Showing posts with label Joe Diffie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joe Diffie. Show all posts

Aug 2, 2019

The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country

A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer
Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…

10. Joe Diffie
Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.
Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.

9. Suzy Bogguss
Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.
Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.

8. Wade Hayes
Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.
Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.

7. Patty Loveless
Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”
Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”

6. Pam Tillis
Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.
Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.

5. Ty Herndon
Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.
Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.
Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.

4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)
Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.
Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.
Stops in roundabouts.

3. Terri Clark
Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.
When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.
Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”

2. Trisha Yearwood
Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."
Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.
Against legalization, but always on that kush.

1. Jim Lauderdale
Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.
Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.
Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates. 
Wants to tour with Old Dominion.

*satire, obviously*

Apr 24, 2018

Borrowed Jokes: Conway, Pardi, Joe Diffie, Keith Urban

Music memes from around the webz; credited when possible.

"Pardi B"
From Brothers Osborne's Twitter account.

From @simcardcottam

From Country Music Memes 

From We Hate Pop Country

Aug 23, 2016

The SoBro Scavenger Hunt and Drinking Game

This is a Music Stash Contest Entry from Robert Groves.

The SoBro Scavenger Hunt and Drinking Game

Good luck, and may God have mercy on your souls.

1. There are 15 items on this list. You will have between the hours of 10 pm and Midnight on any given Saturday night in downtown Nashville to find and photograph each item on the list.

2. For every item remaining on the list after midnight, you must take a shot of fireball. The survival of your liver and dignity rely on your speed.

3. If at any time during the 2 hours you hear "Wagon Wheel" in any form, you must drink a tall can of PBR and start the list over.

The list:
1. More than 4 faddish modes of transportation lined up at a traffic light. 
(Pedal taverns, golf carts, hay rides, etc).

2. A shirtless homeless person.

3. A SoBro crab. (A person so intoxicated that they are no longer capable of walking forward and can only stagger sideways.)

4. A non-flat billed baseball cap

5. A street performer that looks like, or possibly is, Sturgill Simpson.

6. Someone throwing up out of an Uber or Lyft car.

7. A bachelorette foursome weighing less than 500 lbs.

8. The "trumpet guy" playing something other than When the Saints Go Marching In.

9. A bar bouncer without visible tattoos.

10. Any reference to Joe Diffie that isn't a horrible song by Thomas Rhett/Jason Aldean.

11. A "honky tonk bar band" playing a hip hop song.

12. Any Johnny Cash song besides "Ring of Fire" or "Folsom Prison".

13. A telephone pole or piece of construction equipment being used as a stripper pole.

14. A rhinestone cowboy hat...on a guy.

15. Inappropriate cleavage (front or back) visible on a passing pedal tavern.

Aug 17, 2016

Hashtag Games: #wrestlingcountrysongs

WWF "Country Singer" Jeff Jarrett performs "With My Baby Tonight"
 Hashtag Games: #WrestlingCountrySongs

Thanks to our Twitter friends for helping out with this "hashtag game," combining wrestling-related stuff with country song titles. As you will see, @toomuchcountry had a lot of fun with this.

Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Luchadors

Take This Foot and Shove It (Up Your Candy Ass)

Feed Jake the Snake - @straitshooter13

Hello Walls of Jericho

All My Rowdy Friends Are Having a Cage Match Tonight

♫ Solie, Solie, Solie, Solieeeee / Please don't pin him just because you can ♫ - @toomuchcountry

Stand By Your McMahon  - @DHWritesCountry

Seven Spanish Announce Tables

Chill of an Early Fall Brawl

Will the Squared Circle Be Unbroken - @toomuchcountry

A Boy Named Shinsuke

Rated "DX"

Goodbye Earl Hebner

There Ought to Be a Lawler (by Billy "Smash Craddock) - @toomuchcountry

The Stone Cold Hard Truth

Sea of Heartbreak Kid - @Bocephus50

Smoky Mountain Reigns

Punjabi Prison Blues

Honky Tonk Man (no change)

