Not cool with me, almost ever. "We got homegrown in our genes" opens itself up for way too many jokes. Okay song, but the chorus destroys it for me. Oh yeah, and she name drops Jason freakin' Aldean. WTF?

Is this a Montgomery Gentry cover? Nope. Kracker's saying "America's my hometown" here, pandering to everybody, not just small town lovers. Tuscaloosa, New York, San Diego, everybody gets mentioned so hopefully every radio station will play it. This sounds like something of a hit, but it's pretty dull - one chord and the truth. On a positive note, Kracker's vocals are getting better. Nothing to see here.

Love and Theft - Angel Eyes
Is this a Jeff Healey Band cover? Nope. There's only two guys in the group now - so which one's love and which one's theft? Eh, really dull song. A Jeff Healey cover would have been better. "There's a little bit of devil in her angel eyes" ….who cares? Female friendly, for females who don't really care what they're listening to, anyway. Yawnz.

Rodney Atkins - He's Mine
Rock! Oh wait, country. But it's got a rocking swamp groove. Is this a declaration that he wants custody in the divorce? This is a tried-and-true Rodney Atkins formula tune… several story snippets framed by an interlocking chorus that fits each scenario. Not as godawful as some of his recent singles, but meh.

George Strait - Love's Gonna Make it Alright
This was my least favorite song on George's new album at first, but it's grown on me. You would think George + repetitive chorus would = boring, but it doesn't here. It's kinda cheesy, but he can do whatever he wants at this point and it'll sound just fine. 

This started with some promise with a little well-defined regret in the lyric, but it's all downhill from there. Crap. This is ready-made for a Glee episode. Schmaltzy show-choir girly junk. I was embarrassed someone might hear me listening to this. They make Lady Antebellum sound like Megadeth.

Billy Currington - Like My Dog
I kinda liked this the first time I heard it, but it never struck me as single-material. Still doesn't, but my opinion of it has dropped. The edits drive a nail into this song. What? You can't say "hell" on the radio now? If this promo only collection is any sign, 2012 will be the most neutered (see what I did there?) year ever in country music. Also, the dogs barking as censorship of the word "bitch" sounds like it was edited in on an old Emerson cassette tape recorder. Awful.

Craig Campbell - When I Get It
Another edit-out of "hell." Really people? Hell hell hell hell hell hell hell. Get over it. This song is a deep consideration of the times we're living in. Not really, but it does hit on the economic problems we're living through, with a bit of humor. It's okay, that's about all I can say about it.

Andy Gibson - Wanna Make You Love Me
This guy's voice has about as much grit as greased plastic. Sissy crap. I guess Andy noticed that Chuck Wicks wasn't on the scene and decided to jump into his namby-pamby slot. Wait, that sounded homo-erotic. Sorry, this utterly sucks. Jimmy Wayne could pound this guy into submission.

Levi Hart - We All Make Mistakes
Sound like an Uncle Kracker song at the start. More middle-of-the-road radio ready country. I've heard this guy is good, but this song wouldn't bear that out. The chorus is very nearly catchy, but not quite. The guitar work sounds canned. Boring. 

Sugarland with Matt Nathanson - Run
Do I have to? I like some of Matt's music. Not this. Can't Sugarland write an actual chorus anymore? If it wasn't for all the caffeine I'd consumed today, I'd be gone by now. If Zzzz was a grade, I'd give it to this song. 

This song isn't anything special, but at this point, anything with an actual melody sounds like a masterpiece. This one has one. The lyrics are unspectacular but the tune makes this listenable. Coulda been a hit in the late 90's. Not sure about now.

Toby Keith - Red Solo Cup (Album Version)
This is the one with the naughty bits. Testicles and whatnot. I guess I have to actually nail down my feelings about this song now… I've been beating around the bush because I don't know. I like a lot of the stupid lyrics. The chorus irks me because it's decidedly ramshackle and tossed-off, but an earworm none-the-less. Uh, well… 

Toby Keith - Red Solo Cup (Vegetables - Explicit)
This is the one where "testicles" is replaced with "vegetables." That's dumb. In a song this flimsy, it's enough to knock off a grade.

Toby Keith - Red Solo Cup (Bleeped - Explicit)
This is the one where "testicles" is replaced with "whoop!" Even dumber. 

Nov 8, 2011

I'm Sorry, This Exists 3


Brantley Gilbert-o-Lantern

Mickey Gilley Piano Key Nylon Jacket

Taylor Swift Thong Sandals

Conway Twitty Tribute Pistol

Phil Vassar Black "Hot Shorts"

Uncle Kracker Diecast Stockcar

Outlaw Country Ain't Dead Eric Church Shirt

Nov 29, 2010

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio December 2010

The weather's getting cold and gray and so are the singles. Not a lot of up-tempos to be found. Normally that'd be fine with me - a welcome break from the happy happy joy joy - but too much of the same gets old. If this is a look into the music of the next month or two, load up on Red Bulls till spring. No Four Lokos though, please!

