Ashley McBryde / "Never Will" / Jimmy Kimmel Live

What Your Favorite 2020 Album Says About You Part 2

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Waylon Jennings - What Goes Around Comes Around

You have good taste, but are either convinced no good country music came out after 1979, or have suffered a lot of memory loss from the cocaine and pills.

Florida-Georgia Line - 6-Pack

You had never heard of Charley Pride until last week. You pronounce “EP” (which this is, not an album) as if it rhymes with “step.” You’re a contractor who only has negative reviews for driving like an a**hole.

Ashley McBride - Never Will

You are a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. Or you’re anybody else with an ear for worthy music, actually. It’s damn good.

Hardy - A Rock

You’re a 25-32 year old male who lost his identity once bro-country went out of fashion and you are so damn thankful you now have something new to crank out of your 2013 ragged-out Raptor with the fading “Lifted Cause Fat Chicks Can’t Jump” sticker.

The Chicks - Gaslighter

You forced yourself to believe this is a great album to fit in with the other trendy left-leaning country fans on Twitter. You’re not enthused with Joe Biden, and are even less enthused with me making you do a self-assessment of what you really think of this, The Chicks’ worst album by a long shot.

Luke Bryan - Born Here, Live Here, Die Here

The last book you read was The Hunger Games. You only have a “Blue Lives Matter” sticker on your car so you won’t get a ticket for going 60 in a 35 every day taking your kids to soccer practice. 

Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions

You are a sports writer. You frequently work “30-50 feral hogs” into everyday conversations.

Trapt - Shadow Work

You think the Covid vaccine is a Chinese ploy to seed the American population with mind control nanobots. You were one of the 12 people in attendance at Trapt’s most recent concert. You are the lead singer of Trapt. 

American Aquarium - Lamentations

You are not a pecan farmer. 

AC/DC - Power Up

This is the first album you purchased since AC/DC’s Black Ice. Your wife is tired of your vaping. You blame the pandemic for your weight gain, but you couldn’t fit in those size 36 Levi’s even last November.

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August 2020

A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-9) overall which is a 15 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). Not too surprising, since summer on country radio is for mindless beer truck boyfriend songs. The worst song is Florida-Georgia Line’s “I Love My Country” being slightly worse than Kane Brown’s “Cool Again.” The best song is Maddie & Tae’s “Die From a Broken Heart,” which finally hit number 1 after forever on the chart.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Honest Billboard Top 20 (if I hated literally all of them)

I don't literally hate all of these songs, just most.

Top Albums of 2020: First Half Report

1. Futurebirds - Teamwork

2. Mike & The Moonpies - Touch of You

3. Katie Pruitt - Expectations

4. Brandy Clark - Your Life is a Record

5. Gabe Lee - Honky Tonk Hell

6. Hill Country - s/t

7. Ashley McBryde - Never Will

8. Rookie - s/t

9. Jesse Daniel - Rollin’ On

10. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud

11. American Aquarium - Lamentations

12. Will Hoge - Tiny Little Movies

13. Hailey Whitters - The Dream

14. Reckless Kelly - American Jackpot/American Girls

15. Run the Jewels - RTJ4

16. The Secret Sisters - Saturn Return

17. John Baumann - Country Shade

18. Randy Rogers/Wade Bowen - Hold My Beer 2

19. Aubrie Sellers - Far From Home

20. Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions

21. Jaime Wyatt - Neon Cross

22. Caitlyn Smith - Supernova

23. Caleb Caudle - Better Hurry Up

24. Kyle Nix - Lightning on the Mountain

25. Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters

26. John Anderson - Years

27. Rich O’Toole - New York

28. Dalton Domino - Feverdreamer

29. Caitlin Cannon- The Trash Cannon Album

30. Steve Earle - Ghosts of West Virginia

*there are a few recent and forthcoming albums I haven't listened to enough to rank yet

**this is just Trailer's top 30 - year end list will include all FTM contributors

Simp Actually Enjoys Hearing Women Sing Country Music

Written By This Guy?

Ft. Lauderdale - A male country fan has confessed to actually liking country music performed by women. Florida panhandle man Harvey Christian counts himself a fan of Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, AND Ashley McBryde, among others. The simp finds their shrill and annoying voices somehow enjoyable. Really.

Studies by mainstream country research firms have proven time and again that female singers should only be the exception and not the rule when programming radio playlists. Tomatoes in the salad, if you will. And yet, this purported country music fan truly finds chick songs to be engaging and of artistic merit. P****-whipped! 

“The women sing about subjects of substance more often than their male counterparts,” said the wuss. “And even when their songs are light-hearted, I find them more engaging and memorable.” LOL, I guess he’s never listened to Dustin Lynch!

While other real men listen to stalwarts like Florida-Georgia Line, Luke Bryan, and Sam Hunt, Harvey-freaking-Christian is white knighting all over social media about how much he loves Margo Price and Mickey Guyton. It’s nearly certain he’s just trying to get into some liberal babe’s pants. We don’t buy it. 

“No, I’m happily married and my wife listens to jazz and pop so I’m not trying to impress anybody,” insisted the pansy. “I am telling you the gospel truth when I say that I truly find pleasure in hearing females perform country and western music.” Liar. Data says even women don’t like women singing, so what’s the deal??

“I even love the classics like Patsy Cline, Tammy Wynette, and Loretta Lynn,” sucks up Christian. “They didn’t get the due as they deserved in their time.” Patsy’s dead, loser, she’s not going to read this!

At press time, this subservient wimp was queuing up some Lori McKenna, to get in his feelings or whatever. 

I'm Shocked Too, Michael Jordan

Top Albums of 2020 - First Quarter Report

1. Futurebirds - Teamwork

2. Katie Pruitt - Expectations

3. Brandy Clark - Your Life is a Record

4. Gabe Lee - Honky Tonk Hell

5. Ashley McBryde - Never Will

6. Rookie - s/t

7. Marcus King - El Dorado

8. Jesse Daniel - Rollin’ On

9. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud

10. Hailey Whitters - The Dream

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*there are a few recent and forthcoming albums I haven't listened to enough to rank yet

**this is just Trailer's top 10 - year end list will include all FTM contributors

Sunday Mornin’ Music / Ashley McBryde / “Amazing Grace”

I wouldn’t normally sing this song but we all may need this right now and there isn’t a better place to sing it at than the Ryman. The mother church pulls things out of you and will tell you what to sing and when to sing it...even if you can’t. Happy Easter, love to you all pic.twitter.com/YY3vMgUb42

— Ashley McBryde (@AshleyMcBryde) April 12, 2020

Really Dumb Country Reviews: April 2020

Real reviews from a popular music service.

Sam Hunt - Southside

Ashley McBryde - Never Will

Dixie Chicks - Gaslighter

Tyler Childers - Country Squire

Luke Bryan - Born Here, Live Here, Die Here

Ashley McBryde Performs "Shut Up Sheila"

My current favorite from her new album Never Will.

Saturday Night Music / Ashley McBryde / "First Thing I Reach For"

New Video / Ashley McBryde / "Martha Divine"

Saturday Night Music / Ashley McBryde / "One Night Standards"

Sanford and Son Country Reaction Gifs

If somebody says "the new Thomas Rhett song will blow you away"

If you've never seen Heartworn Highways

When all your rowdy friends come over

When someone you trusted said they just bought tickets to see Jason Aldean

When Grady says Ray Charles sucks

If you're not an Ashley McBryde fan...

When your friend finds a Big & Rich CD in your old collection

If you think the definition of country music is "whatever they're playing on the mainstream country station"