Showing posts with label Raelynn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Raelynn. Show all posts

Oct 2, 2015

Really Dumb Country Music Reviews 2

Real country song/album reviews from a popular music downloading service.

Ashley Monroe - The Blade

George Strait - Love is Everything 

Jason Isbell - Something More Than Free

Pistol Annies - Hell on Heels

Thomas Rhett - Tangled Up 

Sam Hunt - Montevallo

Turnpike Troubadours - s/t

Chris Stapleton - Traveller

Apr 1, 2015

Little Known Facts: April 2015

 Jason Aldean's wedding party featured a who's who of Nashville scum and American Idol rejects.

The truth behind the breakup of Fifth on the Floor is that bass player Jason Parsons 
is a finalist for the possible upcoming mission to Mars.

Chase Rice's next album will have more Elegance, Dignity, and Majesty. 
Those are his favorite Crazy Horse strippers, and they will be providing backing vocals.

The Grand Ole Opry recently invited Sam Hunt to perform but he declined because he had never heard of the venue.

Indiana's new religious freedom act was originally designed to keep out Little Big Town, 
but a typo created discrimination against the LGBT community.

Florida-Georgia Line follows Farce The Music on Twitter due to the frequent mentions
they receive on the account. If they add a third member who can read, they will block us.

Chase Bryant ended the crowd surfing portion of his set after the February incident 
in which he put out a fan's eye with his hair.

Marilyn Manson ended his relationship with Evan Rachel Wood upon 
discovering it was actually Shooter Jennings in drag.

Luke Bryan's stage clothes all come from Once Upon A Child.

Brantley Gilbert finally had a test come back with nothing on it. 
Unfortunately for him, it was for his GED.

Confusing RaeLynn and Raelyn Nelson in front of Willie Nelson is the quickest way 
to see The Redheaded Stranger's black belt skills.

After Keith Urban wore a Sturgill Simpson shirt on American Idol, 
Sturgill returned the favor by eating some Australian mushrooms in private.

Almost all of these by Jeremy Harris

Mar 12, 2015

The Crud Report: Country News

*This is all fake, satire, parody, whatever you wanna call it. Based on The Drudge Report.

Top 10 Traits for Getting a Country Record Deal 2015

10. Pretty smile, nice boobs, tight ass (that's for the males)

9. Ability to to perform a Dr. Dre/Hozier/Adele medley
during the breakdown portion of your latest "country" single

8. Strong knowledge of advanced skin care techniques including
cleansing, exfoliating, targeted treatments, and moisturizing

7. Nominal vocal skills

6. Enough knowledge of country music history
to feign reverence for previous generations

 5. Repertoire of kowtowing, adherence to 1950's traditional gender roles,
willingness to soften strong opinions with humor and over-politeness (that's for the females)

4. Strong slang vocabulary - must know difference between thot and tho

3. Malleable sense of self, deference to trends, lack of regard for genre fundamentals

2. Must look good in neutral colored henleys

1. Permanent five o'clock shadow


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