Dec 23, 2021

West Memphis Family Says “Merry Christmas From the Family” Based on Them

The Caulder family of West Memphis, Arkansas is taking songwriter Robert Earl Keen to task and possibly to court over a popular holiday anthem. They say Keen’s “Merry Christmas From the Family” is based entirely upon them and their kooky holiday exploits. 

“I ain’t never heard the song till about a month ago when my nephew’s half-brother was playing it at the Thanksgiving get-together,” said Nick Caulder, patriarch of the family. “And I said to myself, that’s about us, what the wood-paneled f*** is going on here?” When Caulder learned the name of the artist, he ‘Googled up that thievin’ sumbitch’ to see what he looked like.

Sure enough, the singer and writer of the song, Robert Earl Keen was exactly who he thought it was. “I met that fella up to the dog track in about 1993; he was cleaner cut back then but that’s him,” growled Caulder. “I was tore up on about a case of Schlitz and we made buddies real quick watching the 1:15 race.” Caulder went on to explain that he told the presumed Robert Earl Keen all about his dysfunctional but love-filled family Christmas that previous year.

“The fake snow, the Diet Rite, it’s all there,” continued Caulder. “He even left some stuff out to make it more family friendly… he ain’t mention the baby pooping in the Christmas tree water or Fred and Rita getting it on in the coat closet.” 

Caulder, now married to Ken’s first wife Lynn, says he expects a public apology from Keen or else he’ll pursue legal action. “I ain’t worried about the money, unless he don’t be a man and make this right with me and my people; I trusted him with my personal business and he made a big joke out of it.” frowned Caulder. “But he was kinda an odd feller, kept bragging about a 5 pound bass, hell I can catch a 5 pounder out of the sewage ditch over yonder.”

At press time, the Caulder family was filling up the above ground pool for Christmas, which is forecast to be in the upper 70s this year.

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