Diamond Dallas Rings & Old Barstools - @toomuchcountry

She Thinks His Name Was John Cena

Bigger Than Breezango

Save A Horseman by Big and Tommy Rich - @toomuchcountry

Shawn Michaels Lost His Smile

Starrcades Over Texas

Cross Rhodes Anthem

Might As Well Get Stone Cold Steve Austin - @DHWritesCountry

Mississippi Moonsault

Whiskey Bent and Hell's Gate

Andre From Montgomery - @toomuchcountry

Kurt Angles Among Us

If We Make It Through December to Dismember

Stand By Your Mankind - @peliti27

Are You Sure Hulk Done It This Way?

Jul 5, 2013

Five Years of FTM - 5 Top 5's

Today, Farce the Music turns 5 years old. Thanks for sticking around and giving me the inspiration and reason to keep fighting the fight and hatin' the hate-worthy. Also, a big thanks goes out to Jeremy Harris, Kelcy Salisbury, Matthew Martin and others who have contributed to FTM in recent years/months!

As a small celebration, here are 5 new Top 5 lists... 2 serious, 3 seriously stupid.

Top 5 Most Common Injuries Suffered by Fla-Ga Line Fans
5. Sprained ankle from tripping on wallet chains
4. Cuts and abrasions from trying to scrape off misspelled tattoo
3. Broken fingers from punching radio when real country song comes on
2. Sliced fingers from broken (store bought) moonshine jars
1. Tetanus from doing the nasty in a rusty truck bed

Trailer's Top 5 Favorite Albums of All Time
5. The Rolling Stones - Exile on Main St.
4. Willie Nelson - Red Headed Stranger
3. Johnny Cash - At San Quentin
2. Son Volt - Trace
1. Guns n' Roses - Appetite for Destruction

Top 5 Potential Gilbert/Kramer Wedding Themes
5. Brass knux and butterflies
4. Ed Hardy
3. Pre-Antebellum vintage
2. Camo and Chrysanthemums
1. Trailer chic

Top 5 Best Songs of 2013 So Far
5. Son Volt - Angel of the Blues
3. John Moreland - Blacklist
1. Jason Isbell - Elephant

Top 5 Things Joe Diffie is Doing to Fit in
With Hick-Hop Culture
5. Sagging his Sansabelt jeans
4. Throwing "dawg" and "bruh" into everyday conversations
3. Putting a chrome brushguard and a roll bar on his 1975 Ford F100
2. Going heavy on the Acqua di Gio
1. Mixing his Ensure with Grey Goose

Jun 11, 2013

Little Known Facts: June '13

While Darius Rucker did not write "Wagon Wheel," he did help produce "Chinese Democracy" for Guns N' Roses.

Joe Diffie and Ronnie Dunn are recruiting a third member to join their new hick-hop outfit, Middle Aged and Cray Cray.

Make sure you check inside your Pepsi cans this summer. One lucky person will open a can with a life size Justin Moore cutout placed inside.

Colt Ford has never eaten the bones at Kentucky Fried Chicken but has swallowed an entire bucket of chicken twice.

If Blake Shelton's voice had the same inflection as his brain, he'd sing like Ben Stein.

Both members of Florida-Georgia Line thought Nelly was the chick from Little House on the Prairie before their "Cruise" remix, and they were still okay with it.

16-year-old girls love Jason Aldean and Jason Aldean loves (The remainder of this Little Known Fact has been deleted based on advice obtained from Trailer's lawyer)

Gary Levox puts his pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. He requires a hydraulic hoist but still does one leg at a time.

Pistol Annies' rumored break-up is being blamed on Ashley and Angeleena coming to the realization that Miranda actually talked them into singing backup on "Boys Round Here."

Billy Currington doesn't know the meaning of moderation. Seriously, he doesn't know the meaning of the word.

Thanks to (?) Jeremy Harris for most of these.


Related Posts with Thumbnails