Jul 27, 2018

Music Snob Decides Music is Just Too Mainstream

Local music snob Edward Nickels has come to the realization that music is just too mainstream for him. After years of increasingly obscure taste in tunes, he finds that nothing rises to his preferred level of weird and unlistenable anymore.

"I just find it so passé." Edward told us, "The combining of sounds to produce harmony and form? I mean, other people find enjoyment in that sort of thing." Nickels explained his progression from enjoying pop music as a child, to indie rock as a teen, alt-country and drone metal in college, and on to even more unconventional genres in later life.

"I discovered the indie-post-metal-spoon-jazz scene in Austin and that was great for a while." explained Nickels, "All eight of us were really into it, but once Jerry brought two more friends to a show, I was over it." He says he then moved on to "glump," a genre where the artists engage in rhythmic pillow fights: "That was cool until somebody started a blog about it."

Edward bemoaned the lack of experimentation and uniqueness in modern-day music. "Everything is just so boring." he carped, "Chord progressions and melodies are so quotidian. Aural indulgence has become so plebeian." 

"Guys my age are all into stuff like Jason Isbell or Kendrick Lamar - I mean can you imagine?" laughed Nickels. "It's just embarrassing to react on an emotional level to sounds and words put together in 'pleasing' arrangements." 

At press time, Edward said he was exploring the "clatter" genre - people just throwing pans and hammers and stuff against walls - to see if there was still any feeling of desire left in him for auditory sensation. 

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