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10. That the Kid Rock tour is coming to town next year, since they legally can’t leave town
9. Last kid aging out of child support payments this year
8. That they don’t have to keep their fetish of calling people “re***d” and “fa***t” on Twitter a secret anymore
7. Blue Chew
6. That Whiskey Riff will continue to give them hard-hitting news about Bob Ritchie, along with all the latest national park animal attacks, Kelce brothers rage-bait, and generic merch.
5. Their favorite beer Bud Light okay to drink again since Kid Rock does it
4. Found a new untapped source of copper wire nearby
3. That the majority of Americans voted the way that they would have if they were legally allowed to vote
2. Steel Reserve’s new flavor: Cherry Slushie
1. Midget mud wrasslin’ coming to town the night after Thanksgiving
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