*click the links for listens of each song*

Josh Turner - I Wouldn't Be a Man
I've heard this before, but it's been a while so at least it's a "fresh ears" judgment. This is a nice cover of the 1989 Don Williams hit. I still prefer the original, but this is very strong.

Loretta Lynn, Miranda Lambert and Sheryl Crow - Coal Miner's Daughter
The inclusion of Crow here is baffling to me and she adds little, but this isn't a bad take on the classic. Miranda is a perfect fit and Lynn is in superb voice.

Meh. Bunch of boring inspirational platitudes. I've been more emotionally moved reading Hallmarks in the Target greeting card aisle. Don't call it a comeback; this is flat-out terrible.

Why mess with perfection? The original was much better; in fact, I prefer Dwight Yoakam's excellent cover to this. Pianos and crashing guitars do nothing for my 2nd favorite Elvis tune. Pointless.

The Harters - If I Run
This is a pleasant enough swelling pop country ballad in the vein of Lady Antebellum and Gloriana, but it's nothing new or remotely memorable.

Kenny Chesney - Somewhere With You
People complaining about all of Chesney's "reminiscing" songs and beach anthems, take heed. This isn't one of those. It's also a different sound for Kenneth... AAA. Decent, but after it hits #3 or so on the charts and drops, nobody will request it again.

Little Big Town - Kiss Goodbye
Speaking of Gloriana, this also sounds like them. I had to check the display to make sure it wasn't. Eh, I expect better from LBT, though the chorus is pretty moving.

This sounds like a country take on "Dock of the Bay," but more boring. Lee should branch out a little; this is too much in the same pocket as his previous hit... whatever that was called. Dull dull dull zzzz...

This is well written and decently sung. Less than I hope for from Allan though. He really needs to step it up before he becomes a B-List afterthought. Admittedly, all these low key songs are negatively coloring my perception of the individual tracks on this comp, but...

Jamey Johnson - Playing the Part
One of the less exceptional cuts from The Guitar Song is still better than most everything else on this collection. It's probably too late for this song to make a dent in the charts, but it would be a breath of fresh air amongst the Flatts and Swifts.

Billy Currington - Let Me Down Easy
Billy's got such a good, good voice. This is a simple (low key) break-up song that brings nothing new or exciting to the table, but it's got some indefinable "it" factor going for it. And that voice...

The Randy Rogers Band - Steal You Away
I reviewed this song here.

Brett Eldredge - Raymond
I've heard a lot about this song, but this is my first time to hear it. Alzheimer's has been dealt with in country music before, but not this effectively. Brett's voice is fresh and emotive, a strong baritone. "Raymond" pulls all the right heartstrings, but you never feel like it's taking advantage of your sympathies. This is one of the strongest debut singles since Currington's "Walk a Little Straighter."

Simple and effective, but maybe too simple to find a large audience. I want good things for this talented duo/couple, but they're going to have to release harder hitting singles to make it in this market.

Mark's voice isn't unique, but it's solid enough. The song is 90s sounding, well-written, but again... low key... and I'm drooling on my desk at this point. Must all winter releases be yawners?

Uncle Kracker w/Kid Rock - Good to Be Me
Here's an anomaly. A more upbeat, summery track in the midst of all these gray skies. Sure it's Uncle Kracker, but this is every bit as "country" as nearly every other song here. And I like it... it's a guilty pleasure. Bouncy, singable and possibly released at the perfect time to be alternative programming to all these other party poopers. Bite me; it ain't bad.

Christian Kane - The House Rules
Apparently this guy is on some TV show I've never seen before. Whatever. He reminds me of Blake Shelton a little. This song is way more upbeat than most of the previous tunes. Wait... "you know they're gonna show 'em if they got 'em"?? This is pretty risque for the format. Oh no, a crowd sing-along at the end. That's a full letter grade off. Mmmm, not sure if I like this a ton, but it could be a hit.

Sarah Darling - With or Without You
A U2 cover... pretty cool. Glad it wasn't a cover of "Lemon." She's got a sweet voice. She better wail at the end with the "oh oh oh's" though. As low key winter releases go, this isn't bad at all. Don't care for the backing vocals much. A male contrast would have sounded better there. Ugh, no "oh oh oh's"! Letter grade off. Pretty good, but the song had no high point to really set it off.

Aug 25, 2010

Country Doppelgängers 7

Rachel Reinert of Gloriana looks a little like Eva Mendes.

Jeff Bates w/soul patch looks a lot like Garth Bro... err, Chris Gaines.

Jeff w/o soul patch also looks like Matt Kennon or vice versa.

Uncle Kracker and Snow.



Related Posts with Thumbnails