Showing posts with label Trisha Yearwood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trisha Yearwood. Show all posts
Oct 27, 2023
Oct 12, 2023
Garth Brooks Country Reaction Gifs
When your team gets smoked by South Alabama but you're trying to be positive
Are you serious when you say you'd prefer a minor injury over attending a Kane Brown concert?
When there are so many bodies, you can't remember where they all are
McDonalds is bringing back the McRib!
And you can get 10 free McNuggets with your first app order!
May the Lord strike me down if I ruined country music
When you're country, but they throw on some Bruno Mars
When a second person in 2 weeks says Oliver Anthony's song is better than anything Isbell ever wrote
When the fiddle player hasn't taken a shower in a week
Country music is just farm emo
When Garth takes his song "Mr. Blue" a little too seriously
How can you make Trisha Yearwood laugh for an hour with only 9 words?
May 2, 2023
Overly Politically Correct Country Songs: Sawyer Brown, Martina McBride, Cody Jinks, etc.
Cody Jinks - Gestational Parent Song
Same Kind of Mental Illness as Me
Johnny Paycheck - The Only Ruckus My Birthing Parent Ever Raised
Don Gibson - Womxn (Desirable Womxn)
Dwight Yoakam - Guitars, EV Cadillacs
Bill Anderson - Disenfranchised Folx
Trisha Yearwood - Low Income Enclave of Memphis
Paul Overstreet - Seein’ My Second Biological Parent In Me
Sammy Kershaw - CIS Female Royalty of My Large Manufactured Home
Martina McBride - This One’s for All Persons Identifying as Young Females
In My Birthling’s Eyes
Sawyer Brown - The Young Cisgender Males and Me
Hellroys - Those Breasts Aren’t Mentally Challenged
Hank Williams Sr. - (Catcalling an Attractive CIS Female)
John Anderson - Corporate Farm Fowl Pollution Causing Vehicle
African American Sheep
Dec 11, 2022
Nov 8, 2022
Apr 22, 2022
Hundreds Believe Tim McGraw Nearly Killed a Guy Because This Headline Says So
Most of the few readers who actually clicked on this story without excitedly sharing it first, only read the first sentence, which also fools unworldly folks into thinking that the following actually happened:
Country superstar Tim McGraw has been arrested for a shocking assault after putting a real good man in the hospital on Wednesday night. McGraw told police he was just sticking up for his wife when the man, Vernon Brinks, said Faith Hill’s acting was a little dry in Yellowstone: 1883. After striking Brinks over and over, the victim suffered a broken wrist, a concussion, internal bleeding, and several external bruises. Brinks is said to have neither liked it, loved it, nor wanted any more of it and is expected to be released from the hospital this weekend. In a statement after making bail, McGraw apologized for the incident and blamed “the cowboy in me.”
Despite the previous paragraph being written in a less than journalistic quality, several persons who have continued reading started thinking that maybe this stupid and transparently satirical bit might have some veracity. 5 of them go back and share the story on Facebook with an “OMG!” Most didn’t even notice that there were 4 Tim McGraw song titles hidden in that paragraph, further giving clue that this stunning bit of news never occurred.
In previous weeks, this very website (which features the word ‘farce’ in its title) has been barraged by thick-headed people replying as if satirical stories were the gospel. One of those people is reading this sentence now and I’m going to tell him that Garth Brooks cheated on Trisha with Kenny Chesney and he’ll believe it, because his brain has been warped and clouded by social media, politics, and the degradation of real media over the past 10-15 years.
At press time, 1 of the 9 people who made it this far into the article also believed that Thomas Rhett is a meth-addicted serial killer because this sentence purports it to be true.
Nov 30, 2021
May 17, 2021
Sep 6, 2019
Garth Brooks Near Destitution
by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, March 26, 2013
Garth Brooks is nearly broke.
The somber, emaciated (for him) 51-year-old across the table from our correspondent stood in stark contrast to the color-block shirted, barrel-chested wild man of Nashville memory as he confessed that "girls are expensive."
Despite 200 million in album sales, years of sold out concert tours and an estimated $350 million in career earnings, the country legend is surviving on Spam and saltine crackers these days as he plots his comeback. "I know, I know... I've seen all those VH1 specials about guys like MC Hammer and thought, how the hell did they go through all that money?" admitted Brooks, pulling at a loose thread on his 2008 Old Navy America t-shirt.
Brooks put his career on hiatus in 2001 to see his daughters through high school and into college. The costs of his divorce that year and the upbringing of three girls was a far greater financial strain than any of his fans might have imagined. "Well, Sandy got half and the girls got the other half," chuckled Garth, sipping Big K Cola from a can. "I didn't know Bratz cost so damn much."
"I've also burned through most of Trisha's money with some bad investments," he continued, with a tear the size of a quarter building in his left eye. "The pager store franchise went under in '02... damn cell phones. And my personal brand of offensively bright shirts for big and tall men never got off the ground due to a sweat-shop scandal."
His three-year Vegas run only put a band-aid on the problem as bills and tuition costs slowly ate away at Brooks' remaining fortune. "I've lost 60 pounds, man; all my old 'Mo' Bettas look like circus tents on me now. I'm going in for a third mortgage on the mansion."
A potential comeback is in the cards, though the 26-year Nashville vet is not currently aligned with a record label. "Borchetta is interested in a comeback album, but he's not sure I'll fit the Big Machine mold. Hell, I guess I'd do auto-tune and sing about trucks... I need some money, pardner!" said Brooks.
The "Friends in Low Places" superstar bid us adieu for his afternoon Starbucks shift with these off-topic words: "Everybody blames me for pop-country, but I'm Hank Sr. compared to folks these days..."
At press time, Scott Borchetta had passed on Garth Brooks for a 19-year-old community college dropout with a five o'clock shadow and an intriguing chin scar.
Aug 2, 2019
The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country
A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer
Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…
10. Joe Diffie
Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.
Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.
9. Suzy Bogguss
Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.
Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.
8. Wade Hayes
Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.
Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.
7. Patty Loveless
Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”
Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”
6. Pam Tillis
Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.
Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.
5. Ty Herndon
Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.
Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.
Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.
4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)
Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.
Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.
Stops in roundabouts.
3. Terri Clark
Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.
When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.
Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”
2. Trisha Yearwood
Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."
Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.
Against legalization, but always on that kush.
1. Jim Lauderdale
Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.
Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.
Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates.
Wants to tour with Old Dominion.
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*satire, obviously*
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